[NOTE: This was supposed to be last night's entry, but I had more time then, so I decided to write at length about my Lyft experiences. I have less time tonight, so here we go. I edited it slightly so it would appear this is what I did today.]
I needed to get lunch this afternoon, but I didn't have any money. I'm broke and payday is tomorrow. However, I had a survey coupon for two free cheeseburgers from White Castle, so I thought, why not?
Side note: always take the surveys if there's free shit involved. I've kept myself fed through such cunning and devotion. I get angry if the survey doesn't have a reward for taking it. What, there's not even a sweepstakes entry for this? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
So I got my White Castle and went back to work. Shortly thereafter I remembered why people call these things gut-busters. I felt the all too familiar gurgling in my guts, like a Predator was nearby, and my butthole started burning slightly. Whoops! I got off the call I was on and rushed to the bathroom where I shat my guts out in a horribly violent manner. If this was a scene in a movie, there would be people picketing the film for its grim and ugly violence. No kid should have to see this.
And then, as I sat with my raw and throbbing asshole, the stink hit me. It smelled like a chemical burn. If someone lit a match in there the entire building would have gone up in a mushroom cloud, and I would have died like I've always expected: on the toilet, Elvis-style.
I really shouldn't eat White Castle unless I'm in the privacy of my own home.
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