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| That's a lot . . . that's a lot of blood. |
A few weeks back I got pissed off when, as I was cleaning the shower walls, a group of tiles fell off, and one of them broke in two. It took me a while to stop by Ace Hardware, but when I did I came home with rubber cement. It had worked before on two other tiles that had fallen off a year or so ago. I got pissed off again when, after I tried cementing one of them back in place, it fell off immediately and took another tile with it.
Fuck. I remembered seeing commercials for Gorilla Glue, and while I know commercials are 99.9% fake, it seemed like a compelling argument to buy their shit. What they don't tell you in the commercials, and I found out in the middle of the process, was that in order to get that strong bond you had to hold the two things you're gluing together tight . . . for two fucking hours. I didn't have time for this shit. I had things to do. So I glued some of the tiles in place, and then I got to the one that was broken in two. I squeezed out some glue and held it in place. It seemed to stick pretty well, so I put it down to let it dry.
And it promptly fell apart.
Irritated, I put them back together and gave it some pressure. Too much pressure, apparently, because my hand slipped, and the tile rode up the ring finger of my left hand. It hurt like hell, but it took me a moment to realize that I might have hurt myself more than expected.
Yep. A flap of knuckle stuck up. A thick flap, I might add. The tile didn't go down to the bone, but it was close. And the fucker just wouldn't stop bleeding. A lot.
I tried to rationalize a way that I didn't have to go to the ER. I washed the wound. I put some antibacterial cream in there and pressed the flap down. I bandaged it with a knuckle Band-Aid. And I hoped for the best.
Naturally, I got the worst. Blood soaked through the bandage, and I knew there was no avoiding it. I had to go to the hospital.
Thankfully when I got there they told me it wasn't too bad, and it wouldn't need stitches. They needed to glue it shut and put my finger in a splint. As the nurse applied the glue, holding the flap of skin down, she said, "This is like Gorilla Glue. For the body."
Oh fuck, I thought. This can't end well.
At least I got a tetanus shot out of it.
It turned out all right except for my ability to use my left hand, which I'll probably talk more about tomorrow. The worst part was not being able to type, which is what I do every day at my square job. And every night at my writing job, including writing these GF columns. Hence my disappearance here for a bit.
I eventually glued the rest of those tiles back in place, but they needed assistance. I'm a lousy handyman, so it doesn't look pretty, but they haven't fallen out yet. Because do you know what commercial is actually very truthful? Flex Tape. That shit works like a motherfucker. It's the only thing holding my shower together right now . . .
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| Probably my favorite of the Flex Tape memes. |
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| Except for maybe this one. |
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