GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #175: FARTS: A PHILOSOPHICAL DISCUSSION

I just saw SWISS ARMY MAN recently, and I couldn't help but notice how important flatulence is to the plot. But then I thought about something deeper than that: for that particular film, farts turned out to be someone's job. That's right, someone had to select the farts that were going to be used in the movie. How fucking weird must that job be? You can't just go with any fart, either. Sometimes you need a squeaker. Sometimes a growler. Sometimes you need something that's going to be loud enough to vibrate the chest of a viewer. The filmmakers needed a fart expert to do this.


And then I remembered something else. When I was a kid I was lucky enough to score a copy of GAUNTLET's Stephen King tribute issue. Among my findings in that selection was a piece King wrote about filming MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE. He talked about the one bathroom scene which was kind of heavy on farts. He described listening to a bunch of fart recordings because he wanted to get the exact fart that would be perfect for that scene.


How fucking cool is that? Are there people in Hollywood who consider themselves fart wranglers? If so, that's the job I want. I'll write stories for my ideal job, but I want to earn my bread and butter finding the farts that movie directors need for their work. The Academy needs to start awarding movies for Best Fart.


Let's face it: farts are overlooked when it comes to Oscar season. Not enough creators take farts into consideration when they're doing their thing. Lest ye forget, most of "fart" is "art."


I think I need to create a Kickstarter for this. Or maybe a change.org petition. WHO'S WITH ME?!