COOL SHIT (and SHIT SHIT) 7-25-13

JUDGE DREDD #9:  The world of Dredd is pretty crazy sometimes, but this is the craziest to come from the new IDW series.  Dredd wanders out into the Cursed Earth, looking for a hovercraft that “could save Mega-City One.”  Instead, he finds a family of mutie hillbillies running an amusement park with some of the most ghastly rides ever.  My favorite is the Kamikaze Matterhorn.  One of these guys has the ability to touch someone and make them apathetic, which is what he does to Dredd, and now Dredd has to face off against all these freaks and even worse, the Mirrored Madhouse.  (And no, it’s not what you think it is.  It’s far more insidious.)

FERALS #16:  This time out, we take a break from Dale Chesnutt to explore the life of Major General Richard W. Arthur.  It’s a fascinating look at someone who was born Feral, but he never knew it.  Even now, he seems to be in denial.  Even after he finds himself in a life and death battle with another Feral.  And to top it all off, he’s kind of an important guy in the government . . . .

CROSSED:  BADLANDS #33:  It’s good to see David Lapham back on the series.  I wasn’t too impressed with Christos Gage’s story.  Now, we return to Amanda, Lorre’s old victim/survivor.  She’s still living in her fantasy world with her two companions, but now that’s about to be fucked.  It would seem that a group of religious Crossed have moved in on her territory . . . .  I miss Raulo Caceres on this book, though.  Miguel Ruiz isn’t bad, but Caceres is a fucking genius.

RED TEAM #4:  Whoops.  It seems that for all the planning that the Red Team goes through, they dropped the ball on this one.  Thinking to take out a Bernie Madoff type (except this guy was found not guilty), they off him without thinking that maybe the reason the guy got off in court was because he’d made a deal with the prosecution to turn weasel on his friends.  Now all of those guys are going to walk free.  Like I said, whoops.  This leads to a few changes in policy, but it’s not enough to keep certain members of the team for losing it in a questionable bar bathroom with a date rapist . . . .

And now for some SHIT SHIT!  That’s right, 3 books really disgusted me this week.  Let’s start with . . . .

JUSTICE LEAGUE DARK #22:  Ah yes.  Behold that cover.  Then take a look around inside to see that our boy John Constantine is hanging out with the big superheroes this issue.  Sure, he had a run in with Flash lately, but now he’s rubbing elbows with the likes of Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman.  And yes, he’s a bit snarky, but for the most part, he doesn’t give them any crap.  Since when does Constantine not give the capes a hard time?!  Oh right.  I’m sorry, I keep thinking this is MY Constantine, not the pisswarm version in the New 52.  This leads us directly to . . . .

CONSTANTINE #5:  JLD continues right into this issue with Constantine hanging out with Shazam.  Why would he do that?  Well, remember when I said, back when DC brought John Constantine back to the DCU, that they were going to turn him into a superhero?  I was speaking metaphorically.  I guess I was wrong.  In this issue, they turn him—quite literally—into a superhero.  I can’t believe it, either, but look at that picture above.  Do you think I made that up?  I can’t tell you how much this disgusts me.  And then there’s this happy horseshit:

ALL STAR WESTERN #22:  Yep, this asshole is Dr. Arkham’s great-great-grandson.  As much as I despised the idea of bringing Hex to his future—our present—at the very least, it got him away from having a sidekick.  That was worth a lot to me.  And now, even that is undone.  Yeah, this new Dr. Arkham is Hex’s new sidekick.  Oh, and by the way, it looks like they’ve given up on finding a backup story for each issue, but instead of taking pages out and letting us keep an extra dollar, they thought this story was so good that we needed more of it.  Fuck.  (One more thing:  it’s hinted that Hex will be hanging out with Batman in the next issue.  After what’s been going on with Constantine, that shouldn’t surprise me one bit.)

COOL SHIT 2-9-12

FERALS #2: David Lapham runs rampant once again with his new werewolf book for Avatar. As with last issue, there isn’t really anything remarkable about it, except for a stunning amount of gore. To be expected from a guy whose credits include CROSSED and CALIGULA. The only new development is that our protagonist, Walnutt, is apparently the suspect of the gruesome mutilations, as his semen was found in two of the victims (not surprising, since he’d fucked them both in the recent past), and due to the werewolf attack at the conclusion of last issue, he, too, is one of the Garou. Since he’s sworn to destroy the original monster, it’s pretty obvious where this is going. Considering Lapham’s ruthlessness, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

DICKS #1: YES! YES! YES! DICKS is back! Well, kind of. Avatar is reprinting all of the previous issues before they get to new DICKS about a year or so down the line. In fact, this is the second time they’ve reprinted this issue, except this time it’s in COLOR. Somehow, this makes it even more obscene than usual. And the best part: they reprinted the extras from BIGGER DICKS #1! (In case you don’t know, DICKS was originally put out by Caliber. Avatar bought the rights and reprinted all four issues with extra stuff, hence the title, BIGGER DICKS.) Trio the Fucking Whore is back, as well as Mick O’Lobb and Buddy Wizer, to say nothing of the Wanker’s History of Wanking. Seriously, if you’ve never heard of DICKS, this is your chance to get in on the ground floor. (Well, technically it’s not the ground-ground floor. That would be TROUBLED SOULS and FOR A FEW TROUBLES MORE, the books that got Garth Ennis and John McCrea started. Dougie and Ivor were minor characters in the former, and the latter was pretty much a cleaner version of the first DICKS storyline. But you’ll never find those books, and they’ll probably never be reprinted. Besides, you don’t need to have read them to enjoy this.) Do not hesitate. Get down to your local comic book store and get a copy. Get the offensive cover before they’re all gone. You’ll suck my dick to thank me later.