GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #194: CAN'T GET DRUNK? LET ME GIVE SOME ADVICE

I've been working pretty hard of late at my square job, trying to learn everything. Other aspects of my life have suffered because of this. I finally found a moment to relax and do nothing. I switched on the TV and surfed a while until I came upon FX. They were showing the first Captain America movie. I watched for a bit.

And then came the scene after Bucky "dies." Cap is sitting in a bar alone, pouring drinks from a bottle of booze. Agent Carter finds him, and he waxes poetic about the super soldier serum. He says that because of it he heals so quickly that he can't get drunk.

I thought to myself, well, if that's the case maybe you shouldn't drink like that. He pours a bit into a glass and downs it. Of course he's not going to get drunk that way. When your best friend dies, you should get drunk. That's the only sane response.

I wonder what would happen if he drank an entire fifth in one go. I imagine he'd heal pretty quickly, but it can't possibly be instantaneous. No, I think he'd be drunk for a little while at the very least. Maybe he should drink a handle of booze in one go. That would keep him occupied for quite some time.

Then I remembered the scene in Age of Ultron when the Avengers were all getting drunk. Cap looked a bit buzzed there when he was trying to lift Thor's hammer. Maybe the director forgot about Cap's inability to get drunk?

I like to think that he drank a fifth of Tony Stark's booze for that scene. The good stuff. The scotch that Tony doesn't want people to know that he has.

Cap. Seriously. If you need to get drunk give me a call. I can get the job done. I might not be Dr. Whiskey, but I know him. We can help.