GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #773: SOMEONE CHECK AND SEE IF HELL FROZE OVER

Mitch McConnell, 2023 (colorized)

 I'm a little disappointed with today for two reasons. The first is, I've been disabused of the hope I feel knowing that Mitch McConnell's remaining life is short. I guess the two freezes he suffered recently weren't bad enough to incapacitate him because he's up to his ol' bullshit hardcore today.

Dick Durbin mentioned earlier this week that he was going to subpoena two billionaires and a judicial activist so they can look into several large gifts given to justices of the Supreme Court. Which is very important, by the way, considering the unconscionable graft committed by that bench. But McConnell has swooped in, saying that it's "inappropriate." Fellow scumbag Lindsey Graham added that he thinks there might be "constitutional issues" with such subpoenas. In other words, WE MUST NOT INVESTIGATE GRAFT ON THE SUPREME COURT. The billionaires might get their feelings hurt, and we wouldn't want that, now, would we?

The other reason? Oh yeah. This one gets a little tricky because, and I never thought I'd ever say this, but Josh Hawley said something I agree with.

Yes, now would be a good time to check and see if Hell is a winter wonderland.

Hawley introduced a bill called the Ending Corporate Influence on Elections Act, which is exactly what it sounds like. In regards to corporate donations made to candidates, Hawley said, "I think it's warping our politics, and I see no reason for conservatives to defend it. It's wrong as a matter of the original meaning of the Constitution. It's bad for our elections. It's bad for our voters. And I just think on principle, we ought to be concerned."

Is this really Josh Hawley? As in, the fucking coward who helped foment an insurrection and then ran in sheer terror of said insurrection? I'm kind of surprised that something this intelligent came from that asshole.

He's right. Corporate meddling in our elections has led to the situation we're in right now. Corporations must be banned from politics. Period. End of sentence. No further notes.

So of course Mitch Fucking McConnell swooped down on that, too. He held a special meeting for those conservatives Hawley mentioned, including Hawley himself. McConnell forbade them from signing the bill, and then he read off a list of those politicians who won their offices with the corporate donations that Hawley is talking about. And then McConnell twisted the knife. Josh Hawley's name was on that list. $20M in corporate donations from McConnell's own personal super-PAC.

I don't know why Hawley decided to do this. It makes no sense for him unless he's willing to sacrifice himself for the greater good of the country, and from a coward like him, I find that very unlikely. Why did he choose now to grow a pair? Is he sick? Does he have a terminal illness, and this is the way he takes his suckass colleagues down with him?

I don't know. I'm confused, which is not my natural state. I'll just have to watch this unfold with the rest of you fuckers.

Dammit.