GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #663: MANDATORY METALLICA

 

When I was a teenager and a young man, driving around with friends and getting into trouble--usually not of my own making, but there was guilt by association--there was Mandatory Metallica. I live in the Chicago area, and back then the best rock station was the Rock 103.5. If I recall correctly, the DJ was a guy named Freak who did traffic for the local morning zoo show. I think it was on Saturdays when they would play a block of Metallica songs, and it was cause for celebration because we didn't have satellite radio back then. We didn't have mp3 players, etc. What we had was the radio, and whatever was on, you were stuck with. There was only one rock station. Two classic rock stations. One alternative station. Everything else was garbage.

And then 103.5 changed formats, and because we'd rather listen to new music instead of classic rock, we were stuck with the alternative station which sometimes played good shit. If I recall correctly, 101.1 started doing Mandatory Metallica, and they disappeared. Then Metallica became classic rock, so 97.9 started doing it, but even they're gone now, and they were around since the classics they played were new.

Not too long ago, when I was stuck in a rental, I discovered another rock station, and they did Mandatory Metallica. So I've been thinking about it for a while now. Now that I know more about how radio works, I have a sneaking suspicion that every city has their own rock station, and every one of those rock stations do their own version of Mandatory Metallica. If you think your radio show is clever with some of the bits they do, please know that those are hack bits that everyone across the country is doing. Even worse, they pay for the priviledge to use those bits.

But Mandatory Metallica is special. It always has been. I know this column reaches around the States (and sometimes to the UK and Australia), so maybe one of my readers can confirm my theory about Mandatory Metallica being a staple across the country and possibly outside the US.

I do know this, though: Metallica has a new album out, and SXM gave them their own channel called, you guessed it, Mandatory Metallica. I've heard some of the new album. There are good songs. Maybe a couple that are great. At least it's better than just about anything after And Justice and before Hardwired. I'll take that any day because holy fuck, some of their shit from that era is dreadful.

Have I said the phrase "Mandatory Metallica" enough in this one? Probably. So I'll do it one more time. Mandatory Metallica.

Mandatory Metallica. There, it's out of my system now.

Bet you thought I was going to say it again. You were . . .

. . . right. Mandatory Metallica.