GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #615: TWITTER NOTICES

A stupid man with a stupid grin and a stupid sink.

 Since Elon Musk's regime began at Twitter I've caught two sensitive content warnings. That's odd, considering that I never post nudity or real life violence. So I've looked around a bit, and I've found not just nudity but hardcore pornography without sensitive content warnings. I'm talking dick in pussy insertion shots, here. I haven't found any real life violence, though, so I can't speak to that.

What were my notices regarding? The first one was for a video of me reading my short story, "Monster Cock 2." There is no nudity in that. There is adult language, of course, and all I typed into the post was something about how you should get some Monster Cock in you, referring to the story. That's it.

The second one was for posting a link to my book, Dong of Frankenstein and Other Pornos You Can't Jerk It To. It was a link to Amazon, so once again, no nudity. And I caught a notice for that.

So that's fucking annoying. On the one hand I'm kind of proud that I offended the delicate sensibilities of the people in charge of the most wretched hive of scum and villainy this side of Mos Eisley. But at the same time, I wonder how many people didn't get to see the video or the link.

I will say that during the appeal process they eventually overturned their decision on the "Monster Cock 2" notice, which is better than Facebook. The Facebook algorithm simply does not give a fuck, and it has no human oversight. I caught a ban once for posting a meme with a topless cartoon character in it. The character? Bobby Hill from King of the Hill.

They also banned me from making video calls for a month because I quoted an episode of Supernatural. I don't remember the exact quote, but it was some biker dude who said it. Castiel was trying to persuade him to let him use the public phone, and the biker said something along the lines of how he's going to finish his call, and then he's going to stab Cass. The Facebook algorithm took it as me threatening someone, so I wasn't allowed to use the call feature. Not that I ever do, anyway, but still. 

Essentially, this is all stupid, but I don't care in the long run. However, I can't help but notice that certain Republicans are taking Twitter to task for banning them before stupid Musk showed up with that stupid grin and a stupid sink. To see these children whine at a fucking Congressional hearing was mindblowing. Holy shit. MTG even said that they were violating her 1st Amendment rights.

I wish more people in Congress would actually read the Constitution so they actually understood it. The 1st Amendment only prohibits the government from stifling someone's free speech. Twitter (or, say, newspapers, if we're being more considerate of the era in which the amendment was written) can do whatever the fuck they want. Don't even get me started on my belief that overturning Roe v Wade is a violation of the 9th Amendment. Come to think of it, Supreme Court justices should read the Constitution, too.

As with all things the Republicans do, they usually accuse the Democrats of doing the very same thing that they, the Republicans, are actually doing. Trump actually wanted Twitter to remove a Tweet criticizing him. I do love that the Tweet in question, from Chrissy Teigen, was read into the Congressional record so that future generations will be aware of what a "pussy ass bitch" Donald J. Trump was.

PS: I guess those Republicans outraged over Twitter taking down nonconsensual nudes of Hunter Biden really like jerking off to nonconsensual nudes of Hunter Biden.

EVERYONE'S GOT ONE #30: TWEETING TALES

Before we begin, I have a confession to make: I haven’t read anything by David Mitchell. I hear a lot of good things about his work from people I respect. I have CLOUD ATLAS on my reading list, but I don’t know when I’m going to get to it. But what I just said is almost not true anymore, at least not as of July 15, 2014, because Mitchell is doing something rather interesting on his Twitter feed: he’s tweeting a short story, 140 characters at a time.

The idea appeals to me directly as a writer. I’m constantly trying to think of new ways to tell tales. Some of my experiments succeed (see “Unkillable” in MORPHEUS TALES and “Amber” in TALES OF QUESTIONABLE TASTE for these), but most fail (take a look in my drawer for these, if you can get past me first). Putting a story out through Twitter is a very fascinating idea, so you can imagine I looked it up right away to see what it was like.

First of all, I like Mitchell’s style. From what I’ve seen so far, I like what he’s doing. Yet . . . maybe it’s a bit soon for me to talk about this story, since it’s not finished yet, but so far I don’t think it’s living up to its potential. Right now, I think it’s coming off as a gimmick, nothing more.

What the story needs is a reason to be told through Twitter. I lucked out: I came to it a bit late in the game, so I was able to read a good chunk of it back to back. For those reading it as each tweet comes out? I don’t think it would be a very good reading experience. It reminds me a bit of Warren Ellis and Jason Howard’s SCATTERLANDS experiment. They were telling a comic book story by posting one panel every day. Again, a wonderful idea, but flawed.

Mitchell’s story suffers from the same problem that SCATTERLANDS does: it is unnecessarily divided in the way that it is. Perhaps I would get more of a kick out of it if Twitter was actually involved in the plot. Or if the protagonist lived in a world where people could only speak in 140-character increments. Or something. I know those are lame examples (which is why I haven’t gotten a lot of attention with a Twitter story of my own), but you get the idea.

Have you ever watched a TV version of a movie? The ones edited for time and content? Something’s always off about them. That’s because the network has to edit them down so they fit into perfect 13 minute increments. Or 15. Or whatever. Because of that, it fucks with the flow of the movie. It’s kind of like listening to a song when the bass player is out of phase with everyone else.

You can’t take, say, a novel and cut it up into 20-page increments and just post it like that. Mitchell’s story just seems like it was cut into those 140-character pieces just because that’s what Twitter demands. He’s the bass player, and he’s out of phase with the reader.

Not only that, but based on the delivery system, it makes things really hard for a reader. Say it’s been a while since you could check back with the story. All of a sudden, you find that you have to go back and read the previous entries because something might have slipped your mind. Or you start to wonder if you missed something. That feeling that you’re Donny in THE BIG LEBOWSKI starts to set in.

I had that problem with SCATTERLANDS constantly. It’s hard to get a cohesive idea of story, and when that happens, it’s easy for a reader to feel alienated from what’s going on. Sometimes, it feels like having a conversation with someone who doesn’t recognize and understand social cues.

I never want to make it hard for my readers. That’s not to say I don’t write complex things with action between the lines and implications that might need deductive thinking. That’s all good, and I enjoy that. What I mean is, I don’t want my readers to have the impression that they’re reading something.

I’m not stupid, and neither are my readers. Every reader EVER knows with 100% certainty that they’re reading something someone made up. But for me, the cardinal sin is letting the readers feel that truth. I want them to be so lost in my words that they forget they’re reading a book.

This isn’t working for Mitchell’s story. Based on the delivery system, it might be impossible. I don’t want to believe it is, though. There’s got to be someone out there who can make this medium work as a way of believably telling fiction. The idea is just too good to let go.

I end most of these things asking you all if you think I’m full of shit. Despite getting a significant number of Everyone’s Got One readers, no one ever does this. I can’t be right all the time . . . can I? Let me know in the comments below.

TALES OF QUESTIONABLE TASTE IS FREE ON KINDLE THIS WEEK! ALSO, SHARE THIS IMAGE FOR A CHANCE TO WIN A PAPERBACK COPY!

If you follow me on Twitter but not on Facebook, this has been making the rounds of Facebook yesterday. I want everyone to not only share the news that this book is for free this week on Kindle, but I also want to make sure everyone gets a chance to win an actual physical copy. Please start sharing the above image on Facebook. StrangeHouse is watching . . .


And what the hell? Why not give out more free shit? If you get TALES OF QUESTIONABLE TASTE on Kindle (or if you're one of the lucky few who win a paperback copy), please review it on Amazon or Goodreads or, if you're really awesome, review it on your blog. Send me a link, and I'll send you a PDF of my first novel, STRIP, for FREE. That's right. Free. My second favorite four letter F-word.

#TeamStrangeHouse

EVERYONE'S GOT ONE #15: SOCIETY OF WHORES

I remember a while ago, a lot of my friends were getting excited over an online social network called MySpace, and they were practically begging me to join. I showed a great deal of reluctance, mostly because I’m not too big a fan of the Internet. I don’t even have it at home right now. I just use my connection at work and at the library. Back then, I mostly used it for email, which even I have recognized as a day-to-day important technology.



Most people use the Internet for porn, or for pictures of cute kitties. To each their own.


I’ve come around slightly since then, but that’s not what I’m here to talk about. Many of you know that my friends eventually talked me into joining MySpace, and I did recognize its potential as a way to get to know people. To be entertained. And also, to entertain.


But one day . . . MySpace didn’t seem quite so important. Everyone was talking about Facebook instead. Why? What happened to make MySpace an online graveyard?


Has anyone been back to MySpace lately? Just to see what’s going on? Or even out of morbid curiosity? I have. Anyone else who has, as well, knows what the problem is. Who else is still hanging around MySpace on a regular basis? Whores. MySpace is a society of whores, and that’s where things went wrong.


I’m not talking about spammers. I’m talking about something even more insidious. Let me tell you how things went down for me, and we can compare notes afterward.


I decided, when I joined MySpace as Tusitala (for purposes of my magazine, TABARD INN), that I would befriend anyone who sought me out, provided they weren’t spammers and they were 18 or over. (I only ever broke my second rule twice, and they were exceptions for family members.)


I learned a lot about other publications through MySpace, and as a result, I managed to get published in a few other magazines. Pretty cool, right? I made friends with a lot of fellow writers, many of whom were really nice folks. But then . . . there were a few other writers I noticed who weren’t really interested in making friends.


They were interested in making sales. You know the kind of people I’m talking about. The only time they ever sent out bulletins or posted blogs was when they were trying to sell something.


Don’t get me wrong. I’ve promoted stuff through social networks. There’s nothing wrong with that. But when it’s the ONLY thing you do? That makes me suspicious. Also, a bit nauseous. I’m supposed to be talking to people online, not marketing robots.


So when my friends started trying to convince me to join Facebook instead, I gave in. Fuck it, right? Except this time, I decided that I would only befriend people who were actually interested in having fun and getting a laugh out of the online society. No more acceptance of people who were interested only in pimping their shit.


As a result, my use of Facebook (and Twitter, when it comes to that) has been a lot happier.


However, I’m starting to notice something that threatens the haven of Facebook and Twitter. More and more, companies are using social networks to advertise. They offer deals to people only if they send a friend request on Facebook. Get fifty-percent off if you follow us on Twitter.


And sure enough, many of you fall for it. That’s your business. As for me, I’ve pledged never to have any dealings with companies like Bank of America or McDonald’s or Coca-Cola or even Jim Beam online. I’m much happier for it. But I sense a lot of you are going to have a falling out with Facebook over this pretty soon. I can easily see Facebook joining the MySpace society of whores.


I have only one rule when it comes to social networking, and perhaps you can benefit from this: these places exist for making and maintaining friendships, not for making customers. Promote your stuff, but remember to be human. Have an opinion every once in a while. And don’t forget to have a few laughs.


Speaking of opinions, I’d love to hear yours in the comments below.