COOL SHIT 4-17-14

AMERICAN VAMPIRE: SECOND CYCLE #2: Wow. Back for two issues, and already things have just gone off the fucking rails. First of all, it’s great to see Cal again. But under the circumstances? I’m sure all things considered, he’d rather be in Philadelphia. And now that we’ve met the Gray Trader, things are probably going to get even more fucked up, especially if he’s really what Cal says he is. I’m so glad this book is finally back.

THE TRANSFORMERS: WINDBLADE #1: Ever since the animated movie, people have been baffled by Arcee’s existence. How could there only be one female Transformer? What are they, fucking Smurfs? Well, IDW has decided to address the issue by bringing in more women characters. As previously seen, they were taking care of the dying Metroplex up until now. Now, they’re on Cybertron and they’re trying to help Starscream get things up and running. Windblade is the only point of communication they have with Metroplex, since she’s the only one who can speak his language. It’s interesting to see this concept in action, but what really made me crack up was when Rattrap voiced it in a very awkward moment: “So . . . uh. What’s the—uh—whole you both being called ‘she’ thing about?” I could be mistaken, but I think Mairghread Scott is the first woman writer to ever tackle this title. Too bad they’re only giving her a mini-series.

ROVER RED CHARLIE #5: Only Garth Ennis could take a story about animals and make it as obscene as possible. I love the way these dogs think. “I’m a dog!” is how their frantic barks are translated. Oceans are big splashes. Humans are feeders. Those who haven’t had their balls cut greet each other by fucking. Take this POV and put it into a zombie apocalypse, and you have this book. In a previous issue, artist Michael DiPascale portrayed a human licking shit out of a dog’s asshole. Somehow, in this issue, Ennis and DiPascale outdo that scene with the short bus. I’ll let you read about that all on your own, though. It’s that good. I hate stories about animals, but I’m going to miss this one when it concludes next month.

STRAY BULLETS: KILLERS #2: It’s good to see Eli all grown up, and it would seem that he lost his foot in that car accident. He lost his father in it, too. But it looks like he’s gained a few interesting stories, and he might be getting laid pretty soon. But this isn’t his story. This is about a troubled young woman named Virginia, and her relationship with her aunt and uncle. David Lapham does two kinds of stories really good: tits and violence stories and depressing stories. This one is the latter, and the ending is just a heartbreaker.

COOL SHIT 3-27-14

THE WALKING DEAD #124: “All Out War” continues, and the injured members of the Hilltop are starting to turn into zombies. Jesus pieces Negan’s plan together, and everyone starts looking at Rick, realizing that he was wounded by one of the tainted weapons. Or was he . . ? Ah, fuck it. We all know Dwight didn’t taint the bolt. Please. Everyone else is turning, but Rick isn’t? Why else would he not be? I hope Kirkman proves me wrong. Now would be the perfect time to kill Rick. Could you imagine if Jesus was the protagonist instead? Or even better, Negan? I know, I keep saying that. I know Kirkman will never let Negan lead the book, but Jesus? It could happen. (Hey, one more thing: I can’t wait for this story arc to be over, not just because I have high hopes that it will be bloody and it will change everything, but also because I’m sick of these bland covers. They’ve all sucked.)

THE TRANSFORMERS: DARK CYBERTRON #2: Wow. They killed off some big characters with this story arc. Last issue, they offed the most popular character in their history, Bumblebee. Now, Shockwave is gone. And . . . well, I’ll let Megatron speak for the rest of this entry. Nothing I could say is cooler than that.

FATALE #21: In this issue, we get even more information about Josephine’s past, in particular about her relationship with Otto, the only man who is completely immune to her wiles. But the big deal about this issue is the party Jo drags Nick to. She’s interested in stealing a very important artifact, something you wouldn’t expect. And though it’s been done several times over the course of the series, it never ceases to amaze me how men respond to Jo, especially when she isn’t around them. It’s painful to watch, and it never stops being so. THREE ISSUES TO GO!

COOL SHIT 3-20-14

AMERICAN VAMPIRE: SECOND CYCLE #1: Welcome back to AMERICAN VAMPIRE, one of the very few vampire books on the market worth reading. It practically killed me when it went on hiatus. Now, it’s back, and it’s a beast with a different nature. Fast forward to the ‘Sixties, and Pearl is running kind of an underground railroad for wayward vampires. Even better, Skinner Sweet has taken an interesting direction: back to where he started. When we met him, he was a bank robber and murderer. Now he’s gone back to his thieving ways, except these days, he does it as a biker. Just look at that ponytail and sleeveless vest! But the coolest part is his hideout, a place he and his gang set up back in the Old West. It’s a buried freight car in the middle of nowhere, littered with junk, a Confederate flag and the bones of some forgotten woman. And then there’s the new villain, who seems to be a very ancient vampire . . .

JUPITER’S LEGACY #4: In this issue, we now learn a bit more about how the superheroes got their powers in the first place. More interestingly, however, is how they’ve been doing now that they have taken over America. Nobody seems to think they’re doing a great job. Big surprise. The bigger surprise: in Australia, there’s a mysterious kid with superpowers who is saving people’s lives. During his regular life, he’s doing his best to keep a low profile by pretending to be a klutz and letting the local kids beat his ass every once in a while. Still, it’s not enough to escape everyone’s attention. This has been a heartbreaker of a book so far, and I can only assume that there’s more tragedy ahead of us.

THE TRANSFORMERS: REGENERATION ONE #100: This book has a special place in my heart. When I was a kid, it was my favorite comic book. When it was canceled, it broke me so badly that I gave up reading comic books. I didn’t touch another comic until a friend of mine put the trade of EVIL ERNIE: YOUTH GONE WILD in my hands when I was in high school. When IDW announced that it was bringing Simon Furman and Andrew Wildman back to reprise the book, I was absolutely giddy. A part of me was afraid that it wouldn’t be as good as it was back in the old days, but I was just happy to have this piece of my childhood restored to me.

Well, it wasn’t as great as I hoped it would be. It was all right. It had a strong start and kind of petered out after a while. But I kept buying it, not just because I’m a habit-buyer, but also because of that special place in my heart. Well, they brought the book to a close yesterday, and I have to say, it ended in a fucking spectacular way, something I just did not expect. (Here’s my usual reminder that Cool Shit contains spoilers. If you don’t want to know how it ends, stop reading now.)

I’m sure a lot of people—myself included—thought that they’ll just end it and bring it back whenever the franchise needs a boost in sales. Uh . . . wrong. They’re fucking serious with this ending.

How do I put this delicately? Well, there is no way. Fuck it. EVERYONE DIES. There you go. Autobots and Decepticons alike. Everyone. The title of this final arc is “The War to End All Wars,” and Furman isn’t lying. Just a handful of Transformers survive when the thing that used to be Primus reshapes Cybertron, turning everyone else into Dark Matrix creatures capable of killing a ‘bot merely by touching him.

Not to mention the fact that the Dark Matrix has Optimus Prime in its thrall, and it has brought three different versions of him to fight Rodimus to the death. (Here’s another cool thing about this book: the multiverse. Whenever someone makes a movie out of a book or does a remake of a classic, I like to think that both versions happened, but they just happened in alternate universes, which is how I reconcile the differences and the things that piss me off. The same holds true for the Transformers books. Gen 1 takes place in another universe from the regular IDW books. Well, it turns out that Furman has decided that this is true. Just wait until the multiple Rodimus Primes show up, including the one from the Lost Light.)

Ultra Magnus and Galvatron have their final battle, and sure enough, one stands and one falls. Falls hard and permanently.

Rodimus realizes that the only way to save the universe is to kill Optimus Prime . . . AND HE DOES!

The Autobots and Decepticons give up war. They join forces with humans for a greater civilization. Even Starscream becomes an ambassador of peace throughout the galaxy. And in one final, beautiful moment of death, Rodimus Prime, the final Transformer, melts into the sun and gives birth to a new form of life. From his final thoughts, this wonderful gem: “Optimus was right—we were, ultimately, just one part of a far greater whole, and somewhere and when, in a perfect facet of the jewel he was honing, I picture an idyll, a utopia: the realization of Primus’ dream of a perfectly balanced universe, able to resist the entropic dissolution that inevitably turns order into chaos. My decision, our sacrifice, kept the dream alive.”

I couldn’t think of a better way to end this series.

[For the record, this last portion of Cool Shit was written with NRG’s “Instruments of Destruction” on a loop in the background.]

COOL SHIT 3-13-14

FBP #8: This issue contains what is possibly the strangest bar fight you will ever encounter in fiction. Apparently, the FBP is now located in Alaska as their funds dry up even more. The locals aren’t fans of the government agents, but they aren’t afraid to try to hustle them out of money by playing pool with Adam and Rosa, the latter of which has never played before. She learns fast, though, as she talks about the multiverse. Before long, they’ve gotten the better of the locals, but things turn violent. That’s when Rosa apparently bends space in order to throw a ball at their attackers, which has seemingly picked up the attributes of perpetual motion and terminal velocity. I’ve got to say, I never saw anything like that in PREACHER . . . And then there’s the reveal that Rosa grew up in an alternate universe. And what the fuck is Cicero up to? Just when you think things in this book can’t get weirder.

THE TRANSFORMERS: MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE #27: Well. That was . . . unexpected. Shockwave has finally revealed his endgame, and it’s a real motherfucker. He’s decided to end existence. Kind of. He intends to funnel the universe into himself, thus rendering it into one giant black hole. It’s hard to say why he wants this, but there you go. This just goes to show you that Shockwave is the nastiest villain in the TF world. Not even Megatron is that fucked up. In fact, he’s not all that bad. Remember, he started out as a revolutionary. It’s just that his hatred and his desire for power overcame his noble intentions and he turned into the monster he is now, which is why I think a small part of Optimus Prime admires him a bit. Speaking of Megatron, Ratchet has repaired him, and in an odd moment of introspection, Megatron finally understands his own tragic flaw (and I’m talking real tragic flaw, as described by Aristotle, not just as a common phrase that has almost lost its meaning).

THE WALKING DEAD #123: Remember last issue when Negan upped his game by smearing all of his army’s weapons with zombie gunk so they don’t have to actually strike killing blows? Well, the time has come to use them, and boy, does he ever. At this time, I feel it’s important to remind you all that spoilers are fair game here in Cool Shit, because this one’s a doozy. You see, this issue ends with a motherfucker of a cliffhanger: Dwight shoots a soiled arrow (sorry, I mean “bolt”) into Rick’s back. Which, in theory, means Rick is fucked. He’s going to go zombie on us, and it’s not like you can cut his fucking torso off to save him. Personally, I think Dwight’s arrow wasn’t soiled. We don’t technically see him put the zombie gunk on it (the zombie’s back covers up that scene), and remember, he’s supposed to be a spy for Rick. Kirkman constantly says that no one is safe in this book, and usually, he’s right. However, I think most of his fans would turn their backs on him if he really killed Rick off. I wouldn’t mind if Kirkman killed off all of the people we’ve been following for 123 issues and replace them with Negan and his Saviors, but he swears he’s not going to do that. Three more issues of “All Out War” to go . . .

RED TEAM #7: This is it, the final issue. Garth Ennis and Craig Cermak go out with a bang. A lot of bangs, actually. We now know who Eddie and Trudy have been telling their story to: the captain. Oddly enough, he seems to be taking it pretty well, considering what an absolute clusterfuck it would be if the press got their hands on this story. It’s interesting to see how Eddie and Trudy get out of the horrible mess at the cabin, but the absolute shocker of this issue is the captain’s conclusion. But that couldn’t be the end of it. Garth Ennis has a real bastard streak in him. That final page will break your heart. I’m going to miss this book.

COOL SHIT 2-13-14

KICK-ASS 3 #6: This is a bit of an odd story to tell this late in the series. The prison shrink is trying to get to the base of Hit-Girl’s problems by asking her to tell the story of the first time her father made her kill someone. It’s a walk down memory lane for her, where we get a little more of her backstory, even though the series is almost at its conclusion. Still, it’s a lot of fun, especially since she had performance anxiety at first. Big Daddy came up with a spectacular way to make killing fun for her, as well as to help her overcome her issues. Not a lot happens to move the main story along, though . . . except that last panel, of course. 2 MORE ISSUES TO GO!

THE TRANSFORMERS: ROBOTS IN DISGUISE #26: Dark Cybertron has been sucking pretty badly, but IDW seems to be pulling it around. In this issue, Megatron actually helps save the day. Not only that, but the Lost Light has returned, reuniting the two books. And we learn a lot about Orion Pax in this one. After he learned how all of the Primes were scumbags, he couldn’t go on endorsing them by keeping the name Optimus Prime. However, Rodimus, of all people, turns him around on this by saying he’s always wanted to be, not just a Prime, but Optimus Prime. In his time as Optimus, Orion brought greatness back to the title. And yes, due to this, we have Optimus back!

FATALE #20: It’s great to see Jo back in action now that she finally knows who she is again. She’s making her way through the world, killing the cultists on her trail and . . . saving Nicholas? Could it be that she actually likes him? Is that why she “lets all of her nightmares” into Nelson? Or does she have something else planned for poor Nicholas? It was interesting to see Jo’s suicide attempts over the years. But even better is Nicholas’s revelation that maybe, just maybe, Jo is not a good person to have in his life, even if she just saved it. FOUR ISSUES TO GO!

THE WALKING DEAD #121: Oh shit. Rick has lost his number one secret. Negan has found Eugene and his bullet factory. Things don’t bode well for the Community. Not to mention the fact that Dr. Cloyd is gone, and the Community is so fucked up Rick can’t defend it. They actually have to flee to the Hilltop, and even Ezekiel has given up. But my favorite part is when Carl calls Rick a “wimp” for passing out. Seriously, Rick passes out more than a governess in a bodice-ripper. Good for Carl for pointing out what we all want to say. Well, maybe my favorite part is when Negan consults his, uh, crystal balls.

COOL SHIT 2-6-14

FAIREST #23: All right, I don’t really care for this story arc. I only mention it here in Cool Shit because I love the fuck out of that cover! Look at that rat’s ear on Cinderella’s ass! Perfect!

THE TRANSFORMERS: MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE #26: God-fucking-dammit. The “Dark Cybertron” crossover has been boring the tits off of me. It’s like IDW is trying to destroy all the awesome shit they’ve done with the title over the years. But . . . this issue is different. It’s actually gotten my attention. Bumblebee working with Megatron? (Or rather, half of Megatron.) Starscream’s dreams crushed so badly that he’s actually given up? Prowl willing to accept Decepticons on his side, even Soundwave? This book’s getting kind of strange. Not only that, but Rodimus confesses his weakest moment to Orion Pax, and Orion Pax doesn’t give him a feel-good speech? I love the fact that Orion Pax gives him shit for it and tells him that Rodimus should have given up his leadership role. How cool is that? And then, of course, there is Bumblebee’s speech in the end of the issue. It’s even better than Rodimus’s till-all-are-one speech from the animated movie. This issue turned me around on “Dark Cybertron.”

GOD IS DEAD #6: Only Jonathan Hickman would have all the gods come back to earth, and the top minds of our world turn themselves into gods in order to save humanity . . . only to have the new gods get big heads and want to rule in their own right. Judging from how this issue ends, I have no idea how Avatar Press will continue this story. It should end here. But there are ads for further issues. A part of me is afraid to find out how they continue, but I’m more consumed by my curiosity. My favorite part of this issue? When Zeus faces off against Stephen Haw—I mean, Dr. Rhodes.

COOL SHIT 8-8-13

THE TRANSFORMERS:  MONSTROSITY #3:  Remember a while ago, when I reviewed a trashy action adventure story about the Dinobots from the past?  I said it was a waste of time, because the writer could have explored why the Dinobots—who should be Decepticons, by right—chose to be Autobots instead.  Well . . . we finally have a writer (two, actually:  Chris Metzen and Flint Dille) willing to step up to the plate on that one.  This is the issue we get our answer.  And a lot of other cool shit happens, too, like a dying Megatron vs. the Terrorcons (and Pentius, the guy with the five revolving faces, is thrown in, too).  And how about Scoponok’s batshit crazy scheme, revealed in the last pages?  It’s also nice to see the non-partisan Transformers leaving Cybertron, and the mess everyone has to go through in order to make this a reality.  Not only that, but the artwork is fucking amazing!  Livio Ramondelli should do more work in this series!  He lends everything a cold, stark reality.

THE TRANSFORMERS:  ROBOTS IN DISGUISE #20:  Here, we finally get to see King Starscream in action.  I’ve always wanted to see this, since I was a kid.  I don’t mean like the three seconds of power he had in the animated movie; I mean power, for real.  And it’s a wonder to behold, not because he wants to lord over people, but because he actually wants to rebuild this society.  Don’t get me wrong, he’s not being altruistic.  He really gets off on being in charge, but like all politicians, he wants to keep his position.  Hence, he goes through a great deal of lying and misdirection.  Of course, there’s a pretty Machiavellian move he pulls on a poor fellow by the name of Scoop . . . .  And it’s really weird seeing Starscream feel remorse for some things.  I didn’t think he was capable of it.  Seriously, this book keeps getting better and better.

FATALE #16:  I’m really digging the new story arc.  It reminds me of Ed Brubaker’s oldest work, LOWLIFE.  In fact, the group of friends living in the house that Josephine has stumbled into really remind me of the characters from that other book.  Unless memory serves me poorly, I could also swear that LOWLIFE featured these nobodies pulling off an armed robbery, too.  Then again, it’s an easy connection to see, since this takes place in Seattle, post-Kurt Cobain, much like LOWLIFE did.  It’s easy to feel a bit of nostalgia for this one, the perfect feeling to experience while reading FATALE.

COOL SHIT 8-1-13

G.I. JOE #6:  All right, I’ve been ragging on this new incarnation of G.I. JOE, and well within reason.  It’s a jokey, bullshit book which destroys the great storyline that came before it.  But this issue made me laugh.  I couldn’t help it.  It goes into Cover Girl’s history and why she decided to join the military.  Apparently, she was on an army reality show, in which celebrities (she was a model, remember) go through basic training and then face off against each other on TV for some prize or other.  While they shoot the season finale, a crew of pirates raid their desert island and take them captive, and only Cover Girl can save them.  It sounds stupid, I know, but it made me laugh, mostly because it skewers reality shows, and I FUCKING HATE REALITY SHOWS.

THE TRANSFORMERS:  MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE #19:  Wow, this one adds a lot to the mythology, in particular a few interesting uses for the Matrix in the old days.  But the big shocker this time out is . . . Ultra Magnus was never Ultra Magnus, not in all the time we’ve known him.  He’s not an impostor, nor did someone control his mind (like with Prowl in ROBOTS IN DISGUISE).  Ultra Magnus has been gone for centuries.  However, he created this armor that looks like him that other Autobots can wear so that they can be the ultimate lawman.  And it’s passed down through the generations.  How weird is that?  And ballsy.  I wonder how many Ultra Magnus fans are weeping right now.  But goddam!  IDW is kicking ass with this one!

THE WAKE #3:  I’ll be honest, I didn’t know what to make of this series with the first issue.  It didn’t really say a lot, aside from introducing characters and mystery.  But plot?  Conflict?  Not so much.  This is quickly growing into one of my favorite miniseries.  Killer mermaids have been done before, but not like this.  The power they exert over their victims is astonishing, especially when it happens to the big game hunter.  You can practically hear him say, “Clever girl,” at one point.  Scott Snyder is an animal, and I wish he would cut back on the superhero stuff and concentrate more on stuff like this.  (And, of course, I’m going into AMERICAN VAMPIRE withdrawals.)

NEXT TESTAMENT #3:  Remember in last issue, when Wick had that dinner party of powerful guests at his mercy?  Well . . . not anymore.  They’re dead.  All of them, and in fantastic ways.  It’s an orgy of gore, and it’s a beauty to behold.  Not only that, but on a whim, he decides to change airplanes so they can’t fly anymore.  That’s right, all of them.  At once.  One has to wonder what the fuck this guy has in mind for the human race.  He’s delighted by them, but he seems to have no problem killing them off en masse.  This book gives me such a hard-on.  I can’t wait to see where Clive Barker brings us next!

COOL SHIT 1-10-13

THE SECRET SERVICE #5:  Mark Millar continues to kick ass with the penultimate installment of the sister book to WANTED.  (Let’s face it, it’s WANTED but for good guys.)  As with all of his books, this one isn’t even finished, and already the movie is in preproduction.  And as always, it certainly deserves it, especially when we finally learn why the villain is trying to kidnap Hollywood celebrities.  This issue comes with a cameo from Ridley Scott.  Even better:  check out how this issue ends.  Holy fuck, right?  That’s pretty intense work, and I can’t wait to see how it all ends!

THE DARK TOWER:  SHEEMIE’S TALE #1:  For the most part, when this book covers material that Stephen King already covered in the DT books, it’s been kind of lame.  Very beautiful, but I’ve read it all before.  I want something new, like when Marvel first started adapting the series.  Finally, we get something different:  Sheemie’s story and how he wound up at the Devar-toi.  We get our first look of the Taheen, and we get to meet the Breakers, including Ted Brautigan, a major character from HEARTS IN ATLANTIS.  Artist Richard Isanove is a genius.  Check out some of the scenes where Sheemie works on breaking the Beams.  It’s some of the most beautiful artwork to appear in a comic book.

THE TRANSFORMERS:  ROBOTS IN DISGUISE #13:  More Starscream action as he talks with Megatron’s supposedly unconscious form.  Once again, it’s very interesting to get into Starscream’s head as he talks about how he’s manipulated everything so that the Decepticons would win Cybertron without ever firing a single shot.  Being that he’s a coward, he has to rely on a bloodless coup, and it’s amazing to see him practically begging Megatron to just let him finish with his plan.  Naturally, Megatron has other ideas.  So do Prowl and Arcee, for that matter.  It looks like things are heating up to a conclusion for this amazing political story.

THE WALKING DEAD #106:  Rick has been going crazy with Carl gone, but now that he knows where Negan is, he can only assume that the new villain has absconded with his son.  He’s gotten together with Andrea, Michonne, and Jesus to find this place and, wait.  He’s going to calmly ask for Carl back?!  Right, because Rick is still trying to lull Negan into a false sense of security with a bunch of submissive moves.  Too bad Negan is on his way to bring Carl back . . . and with a final panel like the one in this issue, I’m sure #107 is going to be pretty fucking harsh.

COOL SHIT 2-23-12 (Yeah, I know it's late. Sorry.)

AMERICAN VAMPIRE #24:  I can’t tell you how happy I am to see Skinner Sweet alive and well.  And as far as protagonists go, they don’t come more intense than Travis.  He is pretty fucking serious about putting Sweet down.  Just look at the scenes of him in the asylum, and how he gets out.  Not to mention that, after Sweet pounded seven shades of shit out of Travis, Travis is still eager and willing to continue fighting, almost beyond the point of common sense.  I’m so glad I didn’t give up on this series after Sweet “died.”  I just hope Scott Snyder has a good excuse for taking back his death.

THE TRANSFORMERS:  ROBOTS IN DISGUISE #2:  Have I told you about how much I fucking love this new direction TF is taking?  Yeah, okay, I don’t mean to go overboard, but I’m constantly getting a hard-on for this book.  This time, Bumblebee is sooooooo paranoid about being assassinated by the Decepticons that he preemptively takes out Starscream the ONE AND ONLY TIME Starscream has ever told the truth to an Autobot.  Well, the thing is, Ratbat is indeed planning to have Bumblebee killed, but now that Starscream has talked . . . well, read the book and find out.  And why would Starscream sell Ratbat out like that?  Hm, do you know Starscream?!  Here’s a hint to his powermongering abilities:  in this issue, he joins the Autobots.  How fucked up is that?

COOL SHIT 2-16-12

ROAD RAGE #1: I knew I’d like this one well before I picked it up, and not just because Stephen King and Joe Hill are listed as the writers. I’m very familiar with their adapted story, “Throttle,” so I already dig the characters and the situation. (Quick note: King and Hill just approved of the story; the guy who adapted it to the page is Chris Ryall.) And come on, let’s face it, this is a wet dream come true for horror fans. Father and son working together? Who could pass it up? I first encountered it as the audio book read by Stephen Lang, and I have loved it ever since. It was originally a part of an anthology, HE IS LEGEND, a collection of stories inspired by Richard Matheson. This one was inspired by DUEL, which will be adapted next for this title. So . . . am I turned-on by this? Like a motherfucker. The only problem is Ryall is a bit rushed, so some really good exposition goes right out the window. When these bikers start getting killed by the guy in the truck, I don’t give a shit about any of them. He also cut out one of my favorite exchanges from the story, about a four-letter word for something one character does to another’s mother. (The answer: GALL.) Still, it’s a good primer for King, Hill, and Matheson’s work, so check it out.

G.I. JOE: RETALIATION #1: The more I hear about the new G.I. Joe movie, the more I want to see it. I think it might just kick the shit out of the first one, and this movie prequel helps reinforce that idea. Mainframe gets taken hostage by ninja (as we learn in this issue, the plural of “ninja” is “ninja”), and Snake Eyes and Roadblock fail to get him back. In fact, Roadblock get so pissed off he decks Hawk and gets locked up for it. Also, they’re not afraid to kill Joes off. Charbroil goes out in a pretty nasty way. The only drawback: Storm Shadow’s still alive. Fuck that pussy shit. Kill off the guy, and don’t do any take-backs.

WONDER WOMAN #6: This book flounders a lot. It’s hard to say whether it’s good or not, but the current issue has a pretty cool concept. Wonder Woman is manipulating Poseidon and Hades together in an attempt to get something that she wants. Not bad, Azzarello. Not bad. The only thing is . . . do you miss writing for HELLBLAZER? Is that what this Lennox fellow is about? Because let’s face it, aside from the whole being built of stone thing, he’s Constantine. Come on. A blond, chain-smoking trenchcoated Englishman who knows his way around magic and sardonic one-liners? Why didn’t you just use Constantine? Get him out of that awful JUSTICE LEAGUE DARK book.

THE TRANSFORMERS: MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE #2: Goddam, do I love the direction this franchise is taking! Rodimus is still trying to account for everybody after their ship nearly exploded, and in the meantime, Skids, the theoretician of the group, gets to battle robots with giant swords. Cyclonus is inducted onto the team, and . . . and . . . I’m giddy. They even have a list of the crew on the last page. This could very well be the best series in the entire run of this book, and I’m even throwing the G1 stuff in there.

HELLBLAZER #288: I can’t tell you how long I’ve waited for this. Wait, actually I can: approximately 200 issues. John Constantine versus the First of the Fallen once again, and this time, the blue collar mage has chosen to take the ultimate gamble: the Devil’s Wager. The First gives him the chance to convince his sister to leave Hell, and if he succeeds, they’ll be rushed out. However, if he fails, the First gets Epiphany’s soul. And there’s a catch: any promise made in Hell must be honored in the land of the living. To add to the mess, Constantine’s evil twin is hanging around Cheryl in Hell (mostly because it’s entertaining). I cannot tell you how fucking happy I am right now. Comics have been really good to me today.

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THE WALKING DEAD #93: We’re still in kind of a lull, as this is just the beginning of a new storyline, but it seems like things are going to heat up really fast. Just when you start thinking Rick is turning a new leaf, that he’s finally going to be less psycho than he’s been for the past 70-ish issues, he pulls some paranoid violence out of his ass and quite possibly fucks up any chance of getting civilization up and running again. It’s slowly starting to dawn on me that no matter how fucked up things get, Rick and his crew might actually be the villains of this book. What a horrifying concept!

TRANSFORMERS: ROBOTS IN DISGUISE #1: The sister book to MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE starts out with Cybertron in a horrible mess. Prowl has left the Decepticons in charge of keeping the peace, and to control them, he’s installed a device in all of them. If they misbehave, he can make their heads explode. Of course, them being Decepticons, they take their duties too far and essentially become stormtroopers. In the meantime, Bumblebee is stuck between his duties, making things work with the Decepticons, and trying to bring the expat Transformers into the fold. Things are clearly not working, especially since most people think he murdered Rodimus Prime and hundreds of others for political reasons. He does not help matters by using Prowl’s device to blow up a Decepticon’s head. And with Ratbat in the middle of it all, being his usual politician self, one suspects Bumblebee’s attempts at leadership will be run right off the rails.

ANGEL AND FAITH #6: This book has been good, but not great . . . until now. In this issue, through a flashback, we get to see some of Giles’s past, about his training to become a Watcher. It’s kind of interesting, because very few fans have probably considered the trials he had to go through to become the man he was before Angel cruelly murdered him at the end of season 8 of BUFFY. It’s very easy to see how he became Ripper during his teenage years. In addition to this, we finally get to meet Faith’s father (which should turn out pretty interesting), and Drusilla is back . . . and sane?!

AMERICAN VAMPIRE #23: DUDE! SKINNER SWEET LIVES! I now have a reason to continue reading this book! It’s odd, seeing as how it looked pretty obvious that he’d died in World War II, but here he is, in the ‘Fifties, being pursued by Travis, whose parents he’d killed. Travis is actually a pretty interesting character in his own right. After witnessing the deaths of his parents and growing up in a loony bin, he’s made a life out of hunting vampires . . . and biting them back. Even though he’s got a gun that shoots wooden bullets (in lieu of carrying stakes), he has a set of fangs he wears so he can actually bite offending vampires. How quirky is that?! This is quickly becoming my favorite story arc of this entire series.

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THE TRANSFORMERS: MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE #1: Holy shit, am I the only one excited about the new direction in the Transformers universe? IDW brought the Autobot vs. Decepticon war to an end. They got rid of Megatron. Optimus Prime died in a very unusual way (I won’t say anything about that in case you don’t know, but shame on you for not knowing). And now all the non-Autobot and non-Decepticon Transformer has returned to Cybertron, demanding preferred status because they had no part in the civil war. What’s going to happen from there? IDW split the franchise into two titles: this one and ROBOTS IN DISGUISE. I predict the other one will be about the political struggle to return peace to Cybertron with Bumblebee, Prowl, and Ironhide being stuck with this unfortunate task. This one, however, will probably be more fun. Rodimus Prime has gotten a bug up his ass about the ancestors of the Transformers, the Knights of Cybertron. He believes they’re out there somewhere, and if he can find them in this vast universe, perhaps they can save Cybertron. I envision a lot of adventures, possibly a few of them swashbuckling, especially considering the warning from the future that arrives on Cybertron just after Rodimus sets off on his journey. What warning is that? Read the book, fucker! The only gripe I have is the art. After the wonderful things this book accomplished with the Chaos storyline, I was hoping for better. All of the characters look somehow . . . wispy. Don’t worry, though. The story more than makes up for it. Good times ahead, folks. Now’s the time to hop on board.

THE STAND: THE NIGHT HAS COME #6: Here we are, after four long years of the retelling of Stephen King’s finest novel, in my opinion. Once again, the folks over at Marvel have done an excellent job of adapting King’s words with glorious art. This is the perfect epilogue to everything that’s happened. As the story finally finishes up at Hemingford Home with Stu and Frannie and little Peter as they head east back to Maine, there is truly some satisfaction to be found in these comic books. And of course, there’s the part titled “The Circle Closes.” If you read the novel, you know what I’m talking about. You know who Russell Faraday is. You know how wheels always come back around to where they began . . . . It’s too late to jump on board for this one, but there are still the trades. Get on that, you fool!