COVER REVEAL: MAIL ORDER BRIDE by John Bruni

 

Art by Luke Spooner

Coming soon!

POST-PRINTERS ROW SALE 2023

 OK, things went really well at Printers Row, as usual, but I do have a few books left over, so it's time for my annual post-Printers Row sale! Here is what I have available and what I'm charging for each (shipping prices included, US only, sorry everyone else):

BLOOD (2 copies): $13

THE LIFE AND TIMES OF HIERONYMUS ALOYSIS ZIEGE (14 copies): $10

TRAIL OF BLOOD (6 copies): $14

If you want to order all three, I'll give you a deal. $30 for the whole package, shipping and all. Here's an additional deal: If you order from me today, September 13, 2023, by midnight, each book is $8 (shipping included). You can let me know in the comments or on whichever social media you follow me on. Or, if you prefer, you can send me a message at tabardinnedgewoodent@yahoo.com. Thank you!

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #716: PAGE NUMBERS

 

In one way I'm lucky. In another way I'm not. To address the first, 99.9% of the people who read my books love them. To address the second, not a lot of people pick up my books. So not a lot of people have read my new book, Trail of Blood, but those who have love the shit out of it.

But everyone who read the book has one complaint, and it's the same for everyone. They all ask, "Where are the page numbers?"

I have a thing about page numbers. I don't want readers looking at them, wondering how much longer they have to go before the chapter is done. Or the book is done. If they're asking that question, then I'm not doing my job well enough.

So when I put together my first print book on my own (with only Luke Spooner's help for the cover art), I decided to not number the pages. Wow, did that backfire on me. Okay, okay, I hear you. The next book I do all on my own will have the fucking page numbers. Jesus God in Tromaville.

I'm not going back to add the numbers to this one. I already went through three hells getting that book out into the world. But for the others forthcoming? Yeah, yeah. You'll get your page numbers.

*sigh*

GOODREADS GIVEAWAY FOR TRAIL OF BLOOD

 

Check it out here. Good luck!

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #704: NON-WRITING WRITING WORK

 

Today I did a lot of writing work that didn't include actual writing. For example, I updated my website. Some of my stuff went out of print. So did some of the free stories, sadly. I took down the links that no longer worked. I also took some other stuff out. It sounded too much like a younger, brasher me than I liked. I also took the nudity out. I doubt anyone wanted to see my dick on that website. If you did, then it has immortal life in print. You can find it in Tabard Inn issue two if you like.

I also went through the process of setting up a new Goodreads giveaway. Those usually are pretty successful for me. It's going to be for Trail of Blood, so when it gets approved, I'll post the link.

I also looked into Bookbub, which I don't think I'll be doing. Your Kindle books need to be part of Kindle Unlimited, and mine aren't. They won't be until they change the 7-day return policy. If you don't know what that is, people who are members "buy" your book, and you get paid your share. They read it in under 7 days and return it, and then you have to pay Amazon back, which is something I'm not willing to do.

I put out a few book review requests, but I haven't had much luck with that so far.

But the big thing I did today was begin the process of starting up a Patreon. It's been something people have suggested for a while, but I was always concerned that I'd put it together, and no one would go for it. Ah, fuck it. I'm doing it. I'll post the link when it's approved. The idea is to treat it like a Middle Ages patron. They helped keep artists alive by paying for room and board, etc. So for the basic pledge, you'll get a newsletter of sorts with writing updates, peeks at works in progress, links to new publications, news releases before anyone else gets to know, occasional giveaways, etc. To let you know that your money is going toward something. Higher pledges offer the opportunity to have your works in progress assessed by me, or if you're not a writer, I'll name a character after you in something that will definitely be published. Not to mention being mentioned in the acknowledgements of all my books going forward.

That's how I spent my day. More news to follow.

FREE BOOKS

 

OK, so I'm giving away some of my books. This is addressed to two kinds of people: my readers and anyone who has a book review website (or better yet, a print magazine you write for).

TO MY READERS: To the first ten people who buy a print copy of my new book, TRAIL OF BLOOD, I will send you a free signed copy of my previous book, THE LIFE AND TIMES OF HIERONYMUS ALOYSIS ZIEGE. I have three copies of Trail that you can buy from me personally for $13 even, no additional shipping. Otherwise, you can buy it elsewhere and send me a copy of the receipt at tabardinnedgewoodent@yahoo.com. First come, first serve. Remember, this is for the first ten readers. US only. Sorry, everyone else.

TO REVIEWERS: I'm going on the honor system here. I'm not going to check up on you, so if you're going to lie to me, please make it a good one and at the very least leave a review for me on Amazon and Goodreads. But if you are a book reviewer, I have a few copies of Trail of Blood that were not up to snuff for me. Some copies have super small lettering and aren't very well spaced, and other copies have a couple of typos (which is particularly embarrassing because one of them is part of the back copy). Contact me here or on my social media or at the email above, and I'll send you a copy free of charge in exchange for an honest review. As stated above, US only. Sorry, everyone else.

Any questions? Let me know.

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #647: TRAIL OF BLOOD (PRINT)

 

A little while ago I received my print copies of Trail of Blood. They looked perfect on the outside, and then I looked on the inside.

Whoops. It did not look good on the inside. I think I might have been the one to fuck it up, though. Looking at the previewer on KDP, it looked fine. But it didn't look the same in real life. The font, for example, was so small I needed a magnifying glass to read it.

I swear, I didn't mean it to happen this way. I get irritated when a book has super small print, so I felt angry with myself for letting this happen.

I pulled the print edition and went back to work on it. I changed all the things that I found issues with, so I think the second edition is going to look fucking great. I haven't gotten them yet, but you can get yours here.

Which leads me to the point of this whole thing. If you ordered a copy of the first edition and couldn't stand how it looked, I apologize. If you're in the US, send me a picture of you with the book open to chapter one, and I'll replace it out of my own pocket. Speak now, or forever hold your peace because this offer expires at the end of this month. Let me know as soon as you can.

If you're outside the US, I can't really send you anything. The postage alone would kill me. But I'll send you something digital for free. We can work something out.

NOW AVAILABLE: TRAIL OF BLOOD BY JOHN BRUNI

 

Check it out here!

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #504: SPLATTER WESTERNS

 

Look at that! The cover of my next (probably) book!

Many of you may have been wondering where that splatter western I was talking about a while back went to. I swear, it's finished and almost ready. Even if I die tomorrow, it will still be published at some point, as it is waiting in the folder I have called IN THE EVENT OF MY DEATH. And goddam! That's a beautiful cover from Luke Spooner! But oddly enough, that's not what I'm here to talk about today.

For a very brief period of time the splatter western was all the rage, and as I suspected, it ran out of gas pretty quickly. That's what happens with a lot of sub-sub-sub genre stuff. I thought the phrase was pretty laughable, and I still do. This is actually a book I originally wrote in 2003 and was doing a huge overhaul on, but I knew there was no way it would be out in time to cash in on the Great New Thing, which wasn't all that new, anyway. I much preferred it when it was called the Weird Western Tale.

Regardless, my topic for tonight is my disdain for publishing labels. Or any marketing labels, really. I think it diminishes the work because humanity just absolutely cannot stop themselves from classifying everything. I understand it when it comes to science, but when it comes to art? No thanks.

You may also recall me talking about my splatter SF book, and I'm here to assure you it was very much tongue in cheek. Who the hell writes a splatter SF book, anyway? You might mention the movie, Event Horizon, which would qualify if I didn't despise labels so much. But when you think of SF, you mostly think of hard SF or social SF, and even those labels are too much for me. To quote Heinlein, "Specialization is for insects."

I get the need for some categories. Horror, SF, mystery, fantasy, so on. But when you start splitting those up into sub-categories, that's where you lose me. Must we turn every single fucking thing on this planet into a marketing scheme? I guess the answer is yes, but very few see it as cheapening art, which it is doing.

I remember when I first heard of Korpiklaani, which I simply consider to be metal. But because everyone loves labels, I started going around calling them Finnish folk metal, just to see if anyone would bite. Imagine my surprise when, a couple of albums back, they had a sticker on their CD cover proclaiming them to be Finnish folk metal. I doubt they got that from me. I hope they didn't. But if I started something, I really need to stop talking about splatter SF before some fool takes up that banner and waves it like a lunatic.

Maybe I'm just being ye olde stick in the mud. Perhaps I am. But this situation is almost as bad as people calling art "content." I fucking hate that. If art really is content, maybe I should give up writing and become a YouTube star. To quote Jello Biafra, "Is my cock big enough? Is my brain small enough? For you to make me a star?"