GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #435: EXISTENCE IS A FUCKIN' WEIRD PLACE

 I mean, when you stop and think about it. Just about everything is an illusion, but that would make sense, wouldn't it? When a camera sees stuff, it translates data into an image, and that's kind of what our eyes do, anyway. We just do it with more meat. Think you're looking at something green? Sucker! It's all the colors EXCEPT for green! That's just the color the object reflects back to you. And you never really get to touch something. All you can feel is the sensation of trying to touch something. Your atoms won't let you actually touch something.

And fucking electric fucking eels! A living creature that can deliver a serious voltage to whatever it touches. Something that can hurt us and kill smaller creatures.

And the platypus! Did God sneeze when making that fucker?

I mean, look at this fuckin' thing!

There are some people who think mushrooms are extraterrestrial because they're unlike anything else from our tree of life. Maybe. I mean, it sounds kinda stupid, but it's possible, right? God's an astronaut. Oz is over the rainbow, and Midian is where the monsters live.

I keep thinking about how most people reacted to learning that humans evolved from monkeys. They were so furious. No, we couldn't come from monkeys. We're creatures of God, shithead. Actually, that's not what I keep thinking about. What I really keep thinking about is what if they made the next logical step? What if they were told that monkeys evolved from bacteria? Ergo . . .

Hey, all this planet needed was a handful of single cell organisms and a few million years, and now we have 9-5 jobs, mortgages and a bunch of other shit not even nature could have come up with.

I'm going to stop talking about this now before I start pondering how magnets work, but I gotta say, I love writing these things while hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh as fuck. I almost forgot what writing them while drunk felt like. Maybe the next time I decide to drink. We'll see.

It should come as a surprise to no one that this guy was my favorite Midianite.