Wednesday, December 22, 2021

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #446: BIG MAC PRISON


 I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but when I was a kid, I loved the Big Mac prison. It looks like the above picture, but the one I went to was in Villa Park, the location of the first McDonald's Playland or Play Place. There's a difference between the two. One is outside, one is inside. I used to know which was which, but I can't be bothered to look it up right now. Mine was inside and a lot taller than this.


I wrote about it very briefly here. I might have gone into more detail elsewhere, but again, see my attitude toward the above conundrum for more details.


In that GF column I mentioned a field trip, but the simple fact of the matter was, if I went to that McDonald's with anyone, then I would hide in the Big Mac prison to avoid having to go home. If someone found me, I would argue like crazy to not get out of it. Since those who brought me here were adults, they couldn't fit inside, so they had to threaten me until I started crying and climbed down to be dragged home.


The more I think about it, the more I have no idea why the fuck that was. There's the obvious reason of a child having fun and not wanting to go home, but was that really it? There had to be a different reason. I had lots of stuff I could have done at home. That's where my Hardy Boys books lived.


When I was a young man, I'm told I got into a drunken altercation that the cops had to arrive for. I have no recollection of this, but I'm told that I surrendered and said that the cops could bring me to jail. Is there some weird thing in the back of my head that wants to be behind bars? I have no fucking idea. The cops didn't bother arresting me due to the intervention of the friend I got into that altercation with. All I know is that I woke up hours later, sober and wondering why my neck felt so horrible (long story for another day, perhaps) and where the afternoon had gone. Did Big Mac still lurk in the back of my head at the time? Is he there now as I type this?


My Big Mac is long gone. Historical significance apparently didn't apply to McDonald's, so they tore him and his buddies down. But maybe he's still out there. Waiting. For me.

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