I'LL GET THE WHISKEY

[NOTE:  HERE'S ANOTHER SONG FROM THE BAND JESSE RUSSELL AND I KINDA-SORTA STARTED, MEANING IT WENT NOWHERE.  IT'S THE FIRST SONG I WROTE FOR OUR DRINKING SONG DUO, SO IT'S A BIT AWKWARD, BUT I THINK YOU'LL ENJOY IT.]


I went to my job this morn

Hung-over but ready to work
‘tween searching the internet for porn
When the boss-man stopped me, the jerk.


“You’re ten minutes late,” he told me.
“Just like every other day,” he said.
“I’m just as sick as can be,
You’re fired, so get out the lead.”


I packed up my desk and left,
But I had no place to go
With no job I’m bereft
What the hell should I do, Joe?


“The only thing worse than working
Is not working.
I’ll get the whiskey.”


You get the whiskey, you get the beer
I’ll park my ass in the chair right here
A shot and a pint will chase The Fear
And replace the void with endless cheer.


When I went home I found a note
From my lovely girlfriend
She’d taken all her clothes and her coat
And I knew it was the fuckin’ end.


“We had a lot of fun,” she told me.
“I’ll miss what we had,” she said.
“But you’re really headed nowhere, you see
And you weren’t that good in bed.”


That night I tossed and I turned
But the scent of her remains
All night long I prayed and yearned
Joe, help me lose these pains!


“Pussy’s pussy, my friend.
And they’re makin’ more every day.
I’ll get the whiskey.”


You get the whiskey, you get the beer
I’ll park my ass in the chair right here
A shot and a pint will chase The Fear
And replace the void with endless cheer.


The phone rang and awakened me
It was three o’clock in the morning
Who the hell could that possibly be?
I was a minute away from mourning.


“Your father’s gone,” my mother told me.
“He passed away in his sleep,” she said.
“He didn’t feel a thing, he went quietly.
Dear God, I can’t believe he’s dead!”


I couldn’t go back to sleep tonight
I can’t close my eyes again
There’s so much darkness, where’s the light?
Joe, pour a shot. Better make it ten.
“Most folks hate their dad. You got a good one.
Be thankful for the time you had with him.
I’ll get the whiskey.”


You get the whiskey, you get the beer
I’ll park my ass in the chair right here
A shot and a pint will chase The Fear
And replace the void with endless cheer.