I realize that I'm going to come off as an asshole for this one, but I'm OK with that. I don't know what it is about fast food places, but when they fuck up something, they just give you more stuff. I don't need more stuff. 9 out of 10 times you'll give me something I don't even eat. Like Taco Bell with the cinnamon twists.
"Sorry for the wait. I gave you some fries for the inconvenience."
I don't want the fries. I can't eat fries all that often because they get stuck going down my esophagus, and once they're down they make me feel like I ate a hot air balloon. I only eat fries when I'm at the Country House or I've gotten some from Portillos because of the survey coupon. At no other time do I eat them.
"Sorry about that. I upgraded you to a large drink."
This always happens on lunch break at work because I never order a small at any other time. I'm ordering a small because I have to get back to work and brush my teeth before I punch in. I don't want the large. The large is going to get poured down a fucking sewer. Thanks for your concern.
Instead of giving me additional or bigger things, just comp me the meal. It's not taking a big chunk from your bottom line. I never order more than fifteen bucks anyway, and it's more likely that I spent eight bucks. And it will never be more than twenty. I don't go in places anymore, and I believe it is a crime against humanity to order anything more than $19.99's worth of food when you're at the drive through.
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