Wednesday, April 19, 2023

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #658: 41 YEARS

 Only a few of you will know this, but from 8th grade all the way through my high school graduation, I ate nothing but McDonald's for dinner. Every. Single. Night. That's five years straight.


And I had the nerve to wonder how I got so fat I looked like Chris Farley in my graduation video.


Well, I changed my habits and lost 40 pounds over that summer, but that's not what I'm here to discuss. I was proud of my five-year stretch. When Supersize Me came out, I cursed Morgan Spurlock's name because that movie made them take away the supersize options, and I thrived on those fuckers.


One day, sometime in high school, I discovered the typed up version of my mom's account of my birth and childhood. You may have seen me post the handwritten version on my social media, which I just found recently. But this typed version held a revelation for me because it detailed my first McDonald's meal. I even know which McDonald's it was: the one in Berkeley on St. Charles, which is still there.


So I know with 100% certainty on which day my love affair with the Golden Arches began, and that was 41 years ago today.


I took such an odd glee in knowing that about myself to the point I put it on the calendar. I'm not all that proud of it anymore, but it takes a lot to get me to take something off the calendar. So there it remains for now.


41 years. I wonder how many billions of those 99 billion served I am.


Yeah, I celebrated today by having McDonald's for lunch. I couldn't help it. It felt necessary.

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