[Heh. Outlaw Vern likes to call individual Star Wars movies as a Star War, and as a collective he calls them Star Warses. I like that, so I've adopted that policy.]
I'm not one to agree with everyone, but in a few instances they are right. Case in point: The Empire Strikes Back is the best of all the Star Warses. A friend of mine teaches guitar, and one of his students (I think) thinks this film is not just the best of them but is also a perfect movie. I don't like the term "perfect movie." None of them are perfect. But this kid's pretty adamant to the point where every objection my friend came up with was shot down. So he asked me if I thought of anything that could disprove the kid's theory, I should tell him. That was months ago, and the only thing I could think of was Darth Vader constantly calling Luke "Skywalker." Imagine if I had a son and called him Bruni all the time. It wouldn't make sense, right? An argument could be made that he doesn't want anyone to know his real identity, but I call bullshit on that. The Emperor, of all people, knows Vader is Anakin Skywalker, and when the two of them are talking, Vader keeps referring to Luke as Skywalker. He doesn't need to hide anything from Palpatine. Why are they talking about Luke like this?
Well, I recently got Disney+ so I could take a month and burn through all the Star Wars and Marvel stuff and then cancel before I have to pay for another month. I succeeded at this (except for The Book of Boba Fett, so I'll probably have to pay for that extra month while the rest of the show plays out), but yesterday, while trying to get up the nerve to go outside and brush my car off, I decided, fuck it. I haven't seen Empire in a while. And I'll pay extra attention to any flaws that might come up. I considered it an interesting intellectual exercise, so you all might be curious to see how things went. This is what I found:
-When the wampa captures Luke on Hoth, how the fuck did it get him to hang upside down? Did it melt his boots into the snow? How? And why doesn't Luke just slip out of his boots to escape?
-Why does Obi-Wan pick that moment to contact Luke? He could have told him about Yoda anytime. Why wait until Luke felt like shit and was on the brink of passing out?
--Why did Han's tauntaun die of cold exposure? Hoth is its home. It should be used to the weather.
--This one irritates me the most. According to the crawl, Luke is in charge of the rebellion on Hoth, but there isn't a single indication of his leadership there. He strikes me as just another freedom fighter who has a few extra tricks up his sleeve. Who should have been listed as the leader in the crawl? Leia, because she's clearly the one in charge. I suspect I know why they did it that way, and you probably have the same suspicion.
--When the Falcon is being pursued by the Empire and can't go to hyperdrive, both Han and Chewy leave the cockpit for repairs. That doesn't fucking make sense, for one, but for another, how did the TIE fighters not kill them in that moment? Is Leia (or Threepio for that matter) an expert pilot? Granted, everyone in the Star Warses is apparently a pilot, so maybe she is, too. Maybe I'm wrong about this one.
--If Lord Vader needs an update on the Falcon from the admiral, maybe he's not as strong with the Force as he thinks he is.
Your thoughts? Objections? Suggestions?
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