GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #541: VOICEWORK

 I've been told that I have a very pleasant voice ever since I was a child. I think I refined it perfectly when I worked for many years as a conference operator. I've had lots of experience reading aloud. Everyone from my mom when I was a kid to the people I shared my IOP meetings with, they've all said I have a great voice. I'm so good at it that customers at work routinely ask me if I'm a bot or a real person.

So fuck it. Maybe I should go into voice work. I think I could probably be some cartoon character's voice,  or perhaps I could do some audio books. Shit, I think I could even do voiceovers on commercials.

I looked into it a bit, and the number one piece of advice the internet seems to have is to get a decent recorder. That's all well and good, and if I'm really serious about this kind of thing I think that should be a pretty good step one. But what's the point if I can't find anywhere to submit applications?

I know a few people who do voicework, and maybe some of you are reading this. How does one get into voicework? How do you find jobs in that industry? I'm not seeing a lot on Indeed about this, so I'm guessing there are other places to go job hunting for this kind of thing? Any suggestions?

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #540: IS ANYONE REALLY SAFE?

 So I read this last week, and I think you should give it a glance before continuing with me.

So yeah, I've been seeing a lot of talk about this lately, and people seem to think Darryl, Maggie and Negan are safe because they're getting spin-off series. But is anyone really safe?

Because I don't take it for granted that those shows are happening. I think the one with Rick and Michonne is definitely happening because for some reason, unbeknownst to me, everyone loves Rick fucking Grimes even though he's a murderous psychopathic piece of shit who seems convinced that he's a good guy. But it's happening. The others? I'm not convinced.

Not following me, Axel? Check this out:

Do those covers look familiar? They might. They might not. But at the very least, if you read the comics, you might think, hey, didn't TWD end at issue 193? Why yes, it most certainly did. Then what are these covers? Fan art?

Nope. Kirkman wanted to shock everyone with an unexpected ending to the series, so he had two covers made up so he could solicit them as if the comics were actually going to exist. It angered a lot of people, but I gotta say it impressed me. I didn't think anyone was capable of such trickery, and I appreciate the effort that went into this.

So do you really put it past AMC to make up spin-off series just for the sake of lulling you all into a sense of false security? "At least I know my beloved Darryl won't die on the show! He's getting his own show after this!" Until they kill him in the last episode, and Norman Reedus and Scott Gimple and Robert Kirkman show up on Talking Dead to explain their ruse.

Does that seem so far fetched? Does it?

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #539: I'VE BEEN ON THE FORCE FOR 40 YEARS

 I saw a friend I haven't seen in years yesterday, and we were talking about college when it dawned on me that I'd graduated 22 years ago. It's rare when I think about my college days, but it's kind of funny feeling that revelation. I remember when I was a kid and I'd watch movies and TV shows, and characters would talk about doing something for decades. For example, there was always a grizzled cop on the edge who plays by his own rules saying things like, "I've been on the force for 40 years."

I remember thinking back then that it would be pretty cool to have done things for decades on end. Back then I was, what? Ten? Now that I'm 44 I realize that I actually have been doing things for decades. I've been writing professionally for decades. I've known friends for decades. I recently realized that I've been a college graduate for decades.

It seemed so mystical when I was a kid. Now that I'm middle-aged? Not so much. But it still feels kinda cool.

Goodnight, fuckers.

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #538: THE NEW BLUE OYSTER CULT ALBUM

 

I've been a longtime fan of Blue Oyster Cult. I have some of their albums on vinyl originally given to me from my mom and dad's collections. And I've loved the fact that they keep making new albums, but they kind of fell off about 20-ish years ago. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that they released a new album in 2020!

And it fucking rocks. Their tastes have not changed over the years. I love that they're still singing horror songs like "Tainted Blood." "The Alchemist" also scratches that horror itch. They look kind of frail in "That Was Me," but they sound tough as hell. And it's good to see they've embraced the cowbell. I miss Buck Dharma's mustache, though. And, uh, does he have a Swiss cheese guitar?!

"Florida Man" is actually kind of mournful, which I didn't expect, but I dig it. And I very much enjoyed "Fight," the last song on the album. If this is their last song, I think it's a perfect one to go out on.

It's good to see they're still putting music out, and that it's up to par. But if you're not interested in that kind of thing, you can always lean on the classics. Ever see this video?

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #537: CLIVER BARKER AND MY MOM'S COMA

 So today is Clive Barker's 70th birthday. It's weird because Stephen King just turned 75 last month, still alive despite struggles with addiction and having gotten brutally hit by a van. I've mentioned it elsewhere, but I'm of the firm belief that King is the best he's ever been now, and considering the beloved classics he gave us once upon a time, that's saying something huge.

But it's hard to think of Barker at 70. I imagine (Imajica?) he's more or less retired from writing, considering his ill-received The Scarlet Gospels. I liked it, but I understand why most everyone despised it. I met him a couple of times and enjoyed both experiences. I know he's had some struggles of late what with the toxic shock incident, but it's good to know that he's still around.

So when I was in high school my mom was in a coma. I know that sounds like an odd transition, but I promise it will make sense soon. She was in a drunk driving accident so severe that she lost a year and a half of her life in the hospital.

I only have a teenager's memories of this, so I might have the details wrong, but she had been partying at a bar and got a ride home from a guy who was also pretty drunk. They wound up crashing into the back of a UPS truck at full speed. I'm told the car looked like an accordion. The driver was OK. Mom was not because she had a lifelong habit of not wearing her seatbelt properly. You know the part that's supposed to go across your chest? She always put that behind her back because it irritated her, she always said.

So instead of protecting her, the seatbelt destroyed her guts to the point that she had to have her belly open for about a year. The doctors had to keep going in for surgeries, and sewing her up would defeat the purpose. She lost a lot of her insides because of this. The nature of her injuries was pretty singular, and the doctors who treated her wrote her case up in medical journals. All in all, it was a pretty grim situation.

I visited her every night with my family. We would spend hours at Loyola, usually in her room, but a lot of times the doctors had to get inside of her, so they asked us to wait elsewhere. The caf was kind of awful, but the waiting room was decent and comfortable enough.

I forget who gave it to me (I want to say my dad's friend, Garth, but I don't recall for sure), but I had a gift card for the local B. Dalton. Remember those? If you don't, they were a chain of bookstores. Not too long after the accident I went into that B. Dalton to cash in the card. They had a bunch of Clive Barker books, and I'd heard a great deal about him and had seen Hellraiser (and possibly Nightbreed, but I can't be certain), so I bought the first three Books of Blood. I would sit in the hospital room and the waiting room and even in the dreaded cafeteria reading those books.

So my earliest memories of Barker's fiction will always be entangled with my mom's coma. See? Toldja I'd wrap it up in a nice bow.

Happy 70th, Clive Barker! And many more!

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #536: SIX DEGREES OF KEVIN BACON

 

So last week there was a thing going around social media about people trying to play the game Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon using themselves to see how close they can get. It turns out that I'm actually pretty close to him. A lot closer than I would have expected. Dig it:

I, John Bruni, wrote a story called "Family Man" in an anthology called A Hacked-Up Holiday Massacre.

I could use any number of authors in that one, but the easiest and fastest is Joe R. Lansdale. He wrote a Richard Matheson tribute story for He is Legend.

Richard Matheson wrote the book A Stir of Echoes.

That book was turned into this movie starring who? That's right. Kevin motherfucking Bacon.

Pretty neat, eh?

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #535: AT LONG LAST

This is my first night without my regular IOP meeting. I kind of miss it, yeah, and I certainly miss the people who attended with me, but I have to do a lot of stuff I put on hold, more or less, so I could do IOP. I got to meditate gtoday for a full session, which was very nice. I went pretty deep, too. I'm very relaxed as I write this now.

More importantly I got a shit-ton of writing done, and it has been a long time since I did that. It felt very good to feel the words flowing out of me at full force instead of the tiny gasps stolen from a couple of minutes here or there.

I'm actually pretty surprised at how good I feel now even though my world continues to crash around me. I still have to worry about my car, which may or may not be totaled. And there is the looming prospect of homelessness. And a bunch of other stuff that I'd rather not talk about right now.

At long last I had a great deal of time to myself with very few tasks at hand. And it felt really fucking good.