I wanted to write a love poem to horror movies using quotes from those movies. I grabbed every VHS horror tape I owned and went through them, looking for quotes that really stood out. The stanzas each represent a different decade. Reading it now, there is some kind of structure, aside from the refrain from Bride of Frankenstein. Not much. Probably unintentional. See if you can match the movies to the quotes.
In fact, now might be a good time for a contest. Let's see how many of you truly love horror movies. Some quotes are pretty easy. Others . . . not so much. The first person who sends me a complete list of the movies I quote below will win a copy of my new book, BLOOD. Failing that, whoever gets the most correct wins. I can't really forbid you from using Google, but try not to cheat. The contest ends on June 30 at 11:59 pm CST. Without further ado . . .]
“How do you
do? Mr. Carl Laemmle feels that it would be a little unkind to present this
picture without just a word of friendly warning. We’re about to unfold the
story of Frankenstein, a man of science who sought to create a man after his
own image without reckoning upon God. It is one of the strangest tales ever
told. It deals with the two great mysteries of creation: life and death. I
think it will thrill you. It may shock you. It might even horrify you. So if
any of you feel that you do not care to subject your nerves to such a strain,
now’s your chance to . . . well, we’ve warned you.”
“To a new
world of gods and monsters!”
“Call all
the elders of the community together to pray. The stars predict disaster.”
“Damn it, I
don’t like it! You’re tampering with the supernatural!”
“His eyes
are ghastly beads in which there is no light—like holes in a grinning skull!
His face is like leprous parchment, yellow skin strung tight over protruding
bones! His nose—there is no nose!”
“To a new
world of gods and monsters!”
“Master, the
sun is gone!”
“That body
is not dead. It has never lived. I created it. I made it with my own hands from
the bodies I took from graves, from the gallows, anywhere.”
“Corpses
taken from their graves, all made to work in sugar mills and fields at night.”
“We didn’t
lie to you, folks. We told you we have living, breathing monstrosities. You
laugh at them, shudder at them, and yet, but for the accident of birth you
might be even as they are.”
“Sometimes
he drinks heavily. A night like this will set him going, and once he’s drunk
he’s rather dangerous.”
“Death.
Eternal punishment for anyone who opens this casket. In the name of Amon-Ra,
the king of the gods.”
“When I am
dead, my funeral . . . you will bury me at dusk in the clothes I told you. You
will place the figure of Anubis at the west of the inner chamber . . . And on
the night of the full moon, at the first star I will make my offering of the
eternal light to Anubis, opener of ways. If I have done well in his sight,
those fingers will close over the door, and he will open to me the gates of
immortality.”
“It’s
easier, really, if you’re clever. A few chemicals mixed together, that’s all.
And flesh and blood and bone just fade away. A little of this injected under
the skin of the arm every day for a month. An invisible man can rule the world.
Nobody will see him come, nobody will see him go. He can hear every secret. He
can rob or rape or kill!”
“It’s a
perfect night for mystery and horror. The air itself is full of monsters.”
“You fool.
You insulting beast. I will kill you but honestly and fairly. I challenge you
to combat with any weapon you choose. Sword, dagger, mace, lance, stones, a
horse, a foot, standing on our heads! Or your favorite joust, with wine.”
“Oh, by the
way, your place cards are rather amusing. If you care to glance at them, you’ll
find something to your disadvantage. In this corner is a figure which gives you
the order in which you are to die tonight, and in this corner the exact time.
You will be the first, Judge Bowman, at exactly 7:00. In fact, you have a
trifle less than two minutes to live.”
“To a new
world of gods and monsters!”
“Even a man
who’s pure in heart and says his prayers by night may become a wolf when the
wolfbane blooms and the autumn moon is bright.”
“He’s a
beast, an animal. And someday I’ll have to destroy him.”
“To a new
world of gods and monsters!”
“Crimes of
violence will be reproduced in wax and exhibited while they are still fresh in
the public mind.”
“My boys
call it the Black Lagoon. The paradise. Only they say nobody has ever come back
to prove it.”
“I’m
Fredrick Lawrence, and I’ve rented the house on Haunted Hill tonight so that my
wife can give a party. A haunted house party. She’s so amusing. There’ll be
food and drink and ghosts and perhaps even a few murders. You’re all invited.
If any of you will spend the next twelve hours in this house, I’ll give you
each ten thousand dollars, or your next of kin in case you don’t survive. Ah,
but here come our guests.”
“A scream at
the right time can save your life.”
“Sure. You
loved her. That’s why you chased her through the swamp with a shotgun.”
“To a new
world of gods and monsters!”
“In 1692,
Elizabeth Selwyn went to the stake. She was buried in the churchyard in New England.
And yet, three years later . . . three years later a new wave of blood
sacrifices broke out from the village that had condemned her. The daughters of
the elders who had condemned her were themselves found murdered with every drop
of blood drained from their bodies, and afterwards, people came forward to
testify that they had actually seen Elizabeth Selwyn.”
“My mother .
. . um . . . what is the phrase? She isn’t quite herself today.”
“Now, no
Novocain. It dulls the senses.”
“Nobody ever
leaves me.”
“Surely as
the village of Arkham is risen up against me, so shall I rise from the dead
against the village of Arkham.”
“An evil old
house, the kind some people call haunted, is like an undiscovered country
waiting to be explored. Hill House had stood for ninety years and might stand
for ninety more. Silence lay steadily against the wood and stone of Hill House
and whatever walked there, walked alone.”
“But don’t
forget you saw her, too. Perhaps we’re both mad.”
“Oh Satanis!
I bring to you this girl with the humble hope that you will accept her quickly.
Let thy power envelop her senses, and let thy cold be thrust upon her being for
all the days she has upon her.”
“And now the
spider gets to give the bug a big sting.”
“Tomorrow
you are taking the little czar to the frozen river. While you are there, you
will see to it that he meets with an accident.”
“I’m not
mad, you know. They call me Mad Peter because I find it difficult to grasp some
of the things that seem so important nowadays, like being able to make money.
But I’m not mad. I’m just a little vague, sensitive. This is an evil place!”
“They’re
coming to get you, Barbara.”
“To a new
world of gods and monsters!”
“I have used
my knowledge of music and acoustics to recreate my voice.”
“But no
one’s ever got the better of Phibes, sir. To our uncertain knowledge, he’s
already killed fifteen men. You can’t hope to win.”
“How many
merits does an Eagle scout get for seducing a Brownie?”
“The pound
of flesh Antonio owed to Shylock. It’s Lionheart, all right. Only he would have
the temerity to rewrite Shakespeare.”
“Now, those
children out there, they are jumping through the flames in the hope that the
god of fire will make them fruitful. Really, you can hardly blame them. After
all, what girl would not prefer the child of a god to that of some acne-scarred
artisan?”
“Let Jesus
fuck you! Let Jesus fuck you! Let him fuck you!”
“They’re all
going to laugh at you!”
“Do you
believe the dead are returning to life and attacking the living?”
“Certain
sources have indicated an increase of incidents involving cannibalism, but the
government has denied this categorically.”
“The
greatest mysteries in the world are not mysteries at all unless we take the
time to become familiar with them.”
“To a new
world of gods and monsters!”
“I said I’m
not going to hurt you. I’m just going to bash your brains in. I’m going to bash
them right the fuck in. I’m not going to hurt you.”
“First,
right after it happened, I was in shock. I just functioned automatically. I
didn’t feel anything. Then one day it hit me: Julianne and Kathy are gone. I
just kept walking around the apartment saying it over and over and over.
They’re gone, they’re gone. I guess I was about half-crazy.”
“You’re
going to Camp Blood, ain’t you?”
“He’s an old
man over fifty years. You’d think you’d know what he’s capable of.”
“Meteorshit!”
“Your
torments call us like dogs in the night, and we do feed and feed well.”
“I stood
there and watched him kill that girl.”
“She had the
smell of a brand-new car. That’s just about the finest smell in the world,
except maybe for pussy.”
“The
feathers are a clear sign to keep away. If you don’t, the trail will disappear
behind you.”
“We’re gonna
get you. We’re gonna get you. Not another peep. Time to go to sleep.”
“One, two,
Freddy’s coming for you. Three, four, better lock your door. Five, six, grab
your crucifix. Seven, eight, gonna stay up late. Nine, ten, never sleep again.”
“Your
worship, the animal in question is by no means a normal product of nature. Its
armor is a thick layer of gristle that can’t be penetrated by a rifle shot
unless it’s fired from underneath it.”
“The closet
door was open. Not much. Just a crack.”
“Gatlin?
They ain’t nothing in Gatlin.”
“Help
yourself, fucker!”
“Upset.
Grief-stricken. You don’t know what those words mean. My son was torn to
pieces. Pieces! My son was torn to pieces! And you come in here and talk to
these men about private justice? You dare do that?”
“I am Peter
Vincent, vampire killer!”
“See? It
wants me. It wants food. But it has no stomach. It can take no nourishment from
what it ingests. It’s working on instinct.”
“The
important question is, where do they get all the skeletons with the perfect
teeth? I’m going to ask you a serious question. How many people you know die
with a beautiful set of choppers in their puss?”
“And what
would the note say, Dan? Cat dead, details later?”
“Old
people’s history is written in blood on pages of flesh.”
“Do you know
what they do to girls like Nicole? Huh? They chop her up and film it to show it
to the psychos. Is that what you want?”
“Your goddam
stupidity is the reason my son is dead.”
“I dare you
to pull your eye out.”
“They are .
. . delicious.”
“Honey, come
on over here, sugarbuns. This machine just called me an asshole.”
“I said,
where’s the fucking bourbon?”
“But that
coffee machine was fucking defective, and we’ve got to nail the bastards so no
one else gets killed.”
“It’s the
damnedest thing, Sam. His eyes are burned out. Never saw anything like it.”
“My
neighborhood is the target of some maniac, and my sister’s been kidnapped,
probably by the same guy. How are you this morning?”
“Don’t let
them bury me. I’m not dead!”
“What do you
think’s happening? A guy got creamed, that’s what happened. Happens all the
time.”
“That’s it,
Johnny. Take a good look. However cleverly you sneak up on a mirror, your
reflection always looks you straight in the eye.”
“You
bastards! You dirty bastards! Give me back my hand! Give me back my hand!”
“Every drop
of blood you spilled was more flesh on my bones, and we both want that, don’t
we?”
“You think
you’ve got what it takes? I’ve been guarding my game for a long time, bitch.”
“Well, the
wall was built to mark the stream. Supposedly, the evil spirits that haunt the
land can’t cross over running water or something.”
“You’re
looking at vengeance. Cruel, devious, pure as venom vengeance.”
“Give me the
power, I beg of you!”
“You’re
going up there to take on Casper the fucking ghost. You don’t need a detective.
You need Bill Murray, for Christ’s sake.”
“You admit
that it’s possible for a piece of glass to retain the image of someone who sits
in front of it for a great period of time?”
“Well, I’ve
been watching them on and off all day, and they don’t seem to be making any
movements. They just stand there.”
“Is she
delicious, or am I crazy?”
“This is the
place where the dead speak. Don’t go on, Doc, no matter how much you feel you
have to. Do not go on to the place where the dead walk.”
“You just
still don’t understand, do you? This is no longer about just reanimating the
dead. We will create new life!”
“To a new
world of gods and monsters!”
“I’ve done
life. Now, I’m doing death.”
“What’s the
big deal? You swish a little alcohol in the hole, you tape it shut, it’s
fixed.”
“So why did
you end the story on an image of children burying this old man?”
“See,
according to this, you’re already dead.”
“A small,
twisted deformity whose most striking feature is an unnervingly human face.”
“They’d
stake one of our boys to the ground, through his hands, through his feet, they
stake him like Jesus. Then they make the cut just above the abdomen. Now, this
isn’t a fatal cut. This is merely an entry wound. Then they get a rat. A real
hungry rat, one that hadn’t been feeding for about a week, and they put it on
the wound, and they’d stick its nose down inside.”
“Good. Kill
it, bury it and bring me its tail so I can throw it in the fire and watch it
burn.”
“Life’s a
bitch, and then you die. Usually.”
“Every town
has an Elm Street.”
“I am dead.
Let me go. Wake me, and let me go.”
“I blew it
up. Mm-hm. ‘Fraid so. I blew the shit out of it. And if you ever want to go
home again, you’re going to have to do it with a shovel.”
“Not lying
down dead, my friend. Walking around in my fucking cell dead!”
“His right
hand is sawn off, and he has a hook jammed in the bloody stump. And if you look
in the mirror, and you say his name five times, he’ll appear behind you,
breathing down your neck. Wanna try it?”
“That’s
right. I’ve killed women and children. I’ve killed just about everything that
walks or crawled at one time or another. And I’m here to kill you, Little Bill,
for what you did to Ned.”
“Hail to the
king, baby.”
“The devil
is among us. Stay back, boy. This calls for divine intervention! I kick ass for
the Lord!”
“For within
the pages of the Necronomicon lie the very secrets of the universe both past
and future.”
“We are
human beings. Plural. Each of us is two separate beings. Now, there’s the outer
being, the one we show to the world at large. Inhibited, timid, often a
pathological liar. And then there’s the inner being. The truthful one.
Passionate, uninhibited, even lustful. Most of us keep that inner being hidden
away, locked up. He doesn’t have to do that. He doesn’t have to hide it. He
doesn’t have to keep it from anything. He can let it out, bring it out into the
open, let it live, let it breathe. Hell, he can let it party, man. Give it the
car keys in let it ride! In fact, he has to do that. It’s essential. The writer
has to let that inner being out of the lock-up. He has to let it have a voice
in his work, otherwise the work itself will be inhibited, timid, without
passion. It’ll be a pack of lies.”
“You really
must excuse me if I don’t join you, but I have already dined, and I never drink
. . . wine.”
“Forgive me,
Lord. I have to sin.”
“However it
happens, once the story dies, the evil is set free.”
“What of my
soul? Do I have one? Or is that the part you left out? Who were these people of
which I am comprised? Good people? Bad people?”
“Miss Webb,
I have been to hundreds of houses, countless seances, and I have never yet seen
something that can’t be explained in rational terms. The people I have met all
have one thing in common: pain.”
“Those acts
of God really stick it in and break it off, don’t they?”
“This is
reality. Hear that? Reality.”
“There are
two worlds of magic. One is the glittering domain of the illusionist. The other
is a secret place, where magic is a terrifying reality. Here, men have the
power of demons, and Death itself is an illusion.”
“This is
bullshit, Mark. Reality, bullshit. Bullshit, reality. Bullshit.”
“I didn’t
kill her. I fucked her, okay?”
“Me? I’m
just another chunk of meat lost in brain land.”
“I’m being
erased!”
“My body is
a roadmap of pain.”
“Oh sure. He
came back from the dead, he raped her and bit her to death. Is that what he
did?”
“Rednecks.
Just ‘cause us good ol’ boys like to stick it to our sisters every now and then
does not give you a reason to oppress us. Redneck Zombies. Shit. My neck ain’t
red. You call a member of the undead a zombie, why, that’s like callin’ an
Eye-talian a dago!”
“I hope you
don’t mind me slicing you across the face like that. It’s just I get so sick
of, you know, stomachs and chests.”
“Give me the
power, I beg of you!”
“We must all
go through a rite of passage. And it must be physical. It must be painful. And
it must leave a mark.”
“The
creature remains undiscovered.”
“Yet legend
tells a different story, one whose evidence is all around us, etched in stone.”
“I see dead
people.”
“Does it
hurt to be dead?”
“I am not
your monster!”
“To a new
world of—!”
“Look! It’s
moving. It’s alive. It’s alive. It’s alive. It’s moving. It’s alive. IT’S
ALIVE! IT’S ALIVE! IT’S ALIVE! IT’S ALIVE! In the name of God, now I know what
it feels like to be God!”
“To a new
world of gods and monsters!”
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