PSA: MY GOOD DEED FOR THE DAY

 If you are not like me, meaning a small press author facing bankruptcy, then this post will hold zero interest for you. Feel free to skip this one. However, if you are indeed like me, this is going to be essential reading.

I've had a horrible run of shit luck for the past, I don't know, decade. It keeps getting worse and worse until this year finally broke me. I went crazy several times, and I made a slew of horrible and uncharacteristically bad decisions. Some of them were pretty public. Others I kind of kept to myself, more because it might hurt someone else instead of me. If it hurts just me, I put it out there. It's my self-therapy.

One of the worst things ever happened to me in January this year: for the first time since I was 18, I found myself without a job. Having worked so long in technology companies, I decided to look for a similar job. The problem is, I'm 42, and no tech company wants a middle-aged guy working for them. Heed this warning, youngsters: when working square jobs, your expiration date is your 40th birthday. I've been trying to get a new job for a long time, and all I got were warehouse job offers. I am not just middle-aged, I am also disabled. I get around with a cane most times. I explicitly state in my resume that I can't stand for 8 minutes, much less 8 hours. But HR always skips that part because they see I can operate a forklift. (Which I can, but I never got my license. So yeah, if you need me to illegally operate your forklift, count me in. Pay me under the table if need be. Taxman don't need to know shit.)

Needless to say, my money ran out. I lived on the kindness of friends and family. I am ever so grateful for those who lent me money in this difficult time. This disaster led me to do the thing I swore I'd never do: I cashed in my 401(k). I was able to pay back everyone, and I had some money to throw around for a bit. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten into drugs and sex workers quite so much, but it's been a tough fucking year. Give me a break, all right? But I still have a good sum of money pigeonholed as a last line of defense as well as a decent chunk of savings.

Unfortunately I also had a stack of bills thick enough to gag an elephant on. I decided to file for bankruptcy. I just got around to putting in an appearance with my lawyers today. I have no real estate. No assets of any worth. I don't even own the bed I sleep in at night. The only thing I had that I feared my creditors might take away is my car, a 2012 Honda Civic (bought when it was still the year 2011). Yet at the same time, there is so much damage to that car, and I rode that thing into the ground over the course of almost a decade. I figured if they had one look at it, they would just forget the whole thing.

IF YOU GOT LOST IN THE EXPOSITION, THIS PART IS THE PART YOU REALLY, REALLY NEED TO PAY ATTENTION TO IF YOU ARE A SMALL PRESS AUTHOR FACING BANKRUPTCY.

The attorney asked me if there were any other assets, or if I had copyrights on anything that would get me royalties. I said that I was an author of several books, but I wasn't making much money at it. Who among us really does? But I felt it necessary to mention that because when people hear you're an author, they think you make Stephen King money.

She asked me how much my royalties are, so I told her. She thought about it for a moment, and then she said, "Yeah, I don't think they would be interested in those books as assets."

Wait a minute. Losing the rights to my books was on the table in the first place?! Well, yes. And yes, I am focusing on the brighter side of her statement to me, and not the negative connotation that I'm kind of a loser. Hm. Maybe I should make this out in big caps for those who are skimming.

IF YOU ARE A SMALL PRESS AUTHOR FACING BANKRUPTCY, IT IS A VERY REAL POSSIBILITY THAT YOUR CREDITORS WILL WANT TO TAKE THE RIGHTS TO YOUR BOOKS AWAY FROM YOU.

Granted, it probably won't happen. But if you make better royalties than me? I'd step very fucking lightly, my friend.

Here's another thought, though. If my creditors really did want to take my books away from me, what the fuck would they do with them? There is a small perverse side of me that kind of wants to see what the holy shitstain fuck they would do with a title like Poor Bastards and Rich Fucks. Or how about Tales of Questionable Taste? You know, the one with the space giant fucking the sun on the cover? If only Dong of Frankenstein was still in print!

Well, I'm pretty sure I'll walk out of this with my books still belonging to me. But I never even imagined that the possibility of me losing them was even a part of bankruptcy. Armed with this knowledge, I am doing my good deed for the day. I know a lot of you who read my posts are fellow authors, and I know some of you are probably doing better than me financially. May these words of wisdom find you well.