Monday, December 10, 2012

NOT A GOOD IDEA: A review of California MoonShine

Every once in a while, someone thinks it’s a good idea to make legal moonshine. Anyone else remember Georgia Moon? At least that company thought to bottle their product in mason jars.

Behold! Now we have California MoonShine! And one look at this bottle will make any true moonshine aficionado shake their heads with disgust. First of all, it’s shaped like a wine bottle. Secondly, the cork is a rubber piece of shit (even though it’s fairly effective). There is even a picture of a flower on the label. Who is this shit made for? Pretentious bastards? And who the hell makes moonshine in California? Please, leave it up to the professionals in the American south. Even the slogan, “Made right on the left coast,” just screams DOUCHEBAG! The biggest offense? It’s a mere 100 proof. The greatest genuine moonshine usually went up to 190 proof. Granted, that might be too much for the booze market, who usually keeps their products at a reasonable 80 proof, but don’t forget, there are some that go up to 151. Why not have the balls to at least match that?

As always, the true test does not come from any marketing scheme or bottle label. One whiff of this vile poison informs you that if you go forward with your plans to drink this, you will probably make a lot of bad decisions. And the taste . . . wow. While it may not live up to any other expectations, at least the fucker tastes like the real thing. While to the seasoned moonshine drinker, it might be a bit gentler on the palate, to the rest of us, it’s a beast. Not only that, but you feel the effects pretty quickly. Two sips should get you buzzed pretty well, if you can stomach the taste enough to try for a second sip.

So, all in all, not bad for a moonshine distilled in California. While it goes about its business from a completely irrational direction, it at least does a great job of doing what it’s supposed to do: get you fucked up, good and proper.

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