Today has been a very unusual day for me. I've felt off in everything I did except, oddly, my job. That went pretty well. It almost always does on a Monday, and I kicked ass on that front. But my brain, which runs super fast despite my desire for it to go much, much slower, kept hitting speed bumps today. I'm kind of surprised it didn't derail my day.
And almost all of this stuff is speech. I have a script in my head for every occasion. Except I kept getting hung up on words that I knew backwards, forwards, maybe not inside out but what the hell why not? I lost confidence in the things I was saying, which is a huge mistake if you're in sales.
And then there was this nearly overwhelming sensation that I'm going deaf. You know how when it gets dead silent you can actually hear how deafeningly loud silence is? I've been getting that today. I ran a finger through each ear, and there's no blockage. I just did a deep cleaning not too long ago (a necessary thing, as my body produces an insane amount of ear wax). My ears *do* feel kind of numb, though.
Or maybe I'm finally cracking. I've had a crack up in the works, anyway. Might as well get it over with, preferably without the psych ward this time. Would it be better to pretend to lose my mind for a little while than to wait for it to happen naturally? It would probably be waaaaaaay worse the latter way.
It would be nice to wake up without any fucking pain or problems. Just once.
All right, Tuesday. The golfball is in your garden hose. Let's get to work on the best possible results . . .
Oh! Also, today is the 39th anniversary of me writing my first story. Mom made me sign and date it so I'd always know. I thought that was weird at the time, but I'm now glad I did. Although I'm not sure why she told me to do that. Did she somehow know even back then? Or is this something all moms do, and if their kid turns out to be a writer, hey, that's a gamble that pays off? Holy shit, is that why I liked dinosaurs so much? She was trying to push me into paleontology?!?!?!?!!?! What other seeds did she plant?!?!?!?! Dark Shadows?!?!?!?! SHE PUT THAT THERE, T . . . well, actually, I really enjoyed Dark Shadows. I've seen all things Dark Shadows EXCEPT for the Tim Burton movie, which I shall never see.
Wow. Look at this mess. This is kinda what Goodnight, Fuckers looked like back when I was writing these things in a blacked out drunken state. I swear I didn't drink any booze! Why? Do you got some?
Ahhhhhhhhh. I swear I meant to write about something here tonight. I think I'm finally bored with my own misery. Has that finally happened? Have I lived long enough to witness this day? This? Very? Day?
That's heavy, Doc.
No comments:
Post a Comment