Monday, April 24, 2023

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #661: NIPPLE PAIN

Here's a thing that sucks about being me. Every morning I sit on the edge of my bed to put my pants on, and then I have to put my leg brace on. And then I have to put my shoes on. Putting the right one on is always easy, but the left one comes with some risks.


Because I have to reach down and pick up my left shoe before putting it on. At this point my legs are in my pants, but my pants aren't up yet. I have to stand for that, and I don't want to put on pants, then stand up, then sit down and do the brace and shoes. It makes more sense, especially since standing up at any time sucks for me, to sit, put on my pants, put on my brace, put on my shoes, then stand and pull up my pants, buckle the belt, etc.


So when I reach down, I'm leaning over my knees, which puts my nipple pretty close to the zipper of my pants, and all too often I wind up scraping my precious nipple across that zipper. It never draws blood, but it hurts like a motherfucker.


I could put on a shirt first, but the zipper will still find my nipple, and besides, I don't want to stand up and hold my shirt back so I can close my pants. The older I get, the more movement economy becomes important.


So I guess I'll have to live with scraping my nipple almost every morning. So it goes.

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