GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #313: ROBERT KIRKMAN AND INVINCIBLE

 

It has become fashionable to talk shit about Robert Kirkman. I think I know why. 90% is that he is a lowly comics writer who has suddenly made it big. Which is bullshit, and I dismiss it. The other 10%? I think they're pissed off about how he ended The Walking Dead. It upset me a bit, too, but when I actually read it? It made perfect, wonderful sense. Say what you will about the man, he writes the perfect endings, no matter how much they can tear your heart out. Brian K. Vaughan is better at that. After Ex Machina and Y: The Last Man, I am deathly afraid for every character in Saga. But Kirkman is fucking great at it.

Before I continue, I should say that I currently read no Kirkman books. I try them all, and none of them recently has connected with me, so I don't read on. That's just in the interest of full disclosure. If you enjoy them, cool. I'm glad. I hate it when perfectly good art is wasted, because I'm not always the best judge of that.

So Invincible. I've been talking about it a lot on my social media because I get the Ultimate editions. I only get them at comics conventions. And, well, I don't attend these anymore. It's not because of the 'rona. I stopped doing these shows years ago, and that's a story for another day. Maybe tomorrow, if I'm sober enough and anyone is interested. The reason I'm talking about these books is I just finally ordered the last three online, and I'm reading them now. Anyway, I'm quickly approaching the ending. That's why this has been on my mind.

Getting back to how I started off, it's fashionable to talk shit about Kirkman. I'll get into that shortly, but the important thing to take away from this is, I'm going to say some awesome things about him right here, right now.

I knew Kirkman before TWD took off. I should amend that. We're not friends. We are barely acquaintances. Didn't want to give the wrong impression there. I remember ages ago when I picked up this book called Battle Pope off the shelves of a comic book store. I fell in love immediately. Fast forward a few years, and I found myself actually becoming friends with Brian Pulido, the guy who created Evil Ernie and wrote (and still writes) Lady Death. Over a phone call, he invited me to my first comics convention, which was Wizard World Chicago many years ago. I went specifically to meet him and talk about cool shit with him. And then I found a few other great comics writers there, including Garth Ennis, when Preacher was just barely into its 21st issue.

And then I ran into Kirkman and Tony Moore at their Funk-O-Tron booth. It was just them. No one else. No crazy shit. Very few fans. Knowing Battle Pope, I got excited and talked with them for a while. I got them to sign some Battle Pope issues, and I got one of my favorite shirts ever. I got too fat and can't wear it now, but it showed Battle Pope's face, smoking a cigar, and it said BRING ON THE WHORES!

Remember that. I'll get back to it soon.

So the next con I went to, I brought my own issues of Battle Pope and got them signed by both. And the next one (I think; if memory serves). It was the next one where I saw Kirkman wouldn't be there, but Moore would be. I gathered together my TWD books that were illustrated by Moore (first editions, all), and I went to this con, super excited. To be fair, I didn't think TWD would last long. Who bought zombie books in black and white except for Evil Ernie fans? I dug it, though, so I was happy. I stood in line for Moore, and guess what happened. Yeah, surprise! Kirkman was there, after all. I just glanced over and saw him working the table behind Moore. No one seemed to know who he was. I said, "Kirkman! I had no idea you would be here!" We talked a bit, and being a super nerd, I got him to sign the issues of TWD I brought (again, those are the first issues, first editions, that I eventually got Moore to sign, too). We talked a bit, and I told him how much I liked the new series. And then he said, "Have you tried Invincible?"

I don't like superheroes. I'd vaguely heard about it, but I didn't know he'd written it. I didn't mention that, but I said I hadn't. What did he do? He pulled out the first Invincible Ultimate Collection (there was only one at the time), and he gave it to me. For free. He signed it, and then he turned to this guy I didn't recognize. It turned out to be Ryan Ottley, who started illustrating the book starting with issue 8. He signed it, too.

It took me forever to get to Moore. Like, I was next, and then he announced that he had to go sign elsewhere. So he said go here, and he'll be there. I got there second in line, but the dude in front of me asked for this crazy, elaborate commission, and he paid enough to get it immediately. Long story short, I waited three hours to get Moore to sign my first issues of TWD. Not complaining. It sucked, sure, but I know cons. I get how they work. But dammit, I got my issues signed. Before anyone who might be prosecution for my bankruptcy case reads this and gets ideas, I can't prove it. I have no certificates. No pictures of me with these guys. In fact, without those things, my issues of TWD are probably worth less with their scribbles on them. But I don't care. I treasure them because they mean something to ME.

But read all that again. In what fucking world does a creator give away something that is super fucking expensive for free just 'cause? I'd get giving away a trade paperback for free just for the read and the likes, but a giant, thick, expensive hardcover book? Maybe worth fifty bucks? No. I think he trusted that I would like this. And I did. I fucking did.

I don't like superheroes. I think they're stupid (unless Ennis is writing Punisher or Fury, Azzarello is writing Batman or Wonder Woman or Brubaker is doing Captain America or Daredevil, etc.). And I'm about to blaspheme here, but Batman is the fucking worst of the bunch. Again, that's a story for another day. But Batman can eat my ass. I dig the movies (most of them), but fuck Batman. DC said they're killing him but not really. BIG FUCKING NEWS, RIGHT?! STOP THE PRESSES! DC IS KILLING BATMAN AGAIN BUT NOT REALLY!

Yes, that's a sore spot. But superheroes are stupid. The only one I ever truly liked was Punisher, and he's a vigilante, not a superhero (except for that awful time that he had superpowers from heaven, I think?). I celebrated when he killed the Marvel Universe, and I'm getting way the fuck off track again.

But I loved Invincible. He was the most plausible superhero ever. He was also pretty R rated despite his appeal to a PG-13 audience. Hell, maybe a PG audience. But this book was not for kids. There is a lot of blood. So much blood. And popped eyeballs. And other gross stuff. Hell, here's an exclusive (not that any single person in the world gives a flying fuck about it): Invincible was a huge influence on my book, And Jesus Came Back. My shit usually wears its influences on its sleeve, so if you've read my book and not Invincible, read Invincible. The influence will be very apparent.

Hell, even my brother (the Vegas one, who works in security and probably doesn't want me to name him here) loves the series, and I didn't know he liked comics until we talked about the book years ago.

Kirkman gave me that first book, just like a drug dealer. The first is always free, right? But while the idea may have flitted at the back of his head, he did not mean it like that. For all he knew (and this was before he was on the board of directors for Image), his book would be canceled the very next day. But he gave it to me, and I have always been grateful. It's a great book.

I've got one full volume left. I'm a few issues into the 11th. And goddammit, I'm dreading the ending. But I know he'll do it right. He may have fucked with the distributors for TWD, but his ending was really fucking good.

I think in about a week, he will have torn my heart out again, and I'll be very happy about it.

PS: At the last convention I went to, I'd talked with a lot of my indie comics friends. They said they were having an after party at such and such restaurant, which was down the street. I went there to discover that the line to get in was fucking huge. Out the door huge. But they were already in, and I was a guest, so I pushed through as best I could. I was wearing my Battle Pope shirt, the one that says BRING ON THE WHORES. Some guy stopped me and said, "Hey, I know Kirkman!"

"Yeah, me too." Kinda.

"I designed that shirt!"

"Cool. I like it, man!"

"He treated me like shit! Fuck that guy!"

Now, I don't know if this guy was telling the truth, but it sounded like he believed it, at the very least. To quote Raymond Reddington, "I have no interest in things that don't interest me." One of the things that doesn't interest me is getting into arguments over pop culture. If you like the same stuff I like, cool. If you hate the stuff I like, cool. You do you, and I'll do me. So I said, "He's always treated me well." The guy waved a dismissive hand at me, and I went about my life. But yeah, for various reasons, people can't help but talk shit about Kirkman. Oh well. I like him plenty.

THE JOHN BRUNI MUSEUM OF MEDIOCRE (AT BEST) SHIT #21: REVIEW OF AFTERMATH

[I don’t sound too bad in this one, but once again I returned to the well instead of looking for new possibilities. I was sad when Chaos! ended their universe, but I was happy when they opened up the new one. It wasn’t long after this that Chaos! went belly up and Brian Pulido lost all of his creations except for Lady Death. I’m still curious about where he was going with the new Chaos! Cosmos. When Dynamite scooped up the rights, they did a piss-poor job of rebooting everything. I was OK with their Chastity book, but everything else was miserably horrible. I think they gave up. I hope they gave up. Anyway, this is from the Elmhurst College Leader, Feb. 15, 2000. Hey! It’s my last semester of college!]

On December 22, 1999, the Chaos Cosmos came to an end when the titanic thirteen issue Armageddon crossover reached its conclusion. Lady Death destroyed Hell and brought Heaven tumbling down, finally defeating her longtime enemy, Lucifer, in the process. Evil Ernie finally launched the nukes which destroyed much of the world before he was consumed in nuclear flames.

Oblivia finally met her destiny as the Chosen One by combining the forces of chaos to destroy Armageddon, the Father of Fear. Unfortunately, being killed pissed Armageddon off to no end. He unleashed a wave of pure entropy that destroyed the universe. Chaos physicist Mitchell Wardlow, who had finally been able to break the chaos code and impose his will on existence, tried to alter the end. Everything was destroyed.

Or was it? Aftermath reveals that not all is lost. Mitchell Wardlow survived in the void, now calling himself Lord Chaos. He created the universe anew, and his pride and joy is not just the recreation of the earth but eight earths, what he calls the Eight Worlds of Chaos.

To his dismay, someone else survived from the old Chaos Cosmos: the resident Trickster figure, Bedlam, one of the greatest characters Chaos has come up with outside of the now defunct Evil Ernie series.

The artwork comes from the best Chaos! artist since Steven Hughes worked on Evil Ernie: Luke Ross, better known for his work on Armageddon. This time, he’s got an inker meddling with his art, and the result isn’t that great. In fact, there are a few moments when the inking looks suspiciously like David Brewer’s terrible work. Even when his artwork is distilled like that, Ross does better than Brewer and the other bad artists (and their numbers are many) who worked on Evil Ernie in its declining years.

Writers Brian Pulido and Len Kaminski use Bedlam to explain the rules of the new Chaos Cosmos by letting him wander five of the eight earths. It may seem a bit cheap, but without it, they would have a hell of a time writing the new Lady Death and Lady Demon series.

There’s a world where Armageddon never came, so when Ernie launched the nukes, the world survived to suffer. The dead also continued roaming the land. The Dead King is back with his brother, Billy Young, both zombies killing zombies for the greater good. Very moody, but without Ernie, Price, and company it will never be good enough.

The future world could have been much better, and the reference to Judge Dredd is not only uncalled for but ridiculous. For a guy like Bedlam, who travels time and space, a  future world is a great place to buy weapons for use on more primitive worlds (and he makes use of this quite well), but all in all, it’s a very uninteresting world.

Another essentially worthless world is the normal world. It’s a world without magic, without Ernie’s Dead Onez, without angels or demons, without anything supernatural.

The “urban gothic” world is much better. Very moody (yes, complete with bats silhouetted against the moon), kind of like the Gotham City Tim Burton used in his Batman movies. Not only that, but it seems Morgan Gallows of The Omen and Chastity, Ernie’s one-time vampire girlfriend hitwoman, are both alive and well in this world. Could be interesting . . .

The “Dark Millennium” world is also promising, but not any more than the typical Lady Death world, a world which will no doubt be filled with superhero patter and titan bullshit. Of course, Lady Death had to be recreated. She’s the backbone of Chaos!

Lord Chaos then cuts Bedlam off from the three remaining worlds, leaving open a lot of infinite possibilities the Chaos! writers love so much. It’s good to see they’ve still got jobs, and maybe some really interesting work will come out of it, but the attraction to Aftermath is the relationship between the sole survivors of the original Chaos Cosmos, Lord Chaos and Bedlam. They can’t fight each other. Lord Chaos can’t uncreate Bedlam, and Bedlam isn’t strong enough to face Lord Chaos. However, there’s a lot of hatred and frustration there, and if there’s one thing Chaos! can do, it’s create great characters with conflicting natures.

It’s a world of infinite possibilities, and this is only the beginning. Time will tell.

THE JOHN BRUNI MUSEUM OF MEDIOCRE (AT BEST) SHIT #14: REVIEW OF ARMAGEDDON #1

[Ah, yes. More evidence that I didn’t have a wide enough experience to review comic books. My focus was always Chaos!, Vertigo and Garth Ennis, essentially. I should have branched out a lot more. This is from the Elmhurst College Leader in the September 27, 1999 issue.]

After such a long wait, it’s finally here! Chaos! Comics’s Armageddon hit the racks with a vengeance, sporting a cover with Chaos! characters from Evil Ernie all the way to The Omen. Artist Luke Ross brings us the best artwork Chaos! has to offer, aside from Steven Hughes. Evil Ernie and company haven’t looked so good since EE: Revenge. The artwork is simply cataclysmic.

The writers Brian Pulido and Len Kaminski aren’t slacking off, either. They offer an explanation for both cattle mutilations and crop circles in a mere three pages. The beginning reads like something out of an HP Lovecraft story, complete with “Tekeli-li’s” that bring to mind the otherworldly creatures that dwelt under Antarctica in “At the Mountains of Madness.”

It soon returns to the world of Chaos! when we see Evil Ernie naming his plane “Scareforce One” in blood. It’s very reminiscent of the old days of Chaos!, especially when Ernie and Lady Death make contact for the first time since EE: Straight to Hell.

Speaking of, Lady Death is on earth again, and she’s brought Hell with her. The punchline: she’s in Las Vegas about to start the greatest fight Hell has seen.

The issue also marks the return of Chastity, Bedlam, and the Omen, all sorely missed for a while. There’s the moment of ultimate horror when the Father of Fear, the bringer of Armageddon, arrives on earth to start the . . . uh . . . chaos. Is it Shub-Niggurath, or any of the other Cthulhu Mythos as is suggested in the beginning? Or is it something Biblical? One way or the other, it looks nasty and dangerous.

This is probably the biggest crossover event comics has seen since DC and Marvel met a few years back. Not only that, but it’s aptly planned. The whole series will run almost weekly until the end of this year. It looks like the end of the world is very possible in the Chaos! Universe.

There’s one slight problem with the comic, though. Armageddon doesn’t mean the end of the world, as most people believe it does. Armageddon is merely the place where the battle between Heaven and Hell is supposed to take place. Apocalypse would be the better word to use. A small problem in the face of such wonderful writing and artwork.

If you don’t know the characters, this probably won’t be your kind of thing, but if you’ve followed Chaos! throughout the years, this is the greatest orgasm you’ll ever have. Evil Ernie, Lady Death, Lucifer, Purgatori, Bedlam, Chastity, the Omen, even Mitchell Wardlow, and that’s not the end of it. There are still twelve more installments to go. With Chaos!’s reputation for escalating plot lines to the very extreme, what’s not to like?

“You haven’t seen anything yet,” said Brian Pulido in the 24^th “Impending Chaos” column. With the vastness of the Chaos! Universe, it’s hard not to believe him. It’s a cataclysmic ride. Enjoy!

THE JOHN BRUNI MUSEUM OF MEDIOCRE (AT BEST) SHIT #4: EVIL ERNIE MONTHLY #8 REVIEW

This is the first comic book review I ever wrote, and it was the first thing I ever wrote for the Elmhurst College Leader. They had never had a comic book reviewer before, and to the best of my memory, they haven’t had one since. I think at that point I was a curiosity to the professor who ruled over the school paper. But what the hell? I eventually got a Chicago tribune state award for one of these things. I’ll tell you which one when we get to it.

From The Leader February 22, 1999

For the past seven issues of the Evil Ernie monthly, Evil’s gone soft.

Believe it or not, everyone’s favorite undead teenage psychotic hasn’t been living up to his hopes for Megadeath (the death of every living being on earth). In fact, there have been some instances where he actually let some people live! Not only that, but the series had slowly turned from a B-movie gorefest to a big joke.

It was good to see that writer/creator Brian Pulido has put his foot down and intervened by writing a new story arc in the monthly.

Finally, Evil Ernie is back in black and more terrifying than ever. The new storyline, “Trauma!,” is the purest form of a horror story. Pulido has stated that he studied as many horror movies as possible in preparation for writing this tale of terror. The influence of George Romero’s Living Dead movies has been apparent from the beginning, but there are new techniques to be found here.

For example, the horror aspects of this comic, all the way back to Youth Gone Wild, have always been outlandish yet believable. Inside the Black Box there is a group of scientists perfecting a virus that would wipe out all the Dead Onez once and for all. They round up zombies and test the virus that is supposed to be 100% communicable on them.

If you are a reader of the Evil Ernie series you can guess who is behind this plan. Dr. Price, the comic’s resident cantankerous gun-toting psychotic is back.

Returning also is creativity. While the fight sequences have been pretty uniform recently it is good to see new ways of mutilation. In one particularly gory moment some poor guy gets a hand through his chest before getting pulled through a crack in the door behind him, bent over backwards so his heels could touch the back of his head.

The plot is simple and delicious for all horror fans: there is a bunch of people in a building with Evil Ernie hunting them down. Apparently Evil is not too pleased that the scientists are experimenting on his Dead Onez, and has taken matters into his own hands. It is probably the most rebellious thing he has done since killing the president of the United States in Resurrection.

In a world where the best horror can offer up is “I Still Absolutely Positively Know What You Did Last Summer,” or whatever they call it, and “Scream,” it is good to see that someone knows what’s going on, and Brian Pulido is that man.