COOL SHIT 4-5-12

DICKS #3: I’m sorry, I said I was not going to talk about this book, but I won’t take up too much of your time. Seriously, just look at the cover. If you don’t find that it’s enough to get you to read this book, then fuck you. Just . . . fuck you.

G.I. JOE: INFESTATION 2 #2: I feel so grossed out that I like something in this stupid INFESTATION cross-over. But . . . I can’t help but like how they’re using characters like Serpentor and Crystal Ball. I’ve never really cared for Storm Shadow, but this issue makes some very good points in his favor. And honestly, GI Joe could have sat this one out. We don’t need them here. Cobra could have done this on their own. Snake Eyes seems to make an obligatory appearance. Anyway, it’s over now. I stand by my opinion of INFESTATION, but I will make an exception for this very small mini-series under its wing.

COBRA COMMAND: G.I. JOE #12: Here we have the aftermath of the most recent IDW series. Cobra Commander has exerted his absolute mastery over the heroin industry that he’s certain to indefinitely fund his terrorist organization. Hawk gets fired, and G.I. Joe gets their funding cut. Things are looking pretty grim for our heroes. Not only that, but everyone thinks Snake Eyes is dead. Us readers know the truth, but still. I can’t wait to see what these guys do with this title next.

THE BOYS #65: This. Is. It. I’ve been waiting for this moment since issue one. This is easily the greatest issue of this book EVER. Butcher vs. the Homelander, except . . . it’s nothing like I thought it would be. The Homelander isn’t quite what he seems, and neither is Black Noir, which is the true surprise. My mind was certainly blown by it, so I don’t want to ruin it for anyone. Those of you who have read this issue know what I’m talking about. I am absolutely shocked that this is not the last issue. All of the conflicts have been resolved. Where the fuck can Ennis go from here? My absolute favorite part is when Butcher breaks down, apologizing to his dead wife for everything that he’s done . . . and even more so, for what he’s ABOUT TO DO. What the fuck is he talking about?! SIX ISSUES TO GO.

COOL SHIT 11-17-11

THE STAND: THE NIGHT HAS COME #4: Holy shit. I didn’t think they’d get to this point so fast. Larry, Glen, and Ralph have gotten to Las Vegas, and Randall Flagg is ready to publicly execute them in one of my favorite literary scenes of all time. Artist Mike Perkins nails it. The man is fucking amazing. When the Trashcan Man arrives with the a-bomb, the Hand of God looks far more awesome than the cheesy piece of shit in the movie. The look of tired resignation on Flagg’s face when he realizes how fucked he is is priceless. And the look on Larry’s face in the last moments of his life is just . . . wow. See it to believe it.

THE BIONIC MAN #4: I’ve never cared much for the Bionic Man. I wouldn’t even be reading it if not for Kevin Smith’s involvement. However, I find myself enjoying this book more and more with each issue. The story the doctor tells about the dog in this issue is just amazing. But the truly interesting thing is how they change Steve Austin. The science of rebuilding him is disclosed here, and it’s impressive. This Bionic Man can do a lot more than the original from the ‘Seventies.

THE WALKING DEAD #91: Wow. The one thing I did not expect was Rick to reject Andrea’s advances. I think they’d be perfect for each other, but it seems that Rick has noticed that his love interests tend to have short life spans. He thinks he’s saving Andrea’s life by not fucking her. Odd, but I can see it. In the meantime, I think Eric is awesome. Him and a bunch of others go out to forage for supplies, and what does he do? He grabs a bottle of 20 year old Scotch and keeps his mouth shut about it so he can share it with his boyfriend. How cool is that?

BUTCHER, BAKER, CANDLESTICKMAKER #5: I swear, I’m not just mentioning this book to keep my Ennis streak going. This is the issue where we find out how Mallory recruited Butcher into the Boys. How could I not mention something so important? But even more so, this is the issue where Butcher reads his wife’s diary and finds out why she died: the Homelander raped her. And since Ennis is a capable storyteller (and a gentleman to boot), he doesn’t go into the lurid details. She can’t bring herself to write about the actual act itself, but the psychological results are . . . horrifying. Cool shit, indeed.

COOL SHIT 10-20-11

SUPERIOR #6: Remember how I said in last week’s review of SUPERIOR #5 how Millar has an actual heart? It has never shown through more than in this issue. As young Simon finds himself back to the way he was, he is given a day to decide whether or not to sell his soul. You see, Ormon is desperate for his soul. If he doesn’t get it, he’s going to be dismissed to the deepest depths of Hell. Now that Simon finds himself realizing how much love he has in the world, even though he’s not really Superior, Ormon feels the need to hedge his bets. Read it to see for yourself.

THE BIONIC MAN #3: At first I was skeptical of this one. Do we really have to keep bringing shit back from the dead? In all honesty, I don’t even care about Steve Austin. But . . . well, Kevin Smith wrote it, so of course I’m going to give it a try. Sure enough, just like with GREEN HORNET, too much of Smith’s style shines through. But at the same time, he knows when to back off and let the story tell itself. I’m sure a lot of old time fans would feel their stomachs churn when they see all that remains of Austin’s body after his awful plane crash. And of course he doesn’t want to be rebuilt. He just wants to die. Smith brings a lot of common sense to a larger than life story.

HELLBLAZER #284: How can things get even more fucked up in John Constantine’s life? His control over magic continues to spiral out of control while his purloined trenchcoat gets into a bit of trouble on its own. Any long time reader of this series will feel absolute horror at the final page of this issue. After all this time on Constantine’s shoulders, is the trenchcoat really going up in smoke?

BUTCHER, BAKER, CANDLESTICKMAKER #4: How much you wanna’ bet I’m not going to mention Garth Ennis next week? Never mind. Anyway, once again, we get a rare glimpse of Butcher in love. It truly is a sight to behold, especially for those of us who are used to him being a hard bastard. But even more shocking is the end of this issue. We heard about what happened when the Homelander raped Butcher’s wife and she gave birth to his unnatural child. Now we actually get to see what happened. I want to tell you all about it so bad, but . . . fuck it. I can’t. It’ll ruin the book for you. Needless to say, it is one of the craziest scenes ever put to the page. If you don’t read this book, you’re fucking nuts. Or you have a soul. Whatever.