Wednesday, November 6, 2024

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #943: GOOD LUCK

 



So much for Kamala Harris. And now we're stuck with President Clown for four years. Except clowns aren't usually responsible for crimes against humanity. I mean, it happens, but not normally.


Time to move on. Don't worry. The United States won't end until the oligarchs have sucked every last penny out of us, no matter who is president. We still have time.


First, shall we dispense with the illusion that voting is our only tool? It's a tool, all right, but not ours. It belongs to the oligarchs to ensure they stay in power. Do you doubt me? Have you ever wondered why the Electoral College exists in a so-called democracy? Nothing will work in this country until we recognize the truth of this. Am I full of shit? Possibly. But you need to ask yourself if you're happy. Answer honestly. And think about it. Don't knee-jerk off. If you're anything like me, you are never happy. I'm sure I was once upon a time, but it was probably so long ago that I've forgotten what it's like. Happiness, by the way, isn't merely being in a good mood. Happiness is satisfaction. Contentment.


Are you satisfied with the way the government runs your life? And make no mistake, it does. For more evidence of this, pick any Goodnight, Fuckers article at random, and you'll probably find it. Fuck it, I'm just going to say it. The US government is my beat, and I'm a relentless muckracker. But to get back to the question, I'd imagine you're not. That's why Trump won. So many people were angry and dissatisfied over their government that they elected a butt-fucker of epic proportions, thinking he would make them happy, never realizing that he doesn't give a shit about them. Never has, never will. The only thing the Trumpster is concerned with is his own well-being. He doesn't give a fuck about his own family. Look at Don Jr. and Eric. They're so desperate for his approval they'd stump at a Wendy's in Carbondale for him. My only solace is that they will both die without said approval from daddy. There is, however, one group of people that are tickled pink: the oligarchs.


Look on the bright side. At least we averted a civil war.


So what's next? #1 with a bullet (grazing the presidential ear?) is on Biden. He should do what he should have done a long time ago. He must issue an Executive Order regarding Roe v Wade. That will at least temporarily restore the right to abortion. The reason he didn't do this earlier was because he was running for reelection. He wouldn't be able to reach the right if he did that. Now he has no reason *not* to do this. Unless, of course, he's been in bed with Donald Trump this whole time. It wouldn't surprise me. They were both bought and paid for by the oligarchs, so they're brothers (or maybe half-brothers? stepbrothers?) in fucking the People over.


This Executive Order would buy us time to do what many states have done: add the right to abortion to the Constitution. I'm sure the amendment would not pass the House, but it has to be tried. Either that or we can piss directly into the face of every woman in the country. The United States usually goes with the latter, but we have to try.


The next step is, mmm, morally questionable, so I won't mention it here. I don't necessarily like it, but it might be the only option.


Then Biden has to make Trump's job as difficult as possible. Start planning roadblocks for him now. Maybe play a few pranks on him, too. Super Glue a quarter to the bottom of the Oval Office desk drawer. That should keep him busy for the next four years.


There is one drastic thing we could do, but we'd have to trick Congress into biting the hand that feeds, and how likely is that? The biggest reason to have a seat in the legislature is because of the opportunities to commit eye-watering amounts of graft. There is literally no other reason to have the job.


(What about making a difference? you ask. What about it? Perhaps you're confusing us with, say, Europe. The US is in business, not legislation. If we can't make a buck off it, it's useless.)


There's not much else to say. It was nice knowing the Ukraine. I feel certain that Trump honestly doesn't care about the Middle East. Someone will probably have to convince him to do something, that thing being honoring the Israel treaty. Considering the current situation there, I don't think we'll see an end to the violence any time soon. Besides, there's money to be made in slaughtering Palestinians. It's all in good fun. The Bible says we should kill them, and who are we to doubt the Bible?


Will the trains run on time? Everyone seems to agree that Trump's Day One Mass Deportation (TM) is impossible because of all the resources needed to enact it. This assumes, naturally, that he plans to let those immigrants live. I doubt he'd do anything, though. Where would the US be without the near slave labor of foreigners? Americans require minimum wage at the very least, and we know how our corporate overlords balk at that. So no. To save the economy there will be no deportation, mass or otherwise. As such, the trains, not needing to go to concentration camps, will not run on time.


Putin? Putin is happy as a clam. And I do mean that he's satisfied. Content. I wonder how our corporate overlords will deal with him. He doesn't play well with others, and I don't think they'll like taking orders from him even by proxy (ie. the Trumpster).


Take a deep breath.


Let it out.


Scream if you need to. Repeat if necessary.


Hold on tight. It's going to be rough.


I just wanted to tell you both good luck. We're all counting on you.

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