Wednesday, October 8, 2014


Before starting, I should warn you that I don't like Pat Quinn. Since America is full of them-or-us bullshit, I feel the need to say that I don't like Rauner, either. Quinn has proven himself to be inadequate for the job of governor of IL, and I don't want him running my state. Rauner is a piece of shit, and I don't want him running my state, either. Don't bother mentioning anyone else, because we all know that it will come down to a choice between these two fuckers and NO ONE ELSE. So yeah, I'm stuck with having either puke or shit run my state after this next election, and there's nothing I can do to avoid that, except move out of the state, which I can't afford right now.

Enough of that. This isn't about politics. This is about horseshit. Or bullshit, if you prefer. I'd even accept dogshit. (To be fair, if Quinn lost, it would be kind of novel to have an Illinois governor who got to leave office without going to prison first.)

This morning, I saw a Quinn reelection commercial. He spouted a bunch of stuff about how he wanted to reform the college loan laws so people could refinance it just like they could refinance a car loan or a mortgage. It's a message I agree with, but that doesn't matter. (Especially since Illinois has waaaaaaay more important problems than that.) But after talking about this for about thirty seconds, he said, "I'm Pat Quinn, and I approve of this message."

That phrase has become so ubiquitous that most people don't even notice it anymore. You all know my feelings about it. However, despite the fact that I'm enraged by this utterance, I'm even angrier at this usage than anything else.

Politicians started saying this because OTHER PEOPLE were saying things about them in an attempt to get them elected, and they decided to add this insidious phrase to those commercials to show their endorsement of those who support them. (OK, I know. The politicians themselves were responsible for these commercials in all reality, so of course they were approving of their own message. But that's all behind the scenes. They were at least pretending that it was otherwise, and I can make my peace with that. It's unethical, but at least it's not stupid.)

However, the Quinn commercial I saw today insulted me on a very basic level. YOU CAN'T USE THAT PHRASE AFTER ACTUAL FOOTAGE OF YOU GIVING THE MESSAGE. If there is a single human being on this planet who couldn't understand the message THAT YOU, PERSONALLY, JUST GAVE US, then you haven't done your job.

The only reason I can possibly fathom for this is that politics has become so untrustworthy that politicians feel the need to tell us, hey guys. We're not liars. We really mean this shit. Here's the thing, though: if you feel the need to tell us that you're not a liar, chances are extremely high that you're a liar.

Any other usage of this--ANY--suggests that you're a dumb ass. You might as well say, "We should do this, that and the other thing. My name is Dumb Motherfucking Piece of Shit, and I approve of the message that just left my stupid fucking redundant non-liar mouth."

Fuck. I need to get laid.

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