Wednesday, February 14, 2018


To be read to the tune of this.

It is Valentine's Day, and like many holidays, Hallmark has completely ignored a group of people. It's funny because they try to be all inclusive. But in one aspect, they have failed.

2.3 million Americans are in prison. As much as most people would think, they are evil and obviously have no loved ones, yes?

No. I'd venture to guess that most of us not incarcerated know someone in prison. I certainly do. It's really hard to find Valentine's cards to send to loved ones behind bars. A lot of prisons don't allow anything aside from postcard correspondence. But some are more forgiving.

But you can't send anything with glitter. Nothing with metal in it, like those pop up cards. Nothing with recordings, like almost every fucking Valentine at the store. It takes a lot of effort to find a Valentine that you can send to loved ones incarcerated. I found the most generic card ever for my longtime friend. But it took a long time.

Hallmark needs to make cards that are prison friendly. I think there is a giant market for this kind of thing. Fucking hell, guys. Step up. You are failing 2.3M Americans. Do you know how much money you can make from them?!


  1. Yes, I'm totally with you, but I'd take it as a test of creativity. I don't know how much is a Valentine card - maybe you could pay a good romantic dinner -, but I'd try papercrafting, with only a pen and a foil. Low costs, low troubles. Also, in the end, it's only the right words of love that matters, isn't it?

    1. That's a good point. Except for the foil part. They don't let foil in to prisoners.