Welcome to the first installment of my new opinions column, “Everyone’s Got One.” You know, as in the old phrase about assholes and such. I thought it a fitting title, especially since I’ve been wondering just how I was going to replace FBJ on Fridays. I hope this semi-regular feature will do just that.
What will I talk about? Anything that crosses my mind. For my first act, though, I thought I’d go big or go home. Why not stir shit up?
The other day, a very reactionary know-it-all, everything-is-black-or-white co-worker was asked if President Obama should release photos of arch-villain Osama bin Laden’s corpse to the public. Immediately, he said that the president should do exactly that. However, he said it within earshot of another co-worker, equally reactionary, but on the opposite side of the fence. She responded by saying that she wanted the news to stop showing pictures of Americans celebrating the bin Laden’s death.
My own knee jerked at this, and I thought this last comment was a bit too weak. Why not celebrate the death of a horrible man? All people are not equal, and I’m not talking about human rights, here. Not all viewpoints are valid, and bin Laden had a very ugly perspective. There’s no doubt about it. He was utter scum, and the world is a better place without him. Though America declared war against terrorism, it was really a war against one man: bin Laden. While his death will in no way hinder our military excursions overseas, it’s still an important victory. If Americans wanted to celebrate his death, go for it.
I was about to mention these things, but then another thought occurred to me. Let me get this out of the way right here: I oppose the death penalty. When I was in high school, I was all about murdering murders in the name of retribution, but as strange as it may seem to a lot of people, I’ve mellowed with age. I’ve thought about things a lot more. I’ve become more reasonable. What it comes down to is this: far too many people are executed only to have new evidence uncovered years later proving their innocence. Granted, some of the bastards on death row had it coming, but if we have made a single solitary mistake, we have failed. We have become murderers ourselves. This price is too high for us as a society to pay.
Having said that, the thought that occurred to me before I so rudely interrupted myself was this: WHAT IF OSAMA DIDN’T DO IT? Think back to September 11th. I know it’s not a pleasant thing to do, but for the sake of argument, give it a try. Try to remember what it was like during those days when they took the planes out of the sky.
How much do you remember about the detective work that led to Osama bin Laden? Not much, I’ll bet. Most people were so swept up in swift and immediate revenge that they didn’t consider much. They would have snapped at any piece of evidence, no matter how circumstantial.
And the evidence against Al Qaeda was circumstantial, indeed. But it seemed like we were on the right track. And bin Laden was the leader of this group, so he had to know something, right?
The defining moment for most Americans came when bin Laden took credit for 9/11 himself. That seems like pretty condemning evidence at first, but ask any detective who has worked a serial killing. How many nutbags come forward claiming to have been the killer?
Bin Laden could have been just another nutbag. Why not claim credit? He delivered the biggest blow against America in all of its history. Who, from that part of the world, wouldn’t want mad props like that? It’s the ultimate in street cred.
And that’s it. That’s all we have to go on. Suddenly, bin Laden was the most wanted man in the world . . . all on his own say-so. Outlandish? Maybe. But what if, America, we found out after a while that Osama bin Laden was just the figurehead, that someone far more insidious actually came up with the blueprint for 9/11? What then?
Things aren’t so cut and dry, folks. There are no more cowboys, and some of the bad guys wear white hats.
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| See? White hat. |
That’s a pretty heavy thing to lay on you, and I don’t blame your skepticism. Your kids will be more likely to play devil’s advocate on this one, though. Who knows? Maybe you’ll live long enough to see some of what I’ve just said happen.
Do I believe bin Laden did it? Yeah, I’m pretty sure he did. Even if he didn’t, only a colossal asshole would claim credit for taking down the Twin Towers. Besides, think of all the aid and succor he gave to Al Qaeda, who are definitely our enemies, all of those years. So one way or the other, he got what he deserved. Goodbye and good riddance.
But you should really think about these things before going off half-cocked. How certain are you about the way the world works? Can you really, beyond a shadow of a doubt, know what’s really happening without being an actual witness?
P.S. I wasn’t going to go into this part, but this kind of bothered me about the whole workplace exchange. The second co-worker in question then went on to talk about how America goes on and on about protecting freedoms and democracy and such, and then they rabidly turn on someone and celebrate something as awful as death.
All right, freedom and democracy and all of that crap is a part of the American rhetoric, but I don’t recall any of the Founding Fathers talking about how all life is sacred. Big surprise: it’s not. Some people are more worthy of life than others. For example, I may be biased, but I believe myself to be much worthier of breathing the air on this planet than, say, John Wayne Gacy. I think Stephen King has earned his space on this earth while child molesters rank much farther below him. Albert Einstein has a lot more value to our society than Josef Stalin.
A friend of mine once told me that he judged societies by whether or not it was still permissible to decapitate people in their culture. If the answer is yes, then they are not civilized enough to join the rest of us at the world table.
You know, that sounds like a good rule to me.
P.P.S. Do I think we should see pictures of Osama’s corpse? You bet, but that’s probably because I’m a sick fuck. I’m curious, man! I bought a coffee table book of crime scene photos because I wanted to know what might—just might!—be in store for me someday.
Do I believe it should be mandatory to see these pictures? As in, you’re not patriotic if you don’t get off on these babies? No. I take a pro-choice attitude with my life: if you don’t want to look, you don’t have to.
P.P.P.S. Shit, this is kind of long for a first column. I think I’ll try to keep it much shorter in the future . . . .
I'm not saying I buy into this, but I think it's worth thinking about. Tedd Rall in his 5/10/2011 column re: Osama's "confession":
ReplyDelete"Following the latest explosions in the United States, some Americans are pointing the finger at me, but I deny that because I have not done it," bin Laden said in a statement released on 9/16/01. "The United States has always accused me of these incidents which have been caused by its enemies. Reiterating once again, I say that I have not done it, and the perpetrators have carried this out because of their own interest."
Why should we believe him? Why not? He admitted his responsibility for the East Africa embassy bombings in 1998.
Interestingly, the FBI never mentioned 9/11 on his "wanted" poster.
There was the famous "confession video"--but it was translated into English by the CIA, hardly an objective source. Arabic language experts say the CIA manipulated bin Laden's discussion of what he had watched on TV into an admission of guilt. For example, they changed bin Laden's passive-voice discussion to active: "[the 19 hijackers] were required to go" became, in the CIA version, "we asked each of them to go to America."
"The American translators who listened to the tapes and transcribed them apparently wrote a lot of things in that they wanted to hear but that cannot be heard on the tape no matter how many times you listen to it," said Gernot Rotter, professor of Islamic and Arabic Studies at the Asia-Africa Institute at the University of Hamburg.
Other OBL communiqués appear to take credit for 9/11--but there's a possibility that he was trying to keep himself relevant for his Islamist audience. Anyway, a confession does not prove guilt. Police receive numerous "confessions" for high-profile crimes. They can't just shoot everyone who confesses.
Indeed. As Jim Thompson once said, "Nothing is as it seems."
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you're putting up new shit! But be careful with this opinion column thing, although it may give you the oppurtunity to write some funny and interesting things you may end up alienating people. For instance before I read the piece just from the title I thought you were about to get into truther-bush-did-it-nonsense and was worried I was about to stop liking you (well not stop liking you but would have to start having endless debates about the subject with you, as conspiracy theories are a passion of mine). On the other hand you saying you don't beleve in capital punishement may have just put off any hardcore right-wingers reading this blog.
ReplyDeleteIt's something that I deal with in my comics, part of me wants to just come out and say, "Yeah abortions are fuckin awesome! I'm jealous of those humans who've never had to suffer through existence! Fuck capitalism!" and so forth. But the last thing I would want to do is scare away half of my audience.
All that being said good on you! Fuck me! Write whatever you want because you are a mad god! Give em hell!!!
Indeed. Very few of these columns are going to be about important shit like this. This Friday's, for example, will bore anyone who isn't a writer.
ReplyDelete