WIZARD WORLD CHICAGO 2013 ARTISTS ALLEY: TALK!

This is probably the most unexpected find in Artists Alley in a long time.  TALK! is meta-fiction at its finest.  This book is self aware, and the characters know they are in a comic book.  By all rights, this should be the most boring book EVER WRITTEN.  The main story is about a guy telling a friend about a comic book he wants to write.  That’s it.  Ah, but add the self-awareness, and this turns into a work of genius.  The layouts are amazing and unlike anything you’ve ever seen before.  And then there is the occasional ACTION-PACKED PAGE!!  This book shows what comics are really capable of.  Buy this mindfuck as soon as possible.

WIZARD WORLD CHICAGO 2013 ARTISTS ALLEY: WAYWARD

You won’t find a creepier horror book in Artists Alley than this one.  A group of wayward youths are sent to the Simon Corporation only to be confronted by some very frightening disgruntled spirits.  To say anything more than that would be criminal.  This is the kind of story you need to discover for yourself, to feel the dread just seep over your entire being.  The ending of the final issue is awesome beyond belief.  You should pick these books up right away.

WIZARD WORLD CHICAGO 2013 ARTISTS ALLEY: BACHELOR PAD MAGAZINE

“Booze, Babes, and Burly-Q,” proclaims the top of every issue of BACHELOR PAD MAGAZINE.  How the fuck could I pass this up?  It comes off as the younger, hornier brother of MODERN DRUNKARD MAGAZINE.  Sure, this is a girlie mag, but all the pictures are very tasteful.  They’re not nudes, they’re burlesque.  Not only that, but they have articles about how to make great cocktails, in addition to where you can experience good, booze-soaked noir films.  There are advice columns and interviews with legendary burlesque dancers and, of course, fiction about leggy dames and the drunkards who love them.  To top it all off, they seem to have an obsession with the fez.  If you see them at a convention, be sure to pick up the Red Fez and Smoking Jacket collection.  It’s a bit pricey, but it’s fun.

WIZARD WORLD CHICAGO 2013 ARTISTS ALLEY: MISERERI NOBIS

The title is Latin for “have mercy on us,” and I can think of nothing better to call this book.  Misery and despair are what fuels this one, and it is so beautifully, heart-breakingly done, it’s truly a wonder to behold.  The blurb on the back says, “This is a story of loss, pain, fear, loneliness, shame, and hope.”  I’ll be damned if I can find the part about hope, though.  This will depress the shit out of you . . . but in a good way.  This is a satisfying tale, and in some parts, it might remind you of ERASERHEAD.  I’ve said before that writer and illustrator Mat Festa isn’t the greatest when it comes to illustrating people, but when it comes to otherworldly things, no one is better.  There are some masterful, dreamy sequences in this one.  Do not miss it!

(PS:  I know I'm behind on this one.  It's just that for the life of me, I can't remember ever seeing this one at his table before.)

WIZARD WORLD CHICAGO 2013 ARTISTS ALLEY: YI SOON SHIN

This is probably the most educational books you’ll pick up in Artists Alley.  It’s the story of a Korean general named Yi Soon Shin, and how he stood up to the Japanese in the 16^th Century.  It’s full of factual information about a guy you’ve probably never heard of before.  The first issue is kind of a struggle to get through, but after that, the historical quality falls away, and it almost becomes a DEADWOOD-ish version of what happened back then.  It’s an interesting story, if you’re interested in the past.  If you liked CRECY by Warren Ellis, you might like this.

WIZARD WORLD CHICAGO 2013 ARTISTS ALLEY: THE (PICK YOUR OWN) ADVENTURES OF ROILY GEMSTONE

I have Leo Perez to thank for this one.  I don’t know how I missed it when I was at the convention.  If I had seen something that warned me that “this book may cause diarrhea and wet dreams (at the same time),” I would have certainly picked it up.  Not only that, but it’s a parody of CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURES.  I mean, come on.  It’s an autobiography.  You can’t have a “pick your own adventure” autobiography.  This book is pure genius!  Some of the choices you have are incredibly awesome.  Check this one out:

“If Roily first opens the letter from his long lost dad, go to section 7.  If Roily first opens the Publisher’s Clearinghouse junk mail letter, go to section 25.  But don’t say I didn’t warn you.  This second plot is worthless, shitty, and goes nowhere!”

Or how about this one?

“If you want to read a lot more bullshit, go to section 27.  If you want to quickly end this meaningless story, go to section 35.”

Sometimes, the choice is whether or not Roily should take a shit, or if he should try to get laid.  But no matter what you choose, you will come to dread section 8.  Because surprise!  This book NEVER ENDS!  It just loops over and over again.  This is incredible!  You need to check this one out as soon as possible.  Best of all, Roily actually has songs online!  Check it out here.

WIZARD WORLD CHICAGO 2013 ARTISTS ALLEY: CAPTAIN ARTICHOKE #1

“He has the mind of a man . . . and the heart of an artichoke.”  OK, this book looks pretty silly on the cover, but when you open up to the first page, things are pretty intense.  When we first meet Captain Artichoke, he’s covered with blood and surrounded by hookers.  That’s actually pretty cool.  Ryan Patrick and John Hoban do an excellent job of telling this origin story with just the right measurement of humor and action.  This guy should have been a Troma superhero.  Great stuff.

A NOTE ON WIZARD WORLD CHICAGO 2013 COVERAGE

As most of you know by now, Wizard World turned down my press pass for 2013.  This enraged me quite a bit, and as a result, I said that I wouldn't be covering that stupid fucking convention this year.  However, I realize that this might hinder the people in Artists Alley, and they don't deserve to be shit on like that.  So here's my compromise:  there will be no coverage, and there will be no formal reviews.  However, if I picked up a book in Artists Alley that I really enjoyed, I'll plug it here.  Cool?


I'm going to try one last time for a press pass for C2E2 next year.  If they don't give it to me, then I'm going to retire my coverage of comic book conventions.  It sucks, but cons cost waaaay too much money to cover them on my own dime.  As it turns out, I've discovered horror cons are a lot of fun.  Flashback doesn't offer press passes, so I won't be covering them, but Days of the Dead is coming up in Schaumburg in November.  They DO offer press passes, so I'm thinking if I can score one, I'll start covering that con instead.  (That is, I will if I don't wind up stepping on Forced Viewing's toes.)


EDIT:  I should mention that I'm making an exception for MISERABLE AMERICANS.  Since practically nothing came out last week, I didn't get anything I could review for Wednesday.  I decided to go with MISERABLE AMERICANS because I'd never heard of the guy who does it before.

C2E2 2013 WRAP-UP

It’s no secret that over the years, I’ve come to favor C2E2 over Wizard World Chicago each and every time.  As a result, I felt betrayed when I was notified that C2E2 would not be granting me a press pass for 2013.  It hurt pretty badly, especially considering how fucking expensive it is to get into this thing for the whole weekend.  But when I thought more about it, I wasn’t quite so pissed.  Last year, I got sick on the first day, so I was only able to use what precious little material I was able to gather on Friday of the 2012 show.  While I think it’s unfair (because I spent the weekend in the ER being pumped full of fluids, anti-nausea medicine, and Dilaudid, which was not fun, rather than hanging out at C2E2 with my friends, meeting people, and going to panels, which is fun), I can see why they turned me down.

So I made it my personal mission this year to gather as much info as I could and write as many articles as I could muster.  Hence the incredibly long list of C2E2 coverage this year.  Seriously.  You just read seven weeks of C2E2 coverage.  If this doesn’t earn me a press pass for 2014, fucking nothing will.

I’m sorry to say that Friday seemed kind of lackluster.  I’d brought my friend, Fitz, along for the ride this year, and it was his first convention ever.  It was cool to watch his reaction to the whole thing, but I could tell even he was a bit disappointed.  He got to meet Laurie Holden, who plays Andrea on THE WALKING DEAD.  He actually brought a photo of her on the set of the MAGNIFICENT SEVEN TV show, which she probably found absolutely ludicrous.  As we walked away, he told me she was the first celebrity he’d ever actually talked to.  He was with me when I met James Cosmo and Natalie Dormer, but Holden was his First.

He handled it pretty well.  I remember when I met my first celebrity, which left me a bit starstruck, but after all of these years, it never strikes me anymore.

Anyway, Fitz was really hoping to meet Ron Perlman (and so was I, a bit), but the line was always too long, or he just wasn’t there.  Fitz felt the same way about the guy who played the Green Power Ranger, but the line was way longer than anyone expected.

Fitz had hung his hopes on meeting a lot of people, but as it turns out, most of them decided to only show up on Saturday.  He even wanted to meet J. Michael Straczynski because of the writer’s involvement with THE REAL GHOSTBUSTERS cartoon, but that turned out to be a no-go.  I think Fitz had a good time taking in the experience, but when it came to meeting celebrities, he was let down.  I was, too.  Friday was kind of a bust.

The highlight was introducing Fitz to Jon Lennon.  Here’s the thing:  Jon tried to get a table in Artists Alley, and they turned him down.  Sure, all of the tables were taken, but there was a ton of room for more tables.  They could have fit him and Mat Festa and anyone else who had requested to PAY for a table.  I could see them turning down a press pass for me, but to turn away PAYING ARTISTS?  That was lame.

It was also great to see Leo Perez, Kevin Bandt, Z.M. Thomas, and a few other Artists Alley friends (although surprisingly enough, I didn’t get to see Kurt Dinse until Sunday).  Josh Filer showed up the next day, so it was fun shooting the shit with him.  It was great to find out that he’s been telling people about all the horrendous stories I’ve told him in regards to my life.  The burn victim story, as portrayed in an issue of PRODUCT OF SOCIETY, seems to be a favorite.  I wished I could have gotten drunk with them on Saturday night, but by that point, I’d been fucked up beyond all belief.  I was ready to collapse.  I was still fucked up on Sunday.  Guys:  when Wizard World Chicago comes around, I promise to get drunk with you.  I have more fucked up stories about my life to tell.  Since the StrangeHouse guys will be there, maybe I can get all of you together for an evening of absolute lunacy.

My favorite part of any convention is hanging out with my Artists Alley friends, but this year I only got to stop by a couple of times.  I was too busy getting material for my C2E2 coverage, meeting celebrities, getting interviews, going to panels, etc.  I also had to dedicate some time to picking up a few books for my collection, like the most recent volume of THE GOON.  I was missing a few issues of SAGA, which I promptly bought.  Much to my surprise, Avatar’s new CALIGULA series had begun.  I guess my comic book shop must have missed it, so I got the four issues they’ve released so far (and yes, it’s fucking intense and crazy).

One of my big regrets is not getting a pulp magazine this year.  Every convention, I at least buy one, but not this year.  I couldn’t find a place selling them.  I’m sure there was one somewhere, but I don’t think I would have been able to afford it, anyway.  I spent the last of my money on something far more cooler than a pulp magazine:  a sketch from John McCrea.

Oh, you want to see it?  We’re almost there.  Hang on just a while longer.

I don’t regret the pulp thing too much, though.  My comic book shop now has a section for pulp magazines, and I’ve got a bunch on my pile, so that satisfies at least a part of my collecting OCD.

What surprised me the most was how busy it was on Sunday.  I expected it to be packed on Saturday, so I got there as early as my hangover would allow.  I still wound up parking on the roof, and it was in a handicapped space.  (What?  Don’t look at me like that.  The parking attendant TOLD ME to park there.)  On Sunday, I wound up on the roof again, but all the handicapped spots were taken.  The attendants were making up parking spots, and one of them directed me to such a non-existent space.

But even after a good night’s rest (and no hangover), on Sunday I still felt like collapsing.  I left a bit early, two hours from closing time.  I think I might be getting too old for this shit.

Either that, or I’ve finally gotten too fat for conventions.  Anyone who has seen me at one of these things can attest to how out of breath and sweaty I get, and that’s when I’m in fairly good shape.  This leads me to my next problem.

Will I get my press pass back for C2E2 2014?  I hope so . . . but I’ve decided that if I don’t get it, I’m going to give up.  These things are taking too much of a toll on me.  Besides, I’ve pretty much interviewed everyone I want to interview by this point.  There are two on my list that I want, and I know I’ll never get them:  Garth Ennis and William Christensen.  I’ve tried for the former the few times I’ve seen him, and the latter has apologetically turned me down ever since I first saw him at a con several years ago (being editor-in-chief of Avatar during a con is a pretty busy job, so I understand).

I’ve also had to face facts:  I’m not that great of an interviewer.  I’ve found that I can handle myself pretty well as an interviewee, but when I’m asking questions, I think I’m just mediocre.  I’ve only ever done a handful of great interviews, and they are as follows:  Jon Lennon and Leo Perez at the same time, Josh Filer, Jason Yungbluth, and this year’s John McCrea.  (There was also the interview Leo Perez and I did with Brian Azzarello, which was really good, but it was more Leo than me on that one.)  Those felt more like conversations rather than interviews, and that’s the way it should be.

If C2E2 gives me back my press pass, I will definitely do all the things that would require of me, but if they don’t . . . I guess I’ll just go for one day.  Whichever day has the most panels I want to sit in on will be the winner.  I’ll cover them, of course, because that’s fun, and I’ll review whatever I pick up in Artists Alley . . . although I’m starting to think some of you don’t believe the disclaimers I post for all the books I review that are written and/or illustrated by my Artists Alley friends.  Even they probably don’t believe me on some level, and saying otherwise will convince no one.

I’m pretty sure that Wizard World Chicago will grant me a press pass, and I’ll cover the shit out of it.  It’s just not as exhausting as C2E2 is, which may be what is killing it for me.

Even though Friday was disappointing, the other two days completely made it up for me.  The whole excursion was worth it.  It was great meeting so many new people, so many new creators, and hanging out with old friends that I know I couldn’t pass up another such opportunity.  C2E2 is still as fun as it was the first year, and it shows no signs of diminishing.  If you have the chance to go for 2014, I say do it.  I’ll be there.

I might be, as Robert Browning said near the end of “Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came,” “the last of me, a living frame/for one more picture” by the time you see me, but I will still be there.

And now the moment you’ve all been waiting for.  I can’t tell you how much this sketch of Tommy and Natt from HITMAN means to me.  It is now one of my most prized possessions.  These characters have long been gone from the DCU, but for just a brief second, whenever I hold this sketch, they’re alive again.  I now present it to you as my final word on C2E2 2013: