Monday, October 3, 2016


It takes a lot to piss me off. Frustrated is easy. That happens everyday. But pissed off? Furious? That's a lot harder. I can take a lot. I was severely beaten as a child. I was mercilessly bullied until high school (when I suddenly, luckily, grew to a height that dwarfed my bullies). I can take just about anything. Fucking anything. If you were to guess that I have a ruthless, possibly pathological, self-deprecating sense of humor, then you would be right.

As you can tell, something's stuck in my craw. I apologize for the egotistical post, but this thing has been eating at me since yesterday, when I first encountered it.

I am not a natural storyteller. I have a natural drive, but I had to seek out a way to do this shit. Ask anyone who read my work when I was a kid. They'll tell you it was garbage because I didn't know how to do it. It took me a long time to figure out how to tell a satisfying story, and it took a lot of hard work. One of my friends, and this is a guy who tells it like it is, told me that when he read my stuff from high school and college, he thought I was a shitty writer. Then he read my stuff in the past couple of years, and he was thoroughly impressed by how far I've come. That didn't happen by magic. It happened through hard work. A lot of it.

How do you piss me off? Tell me that I'm wasting my talent. I love the person who said this, and I don't want to go too deeply into that aspect. But I told her that it wasn't a talent. It was an ability. I built it up from virtually nothing. So substitute talent for ability. Even so, how the fuck am I wasting it? I write nearly every day. I have a metric shit-ton of titles to my name.

I have, over my computer, a sign that says WRITE DAMMIT. YOU'RE NOT GOOD AT ANYTHING ELSE. All right, I ripped it off from Simon Clark, but still. Writing is the one and only thing in my life that I truly take seriously. It is the only reason I'm alive. If I didn't have this I would have withered away a long time ago. It's the one thing I'm proud of, and I'll be damned if anyone is going to take that away from me.

Fuck. Reading back, I sound like a fucking prick who's full of himself. Wow. I need to get laid.

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