GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #218: FLU SHOTS

I got my first flu shot today. It's making me nervous as all hell. I used to joke about worrying what the government was putting in these things, but in reality I had a very different fear. They say that once you get your first flu shot you have to get them for the rest of your life. Kind of like shaving your body hair. Once you do it, it will grow back twice as tough, and you'll have to keep on doing it forever if you want to be rid of it.


You may remember that earlier this year I was stricken with a ghastly mystery illness that started with a horrible, filthy child in an urgent care waiting room. That little fucker coughed and sneezed all over everything. I saw him sneeze in his mother's face. No admonishment to cover his mouth. I suspect that he'll grow up to become the next Donald Trump.


I only get sick once a year, and that piece of shit caught me at that exact time of year. But it kept getting worse to the point where my doctor thought I had pneumonia. It wasn't that, but whatever it was triggered the mystery illness that had me laid up for two months. I'm certain that the mystery illness wouldn't have happened without that asshole kid's virus, whatever it was.


While trying to figure it out, my doctor asked me if I'd gotten the flu shot that year. I told him I never get them. He said that because I'm diabetic I should get them every year. He was certain that this horrible period of my life was caused by me not getting my flu shot.


So yeah. Not wanting to go through that bullshit again, I got the flu shot at work today. I guess I'll be doing that for the rest of my life. Fuck.


It was an all right experience. I hate needles. I never liked them, but I've been around a lot of them these past few years for various ailments. I got used to them, but at the same time I hate them even more. The nurse was pretty good with this one, though. I barely felt it. Better yet, she seemed interested in my reading material. JF Gonzalez's SURVIVOR. On my morning commute someone on the train noticed the book and recoiled in horror at it. It was good to see this nurse balancing out the universe.


But the thing that really freaked me out was when I admitted this was my first flu shot. Everyone was very concerned, afraid that I would have an allergic reaction. I'm allergic to nothing (except, possibly, religion), but all the same it gave me The Fear. They made me wait a while before sending me back to work. My head filled with visions of my arm puffing out like an overstuffed sausage. It didn't help that the nurse asked me if I was right handed or left handed. When I said I was a righty, she said she would inject my left arm.


But it all went good. I swear to fuck, if I get sick this winter I'll be pissed. Fuck what my doctor says, I'm not getting the shot next year. But if all goes well? I guess I can shoulder that burden.