Tuesday, November 28, 2017

THE JOHN BRUNI MUSEUM OF MEDIOCRE (AT BEST) SHIT #29: REVIEW OF HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE





[This was my introduction to the world of Harry Potter. Back then, this was barely on my radar. This was back in the days when religious parents were afraid of the evil, devil-worshipping JK Rowling and her sway over their kids’ minds. I had a reputation for liking weird shit back then. (Heh. Still do.) The editor figured who better to review this book than the fucked up weirdo who might actually be a devil worshipper? And hey! I got the purchase expensed! I didn’t expect much, so this book blew me the fuck away. I hurriedly grabbed the other three books and waited with the rest of the world for the next book. This was in the Elmhurst College Leader, August 18, 2000.]


Every once in a while, a children’s book comes along that appeals to adults, too. For the past few years, JK Rowling has made a living writing books that keep adults and children alike turning pages in anticipation. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (732 pages, Levin Books, $25.95), the fourth in a seven-part series, has been released and has generated so much attention and popularity that bookstores had droves of people showing up to get their hands on the latest exploits of the teenage wizard-in-training, Harry Potter.


This book reads at times like a modern day fairy tale, and at other times like a fairy tale in the darkest traditions of the Brothers Grimm. There’s enough cutsey things for kids to get excited about, like the house-elf Dobby’s odd joy at receiving the gift of socks and Winky’s tendency towards the melodramatic. There’s also Harry’s amusingly fat cousin, Dudley, who ends up growing a huge tongue as a result of eating George and Fred Weasley’s Ton-Tongue Toffey. And, of course, it’s extremely funny to see Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, two wizards, attempt performing Muggle (non-wizard) activities, like sending mail (Mrs. Weasley, not quite sure how much postage to use, covers the envelope in stamps just to be sure) and putting up a tent.


However, there is also a handful of dark, even gruesome, scenes. The book starts out with a scene very reminiscent of HP Lovecraft’s stories (if Lovecraft didn’t have such a powerful understanding of the English language, that is). An old man thought to have been a murderer investigates the house he’s supposed to watch over when someone breaks in, which brings him into a lunatic world with a sentient snake (Nagini), a wishy-washy servant (the aptly named Wormtail), and a thing in a dark chair that calls itself Lord Voldemort, whose oozing, cold voice is reminiscent of Vincent Price’s. When the poor old man finally sees Voldemort (also aptly named), all he can do is scream before he dies.


Unfortunately, such a rich character as Voldemort doesn’t appear again for a long time, but when he does, there’s another vicious scene in which Wormtail, quivering with fear and revulsion for what he must do, is actually forced to cut off his own hand in order to give his master a body.


In fact, there’s a cast of disturbing characters, from the dementors (guards of the wizard prison, Azkaban, who can suck a wizard’s soul out, a fate worse than death) to the enigmatic Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Mad-Eye Moody, with his heavily scarred face, half-nose, wooden leg, and rolling magical eye, complete with a lunatic paranoia and a dark secret . . .


There are plenty of things to keep children entertained, from the Quidditch World Cup to the Tri-Wizard Tournament, and the adults will also find themselves grinning with glee through Harry Potter’s most recent adventures. In fact, the only thing that would get in the way of adult readers is the loose, simple writing. Then again, they don’t call it a children’s book for nothing. Adults, don’t be afraid to buy this book, hoping the excuse that “my kid’s been looking for this book” will work. Number one, you’re not alone, and number two, it’s worth it.

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