Monday, May 9, 2011

COCK TRIUMPHANT! A review of THE LIBERTINE


The DVD case proclaims, “Passionate, decadent, scandalous,” and it’s true. These three words perfectly define the movie, THE LIBERTINE, and its protagonist, John Wilmot (portrayed deliciously by Johnny Depp).



Set in London during the 17th Century, this film follows the sexual misadventures of Wilmot, the second Earl of Rochester, son to King Charles II (played by John Malkovich, who wears an awful prosthetic nose). Wilmot and his questionable friends make their way through the filthiest bars in town, guzzling booze and fucking the skankiest whores they can find. In one scene, Wilmot rescues a thief from being beaten by the fellow’s employer only to give him money to meet him for employment the following day. Wilmot’s friends give him crap, saying that he just wasted perfectly good money. Why should the thief show up for work? He just got free money. When the thief actually shows up, Wilmot dismisses him because he’s gone legitimate. After the thief convinces him of his worth, Wilmot decides to employ him, but only after the thief takes the money from yesterday to get a whore. “A good whore.” And return after spending his seed.


But since he is an Earl, Wilmot doesn’t just stick to the shadier places in London; he regularly attends the theatre, where he is most happiest. One evening, he sees an actress (played by Samantha Morton) being heckled because she can’t project very well. She storms off stage, ready to quit. Wilmot offers his services to her. Thinking he intends to just have sex with her, she offers her “slit for a pound a night.” Surprisingly, his intentions are pure, and he puts her through the toughest training she has ever known. Unbeknownst to her, he has a bet with one of his friends that he can turn her into the finest actress in town.


He wins, of course, but something about this whole ordeal surprises Wilmot: he falls in love with the actress . . . but she won’t have him. Yes, this turns out to be a romance, but not the kind your girlfriend would enjoy. This is PYGMALION from Hell.

The only thing that seems out of place are the prologue and epilogue, in which Wilmot sits in shadows and tells the viewers about how much they’re going to hate him. It’s brilliantly acted (and funny as hell), but it takes the audience out of the movie. Also, why bother to tell people about how much they’re going to dislike the protagonist? Let them make up their minds. (And as a side note, he’s not that despicable. Granted, one has to be a questionable sort themselves to like the guy, but he’s more than suitable as a subject.)


The sets are wonderful, the language is down and dirty, the costumes are spot on, and the giant dildos are . . . ah yes. The giant dildos. You see, Wilmot is also a playwright, and to embarrass his father, he writes a very scandalous comedy involving huge paper mache cocks.


How could you not want to see this movie?


THE LIBERTINE
Written by Stephen Jeffreys based on his play
Directed by Laurence Dunmore
Starring Johnny Depp, John Malkovich, and Samantha Morton
114 minutes
$5.49 at Amazon
2005

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