THE JOHN BRUNI MUSEUM OF MEDIOCRE (AT BEST) SHIT #52: HEART OF STRANGENESS

[This one is maybe a little better than mediocre, so maybe it doesn't belong here, but what the hell? I wrote this one many years ago. I might have been in my last year of college. I don't usually turn my dreams into stories, but this dream was too good. Too odd. Too strange. I had to write it out. And I didn't add anything. This is my dream, pure and simple. Well, maybe not simple. I'm sure Freud would have loved this.]

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

I look up from the Styrofoam floater. Steve’s eyes are wild, and his hair is messed up from constantly running shaky fingers through it.

“We’ve got to,” I said.

He knows I’m right, but he still won’t budge. “These waters are home to a lot of deadly creatures. I don’t think these kiddie floaters will keep us safe.”

“We have to cross this lake,” I insist.

“You’re the boss,” he shrugs.

I look down at the Styrofoam floater again, and I wish for something better. Steve is right. This is a ludicrous thing to do, but I can’t stop now.

Steve gets in first, the floater under his chest so he can move quietly. He does a good job, making only a slight splash with his arms. I notice he’s not even using his feet.

I follow his example. As soon as I’m in, I feel the underwater plants tickle my legs. At first I think they’re fish, and I get a little nervous, but I get used to it quickly. The floater tries to slide out from under me, but my chin holds it in place long enough for me to straighten it out.

As we get toward the middle of the lake, I start seeing floating logs with eyes that watch Steve and me.

I can finally see the other side, but there is little rejoice. There are a lot of little creatures with huge claws and teeth in addition to saucer-like eyes. As we get closer, they start to circle around us. We continue moving, expecting an attack at any moment. The circling creatures move with us, but they don’t get in the way.

I can see the pier up ahead, but it’s not like any pier I’ve ever seen. For starters, it is higher than usual, probably about ten feet above water level. It also has a roof and walls, both wooden, making it look like a hallway to board a plane. A ladder is attached to the side.

I feel a sudden tickle at my feet, and I realize the circle of creatures has grown smaller. Worse, my floater is sinking. I know it’s not possible, but it is happening to me. I don’t know if we are in shallow water. If those creatures are on the surface, I shudder to think of the horror movie monsters that could be under me.

“Steve,” I whisper, but the only answer I get is a shushing sound. I see Steve reaching for the ladder, letting the floater slip out from under him. Within moments, he is climbing the ladder.

Water fills my mouth, and I spit it out as quickly as I can. Who knows what filth inhabits this lake?

The floater sinks beneath me. I flail for the ladder, and I manage to snag it before sinking an inch. The sudden movement agitates the creatures, and they close around me, slashing with their claws. I am quick, though, and I’m halfway up the ladder before they can get me.

When I reach the top, Steve helps me up. “I’ll be damned. We actually made it.”

I nod, not trusting my voice to be steady.

“From here on in, you’re on your own,” he says. “Good luck.”

For a moment, I can see through Steve, and then he fades away. I really don’t want to do this alone, but I know I have to.

I run down the wooden hallway to the door at the end. I open it, and to my surprise, instead of seeing a landscape, I see stairs leading down. I rush down them, but as I go, I realize that I’m in my grandmother’s house, and I’m heading down to her basement. I reach the bottom, and I see the television is on. I don’t know what the movie is, but it’s in black and white.

“Turn up the TV, honey,” Grandma says. She sits on a chair and is intent on the movie. I quickly turn it up a few notches before turning to the washer and dryer, where I see yet another tunnel, but this one is much smaller. I get on my hands and knees, feeling the cold and grit on my palms. The going is rough at first, but when I finally come out, I find myself in what looks like a hospital hallway. I hate hospitals. I hate the way they make people look slimy. Patients have shining faces and seaweed hair, and that’s only for appearances. Imagine the sickness that festers in them.

This hospital is different. The doors are solid steel, and there are windows at the top of each. These must be cells, and if that was the case, this is where they’re keeping Starshine.

I start looking through the windows, but the rooms are empty. I’m starting to think this is a lost cause.

Wait! As I peer through one of the windows, I see Starshine playing with her golden hair, which cascades down her shoulders, and her small, curved frame catches my eyes.

My hand goes to the door knob and throws the door open. I wonder why it’s not locked, but I don’t care. I finally have Starshine back.

“Starshine!” I cry, but my celebrations are too soon. Her eyes go white, and her mouth opens, revealing crocodile teeth. She roars like a lion as she lunges forward. Her claws barely miss opening my belly as I backpedal through the door, slamming it shut behind me. I hear the door thump loudly, and I see her monstrous face pressing against the window.

“Let me out,” she growls, but I walk on, continuing my search for the real Starshine.

As I turn down another hallway, I see Tommy, Starshine’s boyfriend. He is dressed in a guard’s uniform, and I can see he has no eyes. He moves silently, and I can tell he’s listening for me. I stand still and watch as he makes his way down the hallway slowly. When he’s about six feet away from me, he stops. His face turns toward me, and for a moment I think that he sees me despite his lack of eyes. He sniffs at the air, and I back up against the wall. I don’t know if I can take him.

He takes a cautious step forward, and I feel certain he has found me. I’m about to lash out at him when he walks past me. I breathe a sigh of relief as he continues down the hallway until I can’t see him anymore.

I continue on my own way, still looking through cell windows until I finally find my beloved once again. Instead of haphazardly opening the door, this time I knock on the window. Starshine looks up from her cot, and her face spreads in a grin.

“Paul!” she cries out as she runs to the window. “You’ve come for me!”

I am satisfied it is her. I grab the knob and turn it. Again, it is unlocked. Or maybe it is unlocked for people outside the door and locked for people inside the door. I don’t know. There must be some logic, right?

As soon as the door is open, she leaps across the threshold and wraps around me, bathing me in kisses.

“You wouldn’t believe the things Tommy did to me.”

“It’s all right,” I tell her. “I’m here now.”

Leaving is actually easier than getting in. All it takes is a simple run down the halls and a crawl back into the utility room.

“We made it,” Starshine says as she kisses me again.

I push the washer against the secret passage in case Tommy tries to follow us.

“Let’s go watch TV with my grandma,” I tell her, and she agrees. As we sit down next to Grandma, a new movie is coming on. Vertigo.

“What kind of movie is this?” I ask.

Starshine leans into me to whisper in my ear, “I’m sure you’ll like it.”