Tuesday, July 30, 2024

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #882: IT'S A BIRD, IT'S A PLANE, IT'S . . .

 . . . I don't know. But I'm pretty confused. More confused than the guy who thought Superman was a bird or a plane. Jeez, guy.


On my way home from work I saw a bunch of people looking up into the sky, and I wondered what they were looking at. If I still had my old Civic I could use the sunroof to find out, but in my Accord all I see is the ceiling. As I got closer to home, I saw a bunch of cop cars parking in the general vicinity of my home, and they were all getting out to look at the sky.


Goddammit, what if this is the day aliens finally show up, and these neighbors and cops are all looking at a flying saucer? Am I going to miss the aliens? That's bullshit! Or it could be a weird light show like the one in Day of the Triffids or Christmas with the Dead, so maybe me not being blind or a zombie, respectively, is good news.


I drove past my elementary school, and there were maybe four cops in the west parking lot looking up at the sky. When that many cops get together it's usually bad news for someone, possibly even me. And it made me think back to one of my previous jobs.


I was tech support for Call One, a telecom company. The receptionist quit without putting in her two weeks, and I was recruited to cover the front desk until they could get a replacement. And that took a lot of time.


But the groups of cops today made me think about the day that about 6-8 of them showed up at the office asking to see one of my coworkers. I was advised to not tell him that the cops were there to see him, and as they kept an eye on me, I was unable to warn him. When the City of Chicago sends that many cops to arrest you, they're really worried about something.


But the cops milled about, and the CEO's secretary came up to talk with them about what was going on. Later, when she was telling the story to someone else, she said I looked very nervous when the cops were here. That might have something to do with the fact that every time I've dealt with cops outside of my City of Elmhurst job, they were there specifically to make my life miserable, and it pleased me whenever I could turn that around on them. I would never gloat. You can't. But if you play dumb you can reverse it on them, and they won't do anything about it. Your mileage may vary, so don't do this unless you're sure of yourself.


But the real reason I was so nervous was because all of those cops were armed. Also, did I mention they were CPD? So yeah, they've probably had the chance to pull those guns, maybe even the chance to pull those triggers. Maybe the chance to pull those triggers while aiming those guns at someone.


I really, really don't like cops, especially groups of them. I consider a group to be more than 2 of them, although 2 are plenty dangerous as it is. I don't like being around armed people who are very likely to shoot people if they haven't already. So yeah, I wasn't exactly in the best of moods that morning.


They arrested my coworker, but whatever it was didn't stick. Have I mentioned that cops are objectively bad at their jobs?


Oh yeah, when I got home I checked the skies. I saw nothing. It wasn't a bird, it wasn't a plane, it wasn't even Superman. I feel like one of the guys from Ernest P. Worrell's family album special, the one who was always certain that the gambler had nothing. Which he did. And the skies held more of the same for me today.


Dammit. I better not have missed aliens.

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