DANCON: THE UNEXPECTED CONVENTION

Every time I cover a convention like Wizard World Chicago or C2E2, I almost always say that my favorite part is Artists Alley. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy meeting celebrities and has-beens and big name comics creators just as much as the next guy, but the true magic of the con experience is finding an amazing new book from an up and coming writer or artist (or in many cases, both in one person).

I discovered that a few of my friends were going to be at DanCon this year, and truth be told, since it didn’t get much attention, I didn’t really think about covering it. And then I found out that it’s in Orland Park, which is not far from my native Elmhurst, and that the price of entry is only three bucks. To top it all off, it’s one big Artists Alley. That’s it. No celebrities, very few vendors. Indie creators are the main draw of the place.

That doesn’t stop cosplayers. The very first thing I saw as I parked was some kid dressed up as Captain America, shield and all. I walked in the doors and saw the shortest con line I have ever seen, which warmed my heart, considering the garbage one has to go through to get into WWC. They also give you a bunch of free stuff, including a Hellboy mask.

Inside, it’s a very intimate setting. There are no lines to meet anyone. Maybe that’s a bad thing, since it usually indicates that someone isn’t worth the attention. However, if you see a book that really turns you on, you don’t have to wait to meet the creators. They’re just there. It’s very easy to meet new people. No one is on guard. It’s a very slow, laid-back environment.

There aren’t any creeps, either. The only problem I noticed was a guy who walked around playing really atrocious music loudly. The wife of the showrunner came by, asking if the guy was being obnoxious with his tunes. They’d already told the dude to turn down his music, and according to all reports, he was a dick about it. With reinforcement from the creators, she had security throw the guy out.

That’s it. Aside from that, there were no big problems.

Granted, it’s a small environment, and it’s only on a Sunday, from ten in the morning to four in the afternoon, so there isn’t a lot of room for problems, but still, that’s an amazing feat.

I got to catch up with friends there, as with every con. I saw Jon Lennon and Leo Perez, as always. Mat Festa was also there, as was Kurt Dinse. It was altogether an excellent experience with no tension or pressure at all.

Unfortunately, some of the strengths of the show also feed its main weakness: it’s a small show. There isn’t a lot to see. I still managed to come home with a good bundle of books, and I only spent about $100, but it wasn’t even a fraction of what an Artists Alley at, say, C2E2 would be. I would like to see more variety in their future, but I can promise one thing: if they’re back next year, I will be there. It’s a great time, and I recommend you all join me in its glories.

I just hope they move on from the stamp system. I’m a big fan of lanyards to get into a show. Hell, I’d even take a stupid wristband. That wouldn’t be so bad, since DanCon is only a day long. But a stamp? Fuck. First of all, I’m a sweaty motherfucker. By the end of the day, the mark was almost gone. I also had to avoid washing my right hand after going to the bathroom, lest I wash the mark away. That’s fine for number one (I hold my dick with my left hand), but for number two, I wipe with my right hand. Thank Christ I didn’t have to take a shit that day.

One more thing: while I was there, I commissioned a great work of art. I promised the artist I wouldn’t reveal his or her identity, but I would be remiss if I didn’t share the piece here. You may recognize these two parties as Jon Lennon and Josh Filer. Or you may be too lost in the nutsack and the grotesque double cumshot. But here is one of my favorite pieces ever. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it as much as I do. It’s worth the $20 I spent on it and so much more.

ONE QUESTION INTERVIEWS: JOSH FILER

Josh Filer is a sick motherfucker. Anyone who has read his series, GROSS, GRANDPA! can attest, he’s the master of showing you fucked up shit you could have never possibly imagined. I couldn’t think of anything he wouldn’t put down on paper, so here’s my question for him.

ME: You have depicted some of the most awesomely grotesque images ever in your work. Was there ever anything you wanted to do but it just wouldn’t translate to comic books?

JOSH FILER: Yeah, once I wrote this story called “The Andys” that I wanted terribly to make into a comic. It was about these two guys I knew both named Andy and I made them out to be rabid pedophiles. They got all pedo-crazy and a little kid fucking monster grew off one of them and invaded my body turning me into an Andy and forcing me to run my car through an elementary school playground in an attempt to fuck kids. But it hasn’t worked out for me to draw because a lot of the humor was in my choice of words and I never really worked out making the visuals worth a shit.

He also guest-starred on an Everyone’s Got One column I dida while ago about censorship. I’ve also reviewed him several times here (links within the previous link). If you see him at a con, make sure you get his books. You won't be disappointed. (Grossed out? Yep. Offended? Probably. But not disappointed.)

C2E2 2013 WRAP-UP

It’s no secret that over the years, I’ve come to favor C2E2 over Wizard World Chicago each and every time.  As a result, I felt betrayed when I was notified that C2E2 would not be granting me a press pass for 2013.  It hurt pretty badly, especially considering how fucking expensive it is to get into this thing for the whole weekend.  But when I thought more about it, I wasn’t quite so pissed.  Last year, I got sick on the first day, so I was only able to use what precious little material I was able to gather on Friday of the 2012 show.  While I think it’s unfair (because I spent the weekend in the ER being pumped full of fluids, anti-nausea medicine, and Dilaudid, which was not fun, rather than hanging out at C2E2 with my friends, meeting people, and going to panels, which is fun), I can see why they turned me down.

So I made it my personal mission this year to gather as much info as I could and write as many articles as I could muster.  Hence the incredibly long list of C2E2 coverage this year.  Seriously.  You just read seven weeks of C2E2 coverage.  If this doesn’t earn me a press pass for 2014, fucking nothing will.

I’m sorry to say that Friday seemed kind of lackluster.  I’d brought my friend, Fitz, along for the ride this year, and it was his first convention ever.  It was cool to watch his reaction to the whole thing, but I could tell even he was a bit disappointed.  He got to meet Laurie Holden, who plays Andrea on THE WALKING DEAD.  He actually brought a photo of her on the set of the MAGNIFICENT SEVEN TV show, which she probably found absolutely ludicrous.  As we walked away, he told me she was the first celebrity he’d ever actually talked to.  He was with me when I met James Cosmo and Natalie Dormer, but Holden was his First.

He handled it pretty well.  I remember when I met my first celebrity, which left me a bit starstruck, but after all of these years, it never strikes me anymore.

Anyway, Fitz was really hoping to meet Ron Perlman (and so was I, a bit), but the line was always too long, or he just wasn’t there.  Fitz felt the same way about the guy who played the Green Power Ranger, but the line was way longer than anyone expected.

Fitz had hung his hopes on meeting a lot of people, but as it turns out, most of them decided to only show up on Saturday.  He even wanted to meet J. Michael Straczynski because of the writer’s involvement with THE REAL GHOSTBUSTERS cartoon, but that turned out to be a no-go.  I think Fitz had a good time taking in the experience, but when it came to meeting celebrities, he was let down.  I was, too.  Friday was kind of a bust.

The highlight was introducing Fitz to Jon Lennon.  Here’s the thing:  Jon tried to get a table in Artists Alley, and they turned him down.  Sure, all of the tables were taken, but there was a ton of room for more tables.  They could have fit him and Mat Festa and anyone else who had requested to PAY for a table.  I could see them turning down a press pass for me, but to turn away PAYING ARTISTS?  That was lame.

It was also great to see Leo Perez, Kevin Bandt, Z.M. Thomas, and a few other Artists Alley friends (although surprisingly enough, I didn’t get to see Kurt Dinse until Sunday).  Josh Filer showed up the next day, so it was fun shooting the shit with him.  It was great to find out that he’s been telling people about all the horrendous stories I’ve told him in regards to my life.  The burn victim story, as portrayed in an issue of PRODUCT OF SOCIETY, seems to be a favorite.  I wished I could have gotten drunk with them on Saturday night, but by that point, I’d been fucked up beyond all belief.  I was ready to collapse.  I was still fucked up on Sunday.  Guys:  when Wizard World Chicago comes around, I promise to get drunk with you.  I have more fucked up stories about my life to tell.  Since the StrangeHouse guys will be there, maybe I can get all of you together for an evening of absolute lunacy.

My favorite part of any convention is hanging out with my Artists Alley friends, but this year I only got to stop by a couple of times.  I was too busy getting material for my C2E2 coverage, meeting celebrities, getting interviews, going to panels, etc.  I also had to dedicate some time to picking up a few books for my collection, like the most recent volume of THE GOON.  I was missing a few issues of SAGA, which I promptly bought.  Much to my surprise, Avatar’s new CALIGULA series had begun.  I guess my comic book shop must have missed it, so I got the four issues they’ve released so far (and yes, it’s fucking intense and crazy).

One of my big regrets is not getting a pulp magazine this year.  Every convention, I at least buy one, but not this year.  I couldn’t find a place selling them.  I’m sure there was one somewhere, but I don’t think I would have been able to afford it, anyway.  I spent the last of my money on something far more cooler than a pulp magazine:  a sketch from John McCrea.

Oh, you want to see it?  We’re almost there.  Hang on just a while longer.

I don’t regret the pulp thing too much, though.  My comic book shop now has a section for pulp magazines, and I’ve got a bunch on my pile, so that satisfies at least a part of my collecting OCD.

What surprised me the most was how busy it was on Sunday.  I expected it to be packed on Saturday, so I got there as early as my hangover would allow.  I still wound up parking on the roof, and it was in a handicapped space.  (What?  Don’t look at me like that.  The parking attendant TOLD ME to park there.)  On Sunday, I wound up on the roof again, but all the handicapped spots were taken.  The attendants were making up parking spots, and one of them directed me to such a non-existent space.

But even after a good night’s rest (and no hangover), on Sunday I still felt like collapsing.  I left a bit early, two hours from closing time.  I think I might be getting too old for this shit.

Either that, or I’ve finally gotten too fat for conventions.  Anyone who has seen me at one of these things can attest to how out of breath and sweaty I get, and that’s when I’m in fairly good shape.  This leads me to my next problem.

Will I get my press pass back for C2E2 2014?  I hope so . . . but I’ve decided that if I don’t get it, I’m going to give up.  These things are taking too much of a toll on me.  Besides, I’ve pretty much interviewed everyone I want to interview by this point.  There are two on my list that I want, and I know I’ll never get them:  Garth Ennis and William Christensen.  I’ve tried for the former the few times I’ve seen him, and the latter has apologetically turned me down ever since I first saw him at a con several years ago (being editor-in-chief of Avatar during a con is a pretty busy job, so I understand).

I’ve also had to face facts:  I’m not that great of an interviewer.  I’ve found that I can handle myself pretty well as an interviewee, but when I’m asking questions, I think I’m just mediocre.  I’ve only ever done a handful of great interviews, and they are as follows:  Jon Lennon and Leo Perez at the same time, Josh Filer, Jason Yungbluth, and this year’s John McCrea.  (There was also the interview Leo Perez and I did with Brian Azzarello, which was really good, but it was more Leo than me on that one.)  Those felt more like conversations rather than interviews, and that’s the way it should be.

If C2E2 gives me back my press pass, I will definitely do all the things that would require of me, but if they don’t . . . I guess I’ll just go for one day.  Whichever day has the most panels I want to sit in on will be the winner.  I’ll cover them, of course, because that’s fun, and I’ll review whatever I pick up in Artists Alley . . . although I’m starting to think some of you don’t believe the disclaimers I post for all the books I review that are written and/or illustrated by my Artists Alley friends.  Even they probably don’t believe me on some level, and saying otherwise will convince no one.

I’m pretty sure that Wizard World Chicago will grant me a press pass, and I’ll cover the shit out of it.  It’s just not as exhausting as C2E2 is, which may be what is killing it for me.

Even though Friday was disappointing, the other two days completely made it up for me.  The whole excursion was worth it.  It was great meeting so many new people, so many new creators, and hanging out with old friends that I know I couldn’t pass up another such opportunity.  C2E2 is still as fun as it was the first year, and it shows no signs of diminishing.  If you have the chance to go for 2014, I say do it.  I’ll be there.

I might be, as Robert Browning said near the end of “Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came,” “the last of me, a living frame/for one more picture” by the time you see me, but I will still be there.

And now the moment you’ve all been waiting for.  I can’t tell you how much this sketch of Tommy and Natt from HITMAN means to me.  It is now one of my most prized possessions.  These characters have long been gone from the DCU, but for just a brief second, whenever I hold this sketch, they’re alive again.  I now present it to you as my final word on C2E2 2013:

C2E2 2013 REVIEW: PRODUCT OF SOCIETY #6

[DEPT. OF FULL DISCLOSURE:  I know Jon Lennon, Leo Perez, and Josh Filer, and I consider them friends.  That said, I do not give out favorable reviews due to bias.  Luckily, I’ve never had to trash a friend yet.  I think that’s because I’m really good at meeting and befriending talented people.]

This is it.  After years of tormenting Chicago conventions, PRODUCT OF SOCIETY has reached the end.  This is the last issue.  Creator Jon Lennon has been at this since 2007, and now he’s ready to move on to new projects.  Does he go out on a high note?

As with the last few issues, this one is an anthology, a primer for anyone who wants to peruse Artists Alley.  He starts this one out with a story written and illustrated by him called “At a Trailer Park.”  A bunch of rednecks hang out in a trailer park as one of them boasts that he finally got his chick pregnant.  The baby, sadly, looks like a flipper-handed alien.  Oh yeah, and Jesus is hovering around over this guy’s trailer, and He is pissed.  As usual, Lennon is grotesque and offensive as all hell, and he comes armed with awesome lines like, “My grandma taught me to fuck like a stoned giraffe,” and “He shit out a black hole!”  Where can you go wrong?

Next up is Josh Filer’s “Boar Semen Extender,” which was reviewed here.

The third story is Leo Perez’s “The Hidden Truth,” about a spaceman in the future who discovers that L. Ron Hubbard—sorry, El-Ron—is still alive.  He’s been feeding off Thetans and living on the outskirts of Venus, where his head as gotten really fucking large.  Of course, the spaceman has a plan . . . .  Seriously, you can’t go wrong with a story that not just makes fun of Scientology, but also tears it to pieces.

The fourth story is “Consume,” written and illustrated by Thor Fjalarsson.  It’s a rather unsettling story about how corporations ruthlessly use their employees.  A boss calls one of his employees into his office not to fire him, but, well, read the story and see for yourself.  That last page is fucking intense.

“Alien-Zombie-Vampires . . . from CANADA!!!” is probably the weakest story in the book.  Written and illustrated by Ray Wegner, it tells of the Canadian invasion of America, in particular Chicago.  It would seem that Canadian scientists managed to put together a hybrid of the three titular monsters, which they used to take down Chicago.  The problem is, this isn’t much of a story.  It seems like a prologue to something bigger.  The art’s pretty cool, though.

The last story, “Ailment,” is written by Lennon and illustrated by Alexis Moulds.  It seems to be about the deconstruction of beauty.  Surely, those who read Lennon’s work aren’t used to cute deer, birds, and squirrels in his work, but never fear.  It doesn’t last long.  A young girl frolics in the forest with her woodland creatures, but something is amiss.  What happens is brutal and gorgeous.  Check out that last panel.  It’s the perfect way to end the final book in the series.

Be sure to check out PRODUCT OF SOCIETY #6.  Lennon says maybe someday the title will come back in a much different form, but for now, this is the end of one of the finest series Artists Alley has produced.  Buy it before it goes out of print.

PRODUCT OF SOCIETY #6

Written and illustrated by various artists

Published by CheeseLord Comics

24 pages

$3.99

C2E2 2013 REVIEW: HYPER-ACTIVELY ATTENTION DEFI--LET'S GO!

[DEPT. OF FULL DISCLOSURE:  I know Josh Filer, and I consider him a friend.  That said, I do not give out favorable reviews due to bias.  Luckily, I’ve never had to trash a friend yet.  I think that’s because I’m really good at meeting and befriending talented people.]

While Artists Alley is one of the best parts of any convention, it’s not a 100% guarantee that you’ll walk away with winners.  However, there is a handful of creators that you can always count on (and oddly enough, they usually sit pretty close together).  Josh Filer is one of those guys.  If his books don’t make you feel uneasy, if they don’t offend you on some level, and if they don’t make you laugh, then there is something wrong with you.

His new book, HYPER-ACTIVELY ATTENTION DEFI--LET’S GO! (which, by the way, is the most apt title anyone could ever come up with for this issue), is a collection of short strips that will fuck with you and will fuck you up.

He starts out with “Moon Shits,” which was also in a recent issue of PRODUCT OF SOCIETY reviewed here [link].  It’s followed up by “Rap Battle,” which one can only, desperately hope was based on a true story.  A young Josh rides along with his father, who is an auctioneer who likes to practice on his son a lot.  Like, A LOT.  He goes so fast his words literally bounce off young Josh’s head.  Along the way on their road trip, the ol’ man runs into a fellow auctioneer, and they decide to have a showdown.  Even though there is nothing obscene about this one, it is probably one of the more surreal things Filer has ever done.

Relax.  The next strip, “Boar Semen Extender,” makes up for the lack of obscenity.  A father is angry with his wife for feeding their kids . . . something.  It’s very vague at first, but she reluctantly agrees near the end of the argument.  As soon as he’s gone, the kids beg for goo, and she complies by feeding their pet boar something called, you guessed it, “Boar Semen Extender.”  You don’t want to miss what happens next, because it is one of the filthiest, most awesomely vile things ever put to page in a comic book.  It even beats out some of the things in DICKS, and that’s a really fucking hard thing to do.

Ready to be offended?  Then “Fire Retard Ant” is for you!  Two ants are hanging out in a grocery store, thrilled to be shitting all over the floor, when one of them is run over by a cart.  He survives, but now he’s incredibly slow, to put it politely.  He wanders into “black territory,” where all the ants look like Al Jolson in THE JAZZ SINGER.  No shit.  They’re all in black face, and they’re all eating watermelon.  And then, something REALLY uncomfortable happens . . . .

Now that you’ve been grossed out, baffled, and offended, it’s time to show you something batshit crazy.  Like, Ryan Browne-kind of lunacy.  “Shark Castle Monster Truck” is . . . well, it’s about a bunch of sharks driving a monster truck that is actually a castle, and they kill a lot of people.  Oh yeah, and there are tits!  And something else, but who knows what the fuck is going on with that last page?

Filer rounds the book out with a prologue from GROSS, GRANDPA! #3.  Bones and Rusty Buttfuck are appraising the damage to the tree house when Bones brings Rusty down to the basement to show him his fishing lure collection before revealing his little surprise.  By the way, if anyone should ever ask you, “You wanna’ see something I have chained up in the basement?” the answer should probably be a resounding NO.

Filer has done it once again.  This book is his mind unfettered, and his mind is a mishmash of horrendous, hilarious, and reprehensible shit.  In other words, it’s one of the best books from C2E2 this year!  (Also, be sure to check out the “ad” on the back cover for Dry Corn Turds.)

HYPER-ACTIVELY ATTENTION DEFI--LET’S GO!

Written and illustrated by Josh Filer

Published by Josh Filer

20 pages

$5--Get it here!