HEY FUCKERS #3: MY YEAR-END TOP 10 LIST

Well, it's the end of the year, and as per usual, the internet is clogged with top ten lists. I'm certainly not going to add to the mess, so this isn't actually a top ten list. I guess this is just me fucking around while I'm at work. So . . . let's see here . . . I got it! How about a joke?

How do you circumcise a leper? Shake him! Get it? Eh? *cough*

OK. Um . . . How about a fun fact? Did you know that Elvis Presley's favorite amusement park ride was the bumper cars? Or that Cracker Jack is the number one buyer of popcorn in the world?

I guess you're not a better person for knowing those things, though. This knowledge is pretty useless.

Everyone can benefit from knowing about quantum physics, though. I'm not going to get into it, because I'm just a writer with a high school science education, but here's a pretty good place to learn about stuff like that.

Well, I guess I just wasted your time today with this one. I guess I wasn't thinking. I could wish you a happy new year, but--

OH! Don't you hate it when people say they're going to see you next year when they really mean, in all likelihood, that they'll see you in a few days, but they're only saying that because today is New Year's Eve and the next time they see you will be in the year 2015?

Ah, who gives a fuck? Half of the world complains about those people, and the other half are the actual people who do that. It's the same every year. Someone will say, "I'll see you next year," just as soon as they'll give you another useless top ten list.