So Chuck Norris and I go waaaaay back. In fact he was present the night I was born. My mom had just pushed me out, but Chuck Norris wanted the honor of holding me first, so the doctor passed me into his arms. He brushed placenta out of my already full head of hair. "It's good to meet you, John Paul Bruni. I've been waiting for this moment to arrive. It's time for me to pass on the torch. You are now the greatest man to ever live. When you do push ups, the earth will just move up and down. You will be able to divide by zero. When the boogeyman goes to sleep at night, he'll check the close for you."
Little baby me looked him in the eyes. "I cannot accept this honor," I told him. "I have to earn it."
Chuck Norris smiled and nodded. "I respect the hell out of that. You will be even stronger than me, John Paul Bruni. May I call you sir?"
A serene feeling came over me. "Yes, Chuck Norris, you may."
So why have I told you this obviously phony story? Well, I told a joke recently that Chuck Norris will do what Meat Loaf wouldn't do for love. It's usually pretty obvious when I'm joking, but some jokes call for deadpan delivery, and this was one of them. When I do that, people around me take me seriously to the point where they ask me to explain myself. I don't know why people do that, but they do.
This person said, "How do you know that?"
So I crafted this story on the spot in the same deadpan I used when telling the joke. None of it fazed him. He waited patiently for me to finish, and then he said, "I don't believe you."
I almost sighed myself to death.
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