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I'm tired of being miserable all the time, so I registered as a Republican today. Already my net worth has skyrocketed to $6.66 million! That's *way* better than 40 pieces of silver! Also, I'm now six-foot-nine (evil tee-hee!)! I have a fifteen inch cock! And I'm bulletproof! Just ask the cops who tried to stop me from shooting up that school! I only got fifty-seven kids, but seven of them were honors students! Gotta nip intellectualism in the bud, you know. Butt, I mean. Nip them in the butt. I forgot. When you sign up as a Trumpster you have to adopt malaprop . . . er, that's too smart, also. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh say the stupid version of a smart thing! I used to know a guy who was stellar at this kind of thing. He once said that the Amish make their own wood. Unsurprisingly, he's a fellow Trumpster! Anyway, I also got three teachers, but do they really count?
To ensure that history goes as God meant it to, I invented a time machine and went back to make sure I voted for Trump. It's like a star for a Sneetch's belly. The other Trumpsters won't accept you unless you took a picture of your ballot with Trump's name ticked off. And your wife's ballot. And any woman you're related to, even people as distant as third cousins. You don't want to run the risk of your property voting for . . . I already forgot her name. Doug Emhoff's wife.
Oh yeah, Kamala Harris! Did you know she actually won the election? But Elon Musk invented a time machine before I did! (Ignore the feeling of contradiction you're feeling right now. It's damned unAmerican.) Ain't he swell? Good to know that not only is God on America's side, so is science! And we're not talking about that Darwin gibberish. That's too science-y for us faithful.
Speaking of, did you know that once you vote for Trump, God descends from the heavens and tells you that you did the right thing? Those Trumpsters were telling the truth the whole time! Wow! Too bad we didn't listen, yeah? If we did, we'd have gotten a head start on killing the poor!
Don't look at me like that. We're not killing *all* the poor. We'll need to keep a few for slavery. God said it was OK. I'd advise you to read the Bible, but as a newly minted Freedom Fighter (TM, so Master gets his fair share) I have to forsake books. Sorry. They were holding me back all this time! All it ever did was make me smart, and that's just about as useful as tits on a boar.
It's OK. I can say that now. Sexism is part of the game. And, I might as well admit it now, racism comes with the deal. I don't make the rules, but I'll have to be a lot harder on the lesser races. That, too, is in the Bible. You know what? Forget it. I'll find a priest to tell you what the Bible says. You shouldn't be looking at books, anyway. Might give you ideas.
Goodnight, Fuckers is under new management. Have a blessed day!
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