Tonight's topic reminds me of a classic joke. Have I ever told you about the worst blowjob I ever got? It was still pretty good.
Everyone is of the opinion that there is no such thing as bad pizza. I beg to differ. Papa John's is pretty bad. I like their cheesy bread with their garlic sauce. That's good. But their pizza? It's kinda gross. But it doesn't hold a candle to the horror that is 7-Eleven pizza. Holy fuck. It looks like pizza, but that's about it. I have long held the belief that 7-Eleven pizza is probably what Judas, Brutus and Cassius are forced to eat in Satan's mouths.
Well, I got desperate lately. I didn't have much money, and I really didn't want to go to the grocery store. But I wanted a frozen pizza. I gave in and got one from 7-Eleven, telling myself I was making a terrible mistake the whole time. When I cooked it, though, it turned out to be pretty good. Surprisingly good. If I'm eating pizza, I'm shoving everything except one or two slices into my mouth. I ate the whole fucking thing.
So yeah. If you get the frozen pizza and make it yourself? That's a good meal. But don't even think about getting it from the glass display in the store. Who knows how long that's been sitting there? A day? And when was the last time the inside of that display has been cleaned? What the fuck could possibly be festering in there? I swear, it's like biting into a piece of slate with dry flakes of pizza sauce on it.
Don't get me wrong. I probably won't buy it again. If I'm doing a frozen pizza, I'm sticking with Tombstone. Or if it's deep dish, Gino's East has a good frozen pizza. Or I'll just make my own pizza from scratch. I'm good at that.
Except that means going into the grocery store and dealing with people, so . . .
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