COVER REVEAL: MAIL ORDER BRIDE by John Bruni

 

Art by Luke Spooner

Coming soon!

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #716: PAGE NUMBERS

 

In one way I'm lucky. In another way I'm not. To address the first, 99.9% of the people who read my books love them. To address the second, not a lot of people pick up my books. So not a lot of people have read my new book, Trail of Blood, but those who have love the shit out of it.

But everyone who read the book has one complaint, and it's the same for everyone. They all ask, "Where are the page numbers?"

I have a thing about page numbers. I don't want readers looking at them, wondering how much longer they have to go before the chapter is done. Or the book is done. If they're asking that question, then I'm not doing my job well enough.

So when I put together my first print book on my own (with only Luke Spooner's help for the cover art), I decided to not number the pages. Wow, did that backfire on me. Okay, okay, I hear you. The next book I do all on my own will have the fucking page numbers. Jesus God in Tromaville.

I'm not going back to add the numbers to this one. I already went through three hells getting that book out into the world. But for the others forthcoming? Yeah, yeah. You'll get your page numbers.

*sigh*

COVER REVEAL: IT CHANGES A MAN

 It's Sunday morning. For whatever reason, Sunday mornings are usually really slow on the internet, at least here in America. I suspect it's because those who aren't in church are sleeping in. Whatever the case may be, I thought  I'd stealthily post the cover reveal for my new book, IT CHANGES A MAN. Meaning, I'm not posting any links to social media or my website. If you see it, you get a secret surprise that no one else gets. It's the unofficial part one of my forthcoming splatter SF series. If you're a reader of my Goodnight, Fuckers columns, then you know what I'm talking about.

I think the book will be out this week. Just in time for Christmas! Anyway, take a look at this glorious cover by Luke Spooner, who also did the cover for my book, POOR BASTARDS AND RICH FUCKS, as well as the forthcoming TRAIL OF BLOOD.

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #418: LOOK WHAT ARRIVED TODAY

 

When I got home from my adventures today I was very pleased to see the new Lansdale had arrived. I took a look at that cover and thought, huh, that style looks very familiar to me. It took me a moment to think about my own books. STRIP and POOR BASTARDS AND RICH FUCKS in particular. And then it came to me.

Luke Spooner! I'd know his work anywhere! I'm glad to see that he's getting great work. I remember a while back I saw his work in Cemetery Dance, and now here he is working for my favorite living author! That's a hell of a gig, Luke! Congratulations!

Here's something very few people know right now. I can count the number of people on my fingers, in fact. Luke did the cover for my next book, too. One that has not been announced yet. One that some know I've been working on, but they have no idea that it's almost upon us.

I'd wanted it out in time for Printers Row, but things got in the way. I no longer had as much money as I was supposed to have due to surprise expenses, so I had to backburner the book. I'm going to try to get it out by Christmas just in time for the sick fucks on your shopping list, but in all likelihood it will probably be out early in 2022.

I can't wait to show you what Luke did for this one. It's an amazing cover, and you're all going to love it! Stay tuned . . .

STRIP IS BACK IN PRINT!

My first book, which has been out of print for a while, is being re-released through Riot Forge! And check out that awesome new cover by Luke Spooner! Currently, it's available on Kindle here, and soon there will be a print edition. [EDIT: The print edition is here!]


For those who only know me primarily from my horror and bizarro work with StrangeHouse, this is a hardcore crime novel. Imagine if Jim Thompson and Richard Stark had a kid together and gave it to Mickey Spillane to raise, and you have STRIP. It's ultra-violent and hyper-sexed, so if your tastes run toward hardcore, and you're iffy about a crime book, this is probably up your alley. A group of criminals try to pull a strip club heist, but it's a mafia joint, and none of them know that one of the strippers is an undercover cop trying to take the owner down. If that doesn't grab you by the nuts, I don't know what will.


But what the hell? Here are some satisfied Goodreads readers talking about the book, Hellnotes did a great review, and apparently people want to pirate it, so I must be on to something, right?


I'll let you know as soon as the print edition is available. Thank you, as always, for reading.

NOW AVAILABLE: POOR BASTARDS AND RICH FUCKS

At long last, my new novel, POOR BASTARDS AND RICH FUCKS from StrangeHouse Books, is now available! Check it out here. If you're on the fence about it, be sure to look inside for a taste, and I'm sure you'll want the book. Fucked up fiction from me and a knock-your-dick-off cover by Luke Spooner? All from StrangeHouse? You can't possibly go wrong.

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #95: A STORY YOU WON'T EVER FORGET

I just got my contributors copy of Big Pulp's new issue of MURDER & THE MACABRE, and I'm so proud of myself. If you've known me for any length of time, you know that occasionally I write a story that I feel will never EVER be bought by a publisher. Yet, I can't help myself. I've got to get it out of my head and onto the page.


"Going Down," which is in the new M&M, is one of those stories. I wrote it while I was in the hospital suffering from a mystery illness (no one knows what my problem was, although in retrospect--even though they tested it--I think it was my pancreas). I was full of pain and anger, and I had to get this vicious thing out of my brain, even though I knew no one would want it. I chalked it up therapy.


Much to my surprise, Big Pulp wanted it. Yet, the more I think about it, the more I realize that the stories I think no one will want actually turn out to be stories publishers really want. Maybe I'm stuck in the old mindset from when I started TABARD INN, a fiction magazine I created for stories so extreme that no one else would want them. I find it hard to believe that the rest of the publishing industry has caught up with that ideal.


For example, I never thought anyone would want "The Knot that Binds," and yet there it is in STRANGE FUCKING STORIES. I wrote a story about two meth-heads who want to sell their baby in a Wal-Mart parking lot, but shockingly, HARDBOILED wanted it. Or how about a story about a zombie apocalypse in which the zombies have total recall but they're still dead and still have a love life? "Pack Rat" wound up getting published three fucking times and is the story I will be remembered for if I die tomorrow.


I'm working on the final draft of a story I don't think anyone will want. If history has anything to say about it, my story will be purchased after four attempts, and it will be one of my biggest publications. But doubt still sets in, and it's right to. No one should want the story, but it's so batshit fucking nuts that someone will want it.


I hope.


I guess my message for tonight is, even if you think the story you're working on is so ri-fucking-diculous, you should finish it anyway. You never can tell.


At first, you will think that "Going Down" is about a guy who wants to be famous for being able to suck his own dick. By the end of the story, you'll wonder why you thought that in the first place. It's so grotesque that you can't forget it. Like "Pin" by Robert McCammon. It's just such a visceral, over-the-top story that it will find a place in your heart, even if you don't want it to.


This is Big Pulp's website. The magazine that contains my story hasn't been posted yet, but keep an eye out. You'll want this one. And hey! Check out the cover! It's by Luke Spooner, who did the cover for my upcoming book, POOR BASTARDS AND RICH FUCKS.