GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #611: HORRIBLE THOUGHTS FROM MY HEAD #611

 I had this thought. And I can't blame cannabis because I wasn't high at the time. And this sounds like a high idea. Really.

I was holding a Choose Your Own Adventure and making a practice run when I thought, what if I did a Choose Your Own Adventure, but . . .

All right. You know how almost all of them start with page one, and then they say to continue to page two, sometimes even three before they give you a choice? What if I did one where you're instructed to keep going to four, then five, then six, and before you realize it, you're not in a Choose Your Own Adventure, you're just reading a book?

It made me laugh, but that's a really horrible idea.

Although thinking about CYOA books recently reminded me of The (Pick Your Own) Adventures of Roily Gemstone: An Autobiography. It is sadly out of print, and the author wishes to remain nameless. A CYOA book that never ends? That's good shit right there. Oh, and that link on the Gemstone review sadly no longer works. I remember enjoying those ridiculous songs.

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #379: CHOOSE YOUR OWN DEATH

 

I loved Choose Your Own Adventure books when I was a kid. Not gonna lie, I sometimes crack one open and give it a go. But most of my peers back then really wanted the happy endings. Not me. When I opened one of these books, I wanted to see just how fucked up my death was going to be.

I can't be the only one who did this, right? Or maybe I am. I don't know. I was a weird fuckin' kid.

The Deadly Shadow, as seen above, was my favorite because if memory serves, there were only two happy endings. All the others were doom and gloom. There's even a scene where you get water tortured. My favorite of the deaths was being eaten by army ants. That was the goriest best! There was also a whirlpool of death and unless my brain has become addled, I recall there being a nuclear death ending. How awesome is that?!

There were also the Time Machine books, but those didn't fascinate me because there was only ever one ending each, and it was a good one. It got frustrating because you'd sometimes get stuck in a loop you just can't get out of. These books could literally last forever.

There was another that was kinda cool. I wish I could remember the name of the series. It was kind of like a roleplaying game you could play with yourself. You could get into fights with bad guys that you could determine with dice rolls. There was one about a Samurai that I really loved. Maybe it's in my basement somewhere. There was another one that I think might have been called An Appointment with D.E.A.T.H., but I'm not too certain. I tried to Google these two, but I didn't get anywhere. Anyone remember these? A little help here?