GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #422: DOWNTIME

 I miss having a job with downtime. The one I work now has zero downtime. Well, mostly. Someday I'll describe that last qualifier, but for now it's like this: calls come in constantly. I talk with approximately 100 people a day. If calls stop coming in, and it happens, then we start calling out. There isn't a lot of time to get to know my coworkers. Most of them I just know as someone I work with and say hi to every morning or bye to every evening. There are exceptions but not many.

All of my other jobs have had downtime, and as a result I've made a lot of friends with coworkers over the years. When you have downtime you can bullshit or tell jokes or just hang out or in one notable case watch I Come in Peace on company time. Then of course there is mischief to be had. Pranks to be played. I have to say my finest moment was when a coworker/friend left his computer unlocked. He absolutely despised Pulp Fiction (his love of the Fast and Furious movies explains everything), so I snuck by his desk and opened Chrome, his browser of choice. I then got an add on that changed how it looked. You know when Travolta and Jackson empty their guns in that one scene?

Yeah, that one.

From that moment on that image was at the top of his Chrome browser. He gave me credit for that one, and when he asked how to get rid of it, I said I didn't know. I was maybe telling the truth. The fog of memory . . . obscures . . .

(And if that prank sounds kind of mean, it's not. He drew first blood when he changed my background to an almost naked picture of Nic Cage that could have led to an HR conversation.)

But my favorite job for downtime was working at the library, especially when I was working behind the circulation desk. That meant that whenever someone checked out books, I got to see what they were interested in. If it crossed with my own interests, then a great conversation about books ensued. I can talk about books for a very long time. I think I might still be able to do it from beyond the grave. I have no way to prove that just yet, but don't be surprised if, after I die, I start hanging around your place talking about books.

I truly miss that job sometimes. But then again, a lot of weird and horrible shit happened in that place, too. I'm not sure if you ever read my two Tales from the Library columns from Tabard Inn, but if you have, you know what I mean. And it gets even worse. I'm talking arrests, convicted kid rapists, sexual harassment and assault. Crazy shit you would never expect to happen in a library.

But the pros outweigh the cons.

Hey, what is Brian Benben doing these days? Last I saw him he was in The Deer Woman