COOL SHIT 4-10-14

KICK-ASS 3 #7: (Please remember that Cool Shit contains spoilers. To quote a great man, “Tread lightly.”) Mark Millar’s not fucking around. This is the end of KICK-ASS. He pulls a very bizarre move in this issue though: he has the Motherfucker turn on his Mafia family and try to save Hit-Girl. I’m unclear as to why he does this. It’s completely out of character for him. Is it just so he can have his Hobgoblin-from-the-third-Spider-Man moment? Ugh. Not that it matters, though, since the Motherfucker gets killed in this issue. Seriously, Millar is an animal. He could do anything. There is one issue left, and there’s no way to predict the ending. For all we know, Hit-Girl and Kick-Ass die in the end. I suspect Hit-Girl will get it. I don’t know about Kick-Ass, but we’ll see soon. (PS: I love Big Daddy’s monster truck.)

G.I. JOE: SPECIAL MISSIONS #14: This one is reminiscent of the old Marvel G.I. JOE book. This is the perfect example of a Special Mission, taking one character and spotlighting him in the field. This is Lowlight’s book as he faces off against a Cobra sniper with a wounded Mainframe in the middle of it all. Since COBRA FILES ended, I’ve been greatly disappointed with this title. It was nice to see this one go out on top with a cool issue. That’s right, this is the last issue of SM. We’re stuck with the regular G.I. JOE from here on out (and the original Hama series, which is hit or miss). It’s a shame. I hope the next step for IDW and these characters is much better than what we’ve been getting lately.

THE TWILIGHT ZONE #4: And so the first story arc ends. It comes to a very satisfying ending. I’m not sure if it’s something that Rod Serling would have done, but tone-wise, I think he would have been proud. The only problem I have with it is the introduction of the next story by interweaving it with this one in an odd hybrid of an epilogue/prologue. It seems a bit cheap. I’d rather do without it. Besides, it ruins the effect of the final monologue (which, presumably, belongs to Serling). But I’ll reserve judgment until I’ve read the next issue.

THE WALKING DEAD #125: Here we have it, ladies and gentlemen. The moment of truth. Rick vs. Negan, one on one. Except . . . it’s not the two-fisted battle in a boiler room you might expect. No, it’s a verbal argument. And shockingly enough, Rick gives Negan a wonderful argument for why the war should end. He’s of the opinion that they could achieve wonderful things if they just worked together instead of trying to kill each other. Surprise! Rick gets through to Negan. He sees the light. It looks like we’re going to have a peace agreement. Too bad Rick fucking slits Negan’s throat. All right, I don’t really think he does a good enough job. I’ll bet next issue, it will be revealed to be a shallow job, and Negan’s going to make it. Kirkman’s not done with a guy like Negan, not yet. No fucking way. We don’t have his backstory yet. But we’ll see. Next issue is the last of “All Out War.”

Here’s a bonus: NEXT TESTAMENT #8. I’m going to review it next week on Wednesday at the Napalm Reviews, but I just wanted to share this wonderful image from this book with you. Haemi Jang is a wonderful artist.

Stay tuned next week for a special announcement concerning this column.

COOL SHIT 2-13-14

KICK-ASS 3 #6: This is a bit of an odd story to tell this late in the series. The prison shrink is trying to get to the base of Hit-Girl’s problems by asking her to tell the story of the first time her father made her kill someone. It’s a walk down memory lane for her, where we get a little more of her backstory, even though the series is almost at its conclusion. Still, it’s a lot of fun, especially since she had performance anxiety at first. Big Daddy came up with a spectacular way to make killing fun for her, as well as to help her overcome her issues. Not a lot happens to move the main story along, though . . . except that last panel, of course. 2 MORE ISSUES TO GO!

THE TRANSFORMERS: ROBOTS IN DISGUISE #26: Dark Cybertron has been sucking pretty badly, but IDW seems to be pulling it around. In this issue, Megatron actually helps save the day. Not only that, but the Lost Light has returned, reuniting the two books. And we learn a lot about Orion Pax in this one. After he learned how all of the Primes were scumbags, he couldn’t go on endorsing them by keeping the name Optimus Prime. However, Rodimus, of all people, turns him around on this by saying he’s always wanted to be, not just a Prime, but Optimus Prime. In his time as Optimus, Orion brought greatness back to the title. And yes, due to this, we have Optimus back!

FATALE #20: It’s great to see Jo back in action now that she finally knows who she is again. She’s making her way through the world, killing the cultists on her trail and . . . saving Nicholas? Could it be that she actually likes him? Is that why she “lets all of her nightmares” into Nelson? Or does she have something else planned for poor Nicholas? It was interesting to see Jo’s suicide attempts over the years. But even better is Nicholas’s revelation that maybe, just maybe, Jo is not a good person to have in his life, even if she just saved it. FOUR ISSUES TO GO!

THE WALKING DEAD #121: Oh shit. Rick has lost his number one secret. Negan has found Eugene and his bullet factory. Things don’t bode well for the Community. Not to mention the fact that Dr. Cloyd is gone, and the Community is so fucked up Rick can’t defend it. They actually have to flee to the Hilltop, and even Ezekiel has given up. But my favorite part is when Carl calls Rick a “wimp” for passing out. Seriously, Rick passes out more than a governess in a bodice-ripper. Good for Carl for pointing out what we all want to say. Well, maybe my favorite part is when Negan consults his, uh, crystal balls.

COOL SHIT 9-12-13

KICK-ASS 3 #3:  Aw, man!  The BATMAN:  YEAR ONE plan didn’t work out.  That’s all right, I guess.  Things got pretty fucked up without it.  The Motherfucker is back in action, too, but the real star of this one was Hit-Girl and how she’s been conducting herself in prison.  Drinking whiskey, smoking cigarettes, and castrating drug dealers.  Good times.

THE WALKING DEAD #114:  The stage is set for “All Out War.”  Jesus did a lot of ass kicking this issue, more than you’ve ever seen him do before.  Hell, he managed to upstage Ezekiel’s tiger.  More importantly, Rick is constantly reminded of his fuck up by everyone else.  He’s been too undependable lately, so hopefully this shit gets him back in working order.  And Negan?  Oh, he’s pissed.  The shit hits the fan next month, and I can’t wait!

LOCKE & KEY:  ALPHA #1:  Wow.  Now we finally know Dodge’s plan, and holy shit, it’s even crazier and more destructive than anyone could imagine.  It’s much better than the usual rule-the-world bullshit.  A lot of the plot gets wrapped up in this issue.  People die, things are destroyed, and Tyler shows off a very valuable talent.  It looks like all that’s left is an epilogue.  That final panel is an absolute heart-breaker.  And check it out:  in the back, they show some pictures taken during the making of the ill-fated pilot episode of LOCKE & KEY.  It looks like things really came together on that pilot.  It’s a shame this is probably the closest we’ll ever come to seeing it.  1 ISSUE LEFT!

COOL SHIT 8-22-13

NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD:  AFTERMATH #10:  Noooooooo!  Writer David Hine lived up to his threat from last issue.  They took my favorite character and injected him with the zombie serum.  Many of you may remember me saying they should have given Vic his own spin-off, but I guess that’s not happening now . . . .  However, he’s not out of the picture yet.  It seems that this new version of the serum has let him retain some of his intelligence.  I’m not sure how I feel about that, but I’ll definitely wait it out and see where Hine is going with this.

THE LAST ZOMBIE:  THE END #3:  The shit has hit the fan.  Dr. Ian Scott’s secret is out.  Everyone knows he’s slowly becoming one of the undead.  Now Planters and company have to figure out what they’re going to do with him.  In the meantime, Frankie turns out to be just like her other incarnations.  For those who don’t know, she’s appeared several times in writer Brian Keene’s novels, usually alternate universe versions of her.  Very few of them turn out to have good luck.  They’ve also made a odd choice with the new artist, Ben Dunn.  In fact, looking through this issue kind of reminds me in moments of my webcomic with Robert Tannahill, THE COCAINE! BROS.  When the guys finally make their escape from Chicago, two of them finally get to deal with Harrow.  As they descend upon him, I get a definite Tucker/Hunter feeling from them.

G.I. JOE:  THE COBRA FILES #5:  Finally, we get a look into Clockspring’s past.  He’s easily one of the creepiest members of the Joe team, and not the cool kind of creepy, like Freddy Krueger.  No, this is creepy like the guy who follows you home at midnight.  Still, it’s great to see him finally fleshed out.  We now see what makes him tick.  When I was at C2E2, writer Mike Costa promised a lot of emotional damage coming in the near future.  I think this might be the calm before the storm.  Writers don’t always deliver on such promises, but Costa usually does.  It makes my ballsack shrivel just thinking about it.  I think things are about to get fucked the fuck up.

CROSSED:  BADLANDS #35:  If there was any doubt that Amanda has finally lost it completely, it should be gone by now.  Lorre really got into her head pretty badly, and now she’s murdering regular people, pretending that the Crossed got to them.  So, you know, she had to mutilate the bodies and cut their dicks off, and all that stuff.  How much farther can writer David Lapham push her?  I guess we’ll find out next issue, when this story arc concludes.  (Oh yeah, and Candy has gotten pretty weird, as I’m sure you can tell from the sample above.  That’s the prelude to the strangest face-fuck in comics history.)

KICK-ASS 3 #2:  This is a low-key story for Kick-Ass himself.  No, the star of this one is Rocco Genovese, the most recent member of this scumbag mobster family to enter into play.  He is infinitely scarier than any of his brethren.  I can’t wait to see more of this guy in action.  This is also quite the issue for the Motherfucker’s mother, who toys with the idea of taking her son out of the world to atone for bringing him into it.  Things get mighty strange by the last page.  (OK, Kick-Ass does one thing that’s really cool in this issue.  Check out his BATMAN YEAR ONE plan to see what I mean.)

COOL SHIT 3-22-12

HELLBLAZER #289: I can’t get over how hard this book gets me. It’s the best it’s been in fucking years, man. Peter Milligan knows what he’s doing, and so does Giuseppe Camuncoli. But the true star is Simon Bisley, the cover artist. Holy fucking shit, would you look at that? No one has gotten to the heart of this book so well since Sean Phillips was the regular artist. It’s down and dirty. You know what you’re getting when you see that artwork. Bisley’s a fucking fiend, and I love what he’s doing. I also love that the First is still around, doing his level best to fuck John Constantine over. As a result, Constantine gets shot out of Hell and back to earth . . . buried alive. As he tries to get out, the First keeps stepping on him, demanding that Constantine finally admit that he’s lost. Naturally, Constantine shows him the typical two fingers, Britain’s version of the middle finger. Gemma has had the shit kicked out of her by her lover and Constantine’s father-in-law . . . and Epiphany kinda-sorta does something that will undoubtedly change her life (and the course of this book). As great as Azzarello and Ellis were on this book, this is the best its been since Ennis. That’s saying a lot.

WONDER WOMAN #7: Speaking of Azzarello, he continues to make this book very readable. He adds a few more Greek myths to the tale, most notably Eros (a pistol-packing granter of wishes in the realm of love) and Hephaestus (a monstrous welder of magical weapons). More importantly, Azzarello finally answers a question that probably has not been plaguing the minds of Wonder Woman fans: why do the Amazons not have any brothers? Well, who says they don’t? In perfect ancient Greek fashion, they get rid of undesirable babies. Buy the book and find out what happens to them.

FABLES #115: I’m glad to see this book back on track. Nurse Pratt inserts herself back in Fabletown and manages to fool everyone, including Old King Cole, into believing her story. But the best part about this is Therese’s journey to her new kingdom, a land of forgotten toys, where she is to be the new queen. There is something truly unsettling about these toys, especially Mr. Ives and Nan. I think they might all be batshit crazy. Good things are not in store for Bigby and Snow White’s daughter. I wish the Oz back up story was a bit better, though.

KICK-ASS 2 #7: The stunning conclusion to another Millarworld book. Of course, it is just as fucked up as you think it will be. The “superheroes” and “supervillains” are having a two-fisted battle in Times Square, and Kick-Ass finds himself facing off against Motherfucker in their final fight to the death. Well, kind of. Even though Motherfucker definitely deserves an awful death, we all know Kick-Ass doesn’t have willful murder in his soul. However, Hit-Girl is a different story. She has no problem with beheading Motherfucker’s lieutenant, an ex-KGB agent. The ending is heartbreaking, though no one can say they didn’t see it coming. It absolutely promises a third series, and that doesn’t count the forthcoming HIT-GIRL monthly, which purports to take place between the first and second series.

COOL SHIT 9-29-11

AMERICAN VAMPIRE #19: So . . . Skinner Sweet and Jim Book, mortal enemies, were childhood friends? And Book’s family adopted Skinner when his parents died, making them brothers? Very interesting. We finally get a look at Sweet before he was turned into a vampire. It turns out that even as a child, he was an evil little bastard. I desperately hope that what happened at the end of #18 wasn’t the end of him. Without him, I don’t know if I want to go on reading this book.

THE LAST ZOMBIE: INFERNO #3: So far, this book has just been good enough. For those who don’t know, the zombie apocalypse is over, and we won. It’s just that the world has been thrown into chaos, and a group of soldiers is making their way across the wasteland that remains. Dr. Ian Scott wants nothing more than to see his wife again, but somehow he’s become infected and is turning into a zombie. He keeps this a secret from the others because he wants to make it to his woman before he dies. The real star, however, and the character who made me want to add this book to Cool Shit this week, is Planters, one of the soldiers, who is haunted by what happened to his family during the zombie apocalypse. We finally get his story, and holy shit, is it a nasty one. If you only know writer Brian Keene from his novels, you should try out this book.

KICK-ASS 2 #4: Yes, ladies and gentlemen, what you see above is Red Mist gunning down several children, and that’s not even the worst thing he does in this issue. All right, he’s calling himself Motherfucker these days, but it’s still everyone’s favorite twat, Red Mist. Even his fellow supervillains think this is fucked up. His response: “Oh, come on. So iCarly loses a few viewers? Give me a fucking break.” He then proceeds to rape Kick-Ass’ love interest. That’s right, he rapes her. Think about the horrifying implications of this. When the Joker crippled Barbara Gordon, did he rape her? No, he merely shot her in the spine. When was the last time you heard of the Green Goblin forcing himself on Gwen Stacy? Right. Writer Mark Millar has upped the ante with this issue. It’s almost like he’s taken Alan Moore’s place. Remember when Moore published the second LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN? And he had Mr. Hyde rape the Invisible Man to death? It was almost as if Moore had seen the movie made of the first and was daring Hollywood to put that scene to film. That’s the same kind of feeling I’m getting from Millar on this one. I’d tell you to go out and buy this book, but considering its enormous popularity, you probably already have.

COOL SHIT 10-21-10

KICK-ASS 2 #1:  Issue one just came out, and already I’m wondering if Mark Millar sold the movie rights to it.  The man somehow manages to get movies made of his work before it’s even finished.  Does he have a pact with the devil?  Maybe, but regardless, he’s got a metric shit-ton of talent.  If you’re reading this, you probably don’t need me to tell you that.  Kick-Ass and Hit-Girl are back, and if you only know them from the movie, you need to pick up the books.  They’re infinitely more fucked up, although their hearts are in the same place.  Apparently, Dave Lizewski’s antics as Kick-Ass has garnered a lot of attention, and people are imitating him left and right.  It only makes sense that a group of these imitators would eventually form a Justice League situation, and this seems to be the thrust of the new series.  Aside from this, it’s a sheer pleasure to watch Hit-Girl beat the shit out of Kick-Ass before sending a team of “grown men with severe learning difficulties” after him . . . for training.  The best part, though:  Doctor Gravity’s explanation of his Gravity Pole.  I’d tell you to buy this book, but you probably already have.  (I could probably do without the tagline, though:  “Taste the awesome!”  I’d rather not, thank you.)

VERTIGO RESURRECTED #1:  There isn’t a whole lot I could say about this issue.  Most of it contains reprints from older Vertigo books, and honestly, I’ve reviewed them before, waaaay back when I was in college.  The main purpose of this book is to finally release the HELLBLAZER story that got Warren Ellis fired from the book:  “Shoot.”  It was originally scheduled to be released around the same time that Columbine happened.  Vertigo wanted to pull it, Ellis didn’t want to, so he was let go.  Honestly, the story isn’t much at first.  I can easily see why it was postponed (the first page depicts a teenager shooting another teenager in the face, after all), but the first half of the story is about the protagonist pondering about why someone would do something like this while listening to recorded footage of the Jonestown massacre.  Nothing big in the realm of storytelling.  However, the moment when John Constantine shows up in the protagonist’s office becomes a game changer.  I won’t say how it changes (that would be criminal), but it is very, very shocking and intelligent stuff.  The last panel is so chilling, I don’t have the words for it.  This is what art should be, and Vertigo pussied out ten years ago.  And they’re on the cutting edge of storytelling, in my opinion.  Not as much as Avatar, perhaps, but they’re definitely risk takers.  It says a lot that they didn’t run this tale.  It’s a potent story, just make sure you stay with it.