COOL SHIT 4-17-14

AMERICAN VAMPIRE: SECOND CYCLE #2: Wow. Back for two issues, and already things have just gone off the fucking rails. First of all, it’s great to see Cal again. But under the circumstances? I’m sure all things considered, he’d rather be in Philadelphia. And now that we’ve met the Gray Trader, things are probably going to get even more fucked up, especially if he’s really what Cal says he is. I’m so glad this book is finally back.

THE TRANSFORMERS: WINDBLADE #1: Ever since the animated movie, people have been baffled by Arcee’s existence. How could there only be one female Transformer? What are they, fucking Smurfs? Well, IDW has decided to address the issue by bringing in more women characters. As previously seen, they were taking care of the dying Metroplex up until now. Now, they’re on Cybertron and they’re trying to help Starscream get things up and running. Windblade is the only point of communication they have with Metroplex, since she’s the only one who can speak his language. It’s interesting to see this concept in action, but what really made me crack up was when Rattrap voiced it in a very awkward moment: “So . . . uh. What’s the—uh—whole you both being called ‘she’ thing about?” I could be mistaken, but I think Mairghread Scott is the first woman writer to ever tackle this title. Too bad they’re only giving her a mini-series.

ROVER RED CHARLIE #5: Only Garth Ennis could take a story about animals and make it as obscene as possible. I love the way these dogs think. “I’m a dog!” is how their frantic barks are translated. Oceans are big splashes. Humans are feeders. Those who haven’t had their balls cut greet each other by fucking. Take this POV and put it into a zombie apocalypse, and you have this book. In a previous issue, artist Michael DiPascale portrayed a human licking shit out of a dog’s asshole. Somehow, in this issue, Ennis and DiPascale outdo that scene with the short bus. I’ll let you read about that all on your own, though. It’s that good. I hate stories about animals, but I’m going to miss this one when it concludes next month.

STRAY BULLETS: KILLERS #2: It’s good to see Eli all grown up, and it would seem that he lost his foot in that car accident. He lost his father in it, too. But it looks like he’s gained a few interesting stories, and he might be getting laid pretty soon. But this isn’t his story. This is about a troubled young woman named Virginia, and her relationship with her aunt and uncle. David Lapham does two kinds of stories really good: tits and violence stories and depressing stories. This one is the latter, and the ending is just a heartbreaker.

COOL SHIT 3-20-14

AMERICAN VAMPIRE: SECOND CYCLE #1: Welcome back to AMERICAN VAMPIRE, one of the very few vampire books on the market worth reading. It practically killed me when it went on hiatus. Now, it’s back, and it’s a beast with a different nature. Fast forward to the ‘Sixties, and Pearl is running kind of an underground railroad for wayward vampires. Even better, Skinner Sweet has taken an interesting direction: back to where he started. When we met him, he was a bank robber and murderer. Now he’s gone back to his thieving ways, except these days, he does it as a biker. Just look at that ponytail and sleeveless vest! But the coolest part is his hideout, a place he and his gang set up back in the Old West. It’s a buried freight car in the middle of nowhere, littered with junk, a Confederate flag and the bones of some forgotten woman. And then there’s the new villain, who seems to be a very ancient vampire . . .

JUPITER’S LEGACY #4: In this issue, we now learn a bit more about how the superheroes got their powers in the first place. More interestingly, however, is how they’ve been doing now that they have taken over America. Nobody seems to think they’re doing a great job. Big surprise. The bigger surprise: in Australia, there’s a mysterious kid with superpowers who is saving people’s lives. During his regular life, he’s doing his best to keep a low profile by pretending to be a klutz and letting the local kids beat his ass every once in a while. Still, it’s not enough to escape everyone’s attention. This has been a heartbreaker of a book so far, and I can only assume that there’s more tragedy ahead of us.

THE TRANSFORMERS: REGENERATION ONE #100: This book has a special place in my heart. When I was a kid, it was my favorite comic book. When it was canceled, it broke me so badly that I gave up reading comic books. I didn’t touch another comic until a friend of mine put the trade of EVIL ERNIE: YOUTH GONE WILD in my hands when I was in high school. When IDW announced that it was bringing Simon Furman and Andrew Wildman back to reprise the book, I was absolutely giddy. A part of me was afraid that it wouldn’t be as good as it was back in the old days, but I was just happy to have this piece of my childhood restored to me.

Well, it wasn’t as great as I hoped it would be. It was all right. It had a strong start and kind of petered out after a while. But I kept buying it, not just because I’m a habit-buyer, but also because of that special place in my heart. Well, they brought the book to a close yesterday, and I have to say, it ended in a fucking spectacular way, something I just did not expect. (Here’s my usual reminder that Cool Shit contains spoilers. If you don’t want to know how it ends, stop reading now.)

I’m sure a lot of people—myself included—thought that they’ll just end it and bring it back whenever the franchise needs a boost in sales. Uh . . . wrong. They’re fucking serious with this ending.

How do I put this delicately? Well, there is no way. Fuck it. EVERYONE DIES. There you go. Autobots and Decepticons alike. Everyone. The title of this final arc is “The War to End All Wars,” and Furman isn’t lying. Just a handful of Transformers survive when the thing that used to be Primus reshapes Cybertron, turning everyone else into Dark Matrix creatures capable of killing a ‘bot merely by touching him.

Not to mention the fact that the Dark Matrix has Optimus Prime in its thrall, and it has brought three different versions of him to fight Rodimus to the death. (Here’s another cool thing about this book: the multiverse. Whenever someone makes a movie out of a book or does a remake of a classic, I like to think that both versions happened, but they just happened in alternate universes, which is how I reconcile the differences and the things that piss me off. The same holds true for the Transformers books. Gen 1 takes place in another universe from the regular IDW books. Well, it turns out that Furman has decided that this is true. Just wait until the multiple Rodimus Primes show up, including the one from the Lost Light.)

Ultra Magnus and Galvatron have their final battle, and sure enough, one stands and one falls. Falls hard and permanently.

Rodimus realizes that the only way to save the universe is to kill Optimus Prime . . . AND HE DOES!

The Autobots and Decepticons give up war. They join forces with humans for a greater civilization. Even Starscream becomes an ambassador of peace throughout the galaxy. And in one final, beautiful moment of death, Rodimus Prime, the final Transformer, melts into the sun and gives birth to a new form of life. From his final thoughts, this wonderful gem: “Optimus was right—we were, ultimately, just one part of a far greater whole, and somewhere and when, in a perfect facet of the jewel he was honing, I picture an idyll, a utopia: the realization of Primus’ dream of a perfectly balanced universe, able to resist the entropic dissolution that inevitably turns order into chaos. My decision, our sacrifice, kept the dream alive.”

I couldn’t think of a better way to end this series.

[For the record, this last portion of Cool Shit was written with NRG’s “Instruments of Destruction” on a loop in the background.]