Recently on Twitter I've noticed people posting pictures of themselves that look like band pictures. I don't have any of those of me, or at least I don't think so. But it did bring to mind a moment from about two years ago in which I felt like I was in a punk band's picture.
For those who don't know me, I'm very much against consuming fruits and vegetables. I can tolerate apples, corn, carrots, watermelon and pears, but it doesn't mean I like it. I steer clear whenever possible.
So I was hanging out with a friend, and I was getting ready to leave. She was very concerned that I'm not getting enough potassium. To be fair, she was right. My kidneys have tried to kill me for this very reason. It's why I take potassium supplements these days.
As I was about to leave, she confronted me with a banana. "You don't get to leave unless you eat this."
No way, I told her. Not just no, but fuck no.
"Fine. Just take a bite, okay?"
Nope.
She got fed up with me to the point where she decided she was going to make me eat it. She's a pretty strong person. I remember once when she felt that she had to teach me self-defense, mostly against my will, and she accidentally punched me in the face. It was a solid hit. So it was very much within the realm of possibility that she actually could make me eat it.
I tried to escape, but resistance was futile. She had me on the kitchen floor, sitting on my stomach, her robe open, exposing her nudity beneath. And she held that banana like it was a knife she was going to stab me with.
In that moment I knew this image should be on the cover of a punk album. I really wish someone had taken a picture of that.
Anyway, she gave up and let me go. Bananas are fucking disgusting. They're slimy and they smell terrible. I'm very glad I didn't get that thing in my mouth.
And so I live to face another day . . .
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