GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #725: WHY THE PUNISHER?

Yeah, I agree. It looks kinda stupid.

 

I doubt I have any Trump supporters reading these, but on the off chance that I do, I have a question. The rest of you may leave if you wish. This is only directed to those who would use their throats as cock holsters for Trump. So: why do Trump cucks worship the Punisher? It's to the point where they have stupid shit like this going around:

This doesn't look "kinda" stupid. It *is* fucking stupid.

This bullshit got so bad that Marvel had to change the Punisher's logo to the one at the top of this column to distance themselves from this fuckwittery. I don't get it. I mean, sure, the Punisher is cool. His logo is cool. That's fine. But I don't get why the Trump cucks are so rah-rah about this fucking thing. Not when Batman is right there and makes so much more sense for you.

I hear you say law and order, but that is nuttier than a freshly shat fruitcake. The last thing on the Punisher's mind is law and order. Every time he suits up and blows away some criminal, he's wiping his ass on the very concept of law and order. So no, I'm not buying it. Unless you mean law and order for everyone else *except* yourself. That I can see. You're all walking hard-ons when it comes to applying rules to others that you would never apply to yourself.

Think about it. Batman's a rich dude, and I know that makes your balls tingle. He goes out every night and beats the shit out of the mentally ill. Another thing I'm sure you jerk off to. And Batman really is about law and order. The only law he ignores is the one that would require him to turn himself in as a vigilante. All the others, he's good with. Is it because he doesn't kill his targets, and the Punisher does? Or maybe it's the fact that today Batman doesn't use guns, and the Punisher does. But remember when Batman started, he loved him some guns. So maybe that's not it.

Maybe it's not the Punisher you want to emulate. I'm thinking you just want to take all the people you can't stand and execute them on the spot. No arrest, no trial, no nothing. Just see a guy you don't like, no matter the reason, and just shoot the poor bastard. So maybe you should really be worshipping school shooters.

Oh shit.

Maybe you do. It just occurred to me that this would be a very good reason why no one does anything ever about school shootings. The guys who kill children are your heroes. Is that it? Can that be it?

I knew you were a piece of shit, but my God. MY GOD.

If that's the case? You're the kind of person the Punisher would kill on principle.

THE JOHN BRUNI MUSEUM OF MEDIOCRE (AT BEST) SHIT #22: REVIEW OF MARVEL KNIGHT'S PUNISHER #1

[This one isn’t so bad. I genuinely loved Ennis’s work on The Punisher. I loved it even more when they had the MAX series. And I’m super grateful that Ennis is at it again currently. The man was born to write Punisher. This appeared in the Elmhurst College Leader on February 22, 2000.]

Not long ago, Marvel killed their greatest superhero off, which wasn’t wise, considering their lack of good heroes. In the tradition of killing superheroes, though, they brought him back from the dead. That is usually a bad move, but in this case, it was ten times worse. Why? Because that hero was the Punisher, and in resurrecting him, they brought a great deal of the supernatural into a story where the supernatural has absolutely no right to exist. All of a sudden, the Punisher had glowing eyes and worked for angels killing the scum of the earth.

Luckily, this didn’t last long. Now, with all that silly bullshit out of the way, writer Garth Ennis (Preacher, Hitman) takes up the reins with the new number one issue of Marvel Knights’s The Punisher. As the ad says, “No capes, no masks, no mercy.” Finally, the Punisher, aka Frank Castle, has returned to the basics.

Steve Dillon, who worked on Preacher and Hellblazer with Ennis, has also joined the team, allowing his work to be inked, which almost never happens. Dillon’s work, which has been going a bit downhill in Preacher, looks excellent with Jimmy Palmiotti’s complimentary inking. The only bit of bad artwork is the cover by Tim Bradstreet, who can definitely do better. His covers for Unknown Soldier and Hellblazer were much better.

Anyone who knows Ennis and Dillon’s work will certainly know that they are the perfect people for the job. First of all, Dillon’s work is stark reality. Unlike other artists who tend to make their characters look inhumanly muscular, Dillon shows real people. This is the world of Frank Castle—dark, gritty reality.

Ennis, an avid fan of Clint “Blow ‘Em Away” Eastwood and John Woo movies, has shown his flair for writing action sequences time and time again. Think back on all the times he’s shown the Saint of Killers killing platoons of people in the pages of Preacher, whether they be cops or people in tanks. Think back to the ghastly Stein and his fighting methods in Pride and Joy. Think back on all those shoot-up scenes in Unknown Soldier.

Ennis does not disappoint Punisher fans. There’s Big Frank on the very first page holding a gun to some guy’s head with the bodies of scumbags at his feet. When the guy gets the idea to push the drugs that the dead scumbags won’t be able to push, Frank walks up behind him and makes his head do a complete 180 turn. He then torches the drugs, the money, and the bodies in the typical Punisher style.

Or how about the morgue shoot-out scene? Guns, explosives, and lots of corpses to hide behind. There may have been bodies there when Frank walked in, but there certainly were more of them by the time he left.

To cap the first issue off, Frank throws a man off the top of the Empire State Building while he just stands there reflecting about how he came back, waiting for the grisly SPLAT! Apparently, when he died, the angels thought they could use him as Marvel’s version of the Saint of Killers, punishing the sinners, but, as Frank says, “Tried it. Didn’t like it. Told them where to stick it.” Cast back down into his grimy, murderous world, Frank’s having fun blowin’ away punks. The first issue has an approximate body county of 18, and that’s a minimum.

Some could say that this is a bit excessive. Ennis takes this issue up in a note at the end of the issue, “In Defence of the Punisher.” He said, “I can see why Frank’s little hobby might be viewed as requiring some kind of justification. But only by morons.” He brings up the humor of “Itchy and Scratchy,” then moves on to the body count of scumbags in The Killer, and finally backing everything up with Dirty Harry and his crime fighting methods. Truth be told, the people Frank kills are true scum—they aren’t generally good people slipping into a world of crime out of necessity or accident. These are the people who would kill children if the little tykes were in their way. They would murder, rape, steal, etc. their way to their desires. These are beyond a shadow of a doubt bad people. Did anyone feel bad when Dirty Harry blew away the killer in the end of the first movie?

Finally, there’s someone who will make these punks crawl back into whatever wretched womb that spawned them. Whether he shoots, stabs, strangulates, or simply throws people off the Empire State Building, the Punisher is back in action. Welcome back, Frank, says the world.