Arnold Schwarzenegger's Pump Club is chockful of suggestions for living longer and keeping your brain intact. Getting enough sleep is something he talks about often. And lifting weights seems to solve a lot of physical problems, or at the least helps you live longer with a better life.
But he's got a doozy for us today. Today's "number you won't forget" is 100. As in, if you masturbate 100 times to orgasm in a year, you will likely live three years longer than you would have. Finally I can do something he recommends! Hell, I got this one down pretty good. 100 jerkoff sessions? In a year? I think I have that this year alone so far. If you want to read the study, check it out here.
There's more. Sex two times a week could lower your risk of heart disease. And then there's the big number. If you want to add possibly eight years to your life, you have a better shot at it if you masturbate SEVEN HUNDRED TIMES A YEAR. I don't know if I can, heh, pull that off. I don't know how many of us could diddle ourselves that often. Maybe Matthew McConaughey in The Wolf of Wall Street could do it. Because I'm a pervert I ran the numbers, and if he jerks off as much as he claims to in that movie, he does so.730 times a year. At least.
I'm not too thrilled to be adding years to my life. I've lived decades with older people. I know exactly what waits for me if I'm not lucky enough to die before it happens. There is no dignity in death, but there are degrees, and I'd rather have as much dignity as possible than leave behind friends and relatives who know exactly what it's like to change my diapers or to wash out my fat folds. But if you're the sort who wants to live as long as possible, perhaps I've brightened your day? Go forth and conquer.
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