GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #933: VERTIGO DIED, LONG LIVE VERTIGO

 

I've told the story so many times you're probably sick of it, but for some of my newer readers (welcome!), when I was a kid I did not like superhero comics. They were all right, but I was more interested in GI Joe and Transformers comics. When they ended Transformers I felt betrayed and gave up on comics. Fast forward to my senior year in high school when my friend, CJ (who since has worked for Universal, I believe, as a model and is currently a stand-up comedian), put the trade of Evil Ernie: Youth Gone Wild into my hands, and suddenly I was back into comics. I have every Chaos! Comic ever (except for the fake ones Dynamite made), but my favorite publisher in those days was DC's imprint, Vertigo. Preacher was the second comic CJ put into my hands, and from there I took off with a heavy interest in the things Vertigo published.

Then Vertigo died, and DC tried doing Black Label books for adult readers, but the problem was, the Black Label books were all superhero books, and I still, to this very day, dislike superhero comics. There are exceptions, like Watchmen (and I don't know what the rest of the world is talking about, but as far as I'm concerned Watchmen ended in the 'Eighties) and The Boys. I gleefully own the Azzarello Batman Black Label book where they showed Batman's batdick (which they edited out of subsequent reprints), but that's where my enjoyment of the Black Label stuff ends.

Lo! and behold! DC is bringing Vertigo back! I thought that was great news, even if the titles they revealed don't look all that great. One is a DC reprint, which does not speak highly of this great return.

Remember yesterday when I posted a link to Mark Millar interviewing Garth Ennis? It's super long, and I posted it only for those interested in what anyone else would consider a slog. Hidden in that interview, however, is Garth Ennis's assessment of why Vertigo was initially killed.

If you don't know, DC is owned by Warner Bros. Warner, ever hungry for more comic book movies, wanted to raid DC's back issues for movie ideas. Some Warner exec stumbled upon these great books being published by Vertigo and wanted to make movies out of them. Except for one problem: DC actually doesn't own the rights to those books. They are creator owned. That generation of comics writers actually listened to Alan Moore and insisted on owning their own stories.

Someone explained this to the exec, who then responded, "Then why are we publishing these books? Fuck 'em. Get rid of the imprint." And so Vertigo died.

Which makes utter sense. I found myself talking with my comics guys about this today when a fellow customer mentioned that they were reviving Vertigo. Before I could even think, these words were out of my mouth: "I'll bet they're not going to be creator owned."

That first title, as I said, is a reprint of a DC book. DC books are definitely owned by DC. The second title is a continuation of that first title. Things aren't looking good, folks. I'm going to keep my eye out for other books they announce. If they, too, are not creator owned, then resurrecting Vertigo will be a waste of everyone's time.

There's a reason I don't read DC or Marvel books. I think they suck. I have zero interest in Batman beating the shit out of the mentally ill. I have zero interest in the teenage jerk off fantasies that Spider-Man embodies. I have even less interest in two-fisted battles across the galaxy. I parodied that nonsense with the war at the end of And Jesus Came Back. I have a character using the Empire State Building as a club, for fuckssake.

There are exceptions of course. For the last few months I've read a Marvel book, but it was Get Fury. Neither Nick Fury nor Frank Castle are superheroes, though. It ended recently, so I'm back to reading zero Marvel books. I'm also reading a DC book, but it's Hellblazer: Dead in America, and I've been following John Constantine's adventures for two decades plus. That may have ended today, though. What we got in issue ten could be an ending or a to-be-continued. Hard to say.

I'll be interested in seeing *who* wants to work with the new Vertigo. I don't think I'm going to see any of the usual creatives I follow, but if I do, then maybe I'm wrong in my assessment. More likely I'll see their names attached to Image projects, though. Time will tell.

THE JOHN BRUNI MUSEUM OF MEDIOCRE (AT BEST) SHIT #20: REVIEW OF WINTER'S EDGE #3

[Here’s another one where I come off as a merciless cunt. Almost all of my opinions have changed since I wrote this. There are a lot of writers and artists involved, so I might as well just offer a blanket apology. Nah, that wouldn’t explain enough. Let’s get started.

Neil Gaiman: Sorry, this story really was boring. I like your Sandman characters, but this one fell too short for me.

Michael Zulli: I have since grown to appreciate your artwork and am no longer quite so dismissive.

Brian Azzarello: this wasn’t as bad as I remembered it. I think the problem was that I wasn’t all in on 100 Bullets yet.

Eduardo Risso: I don’t even know where that came from. Ripping off John McCrea?! Sheer insanity. I was 100% wrong about you.

Michael Lark: Your work is always awesome. I was 100% wrong when I wrote this.

Jamie Delano: Well, okay. I was right about it being confusing, but I was extremely happy with Outlaw Nation, which came from this story.

Ed Brubaker: I was kind of right about you at the time. You wrote about nothing but teen angst, but you were the best at it. Now that you’ve branched out in so many different directions, you are one of the best comics writers working today.

Warren Pleece: I was flat out a dick to you. Sorry. I’m not a big fan, but I shouldn’t have gone after you like that.

Brian K. Vaughan: Sorry. The story didn’t excite me very much. Very little of your Swamp Thing run interested me much. However, a lot of your other work is some of the best I’ve ever read, especially Y: The Last Man and Saga.

I think I’ve covered all my bases on that one. Yeah, I was a raging dick back then, and I should not have been allowed access to ink and paper. It was in the days before I discovered alcohol, which made me a vastly better person. Anyway, this is from the Elmhurst College Leader Dec. 6, 1999.]

You can always tell that Christmas is on its way when Vertigo puts out its annual Winter’s Edge issue, collecting stories from their ongoing (and in this case, upcoming) monthlies.

Kicking off this issue is a less than legendary story from the legendary Neil Gaiman. Drawn by Michael Zulli, it’s a story about Desire, one of the characters from the now defunct Sandman series. It’s actually a pretty boring story, mostly because no one gives a damn about the characters, and Desire’s only in it for a short while. In addition to that, Zullie’s work is a terrible mess. It’s rough and quite unclear. Moments that are supposed to be touching are rendered useless by Zulli’s lack of talent. His art might be appropriate in depicting the mad poet, Algernon, but not anything else.

Speaking of poetry, Gaiman, who is usually quite the poet, fails in Algernon’s rhymed musings. All in all, it’s a well written (aside from the poetry) but boring story.

“Silencer Night,” a story from 100 Bullets, is a bit better. It’s more interesting, but it’s also pointless. Writer Brian Azzarello has a remarkable ear for dialogue, but artist Eduardo Risso keeps ripping John MCCrea off (and, even worse, he does a terrible job at it). Both did much better, though, with their modern day take on the ‘60’s comic, Jonny Double.

This story, while it maintains interest, works toward nothing. It merely portrays Christmas Eve at a police station, emphasizing the insanity of it all. The best moment is when a man in cuffs is screaming, “Don’ touch me don’ touch me . . . We’re everywhere! Watch the wood choppers! Ronald Reagan knows the tru—” At which point someone breaks a chair over his head. While it’s good for laughs, there’s no reason for this scene, and it’s never referred to again.

“Waiting for Good Dough,” from Books of Magic, takes place at the Inn Between the Worlds, where a couple of dead boys pretending to be detectives are searching for Timothy Hunter, the greatest mage of his time. The thing is, Tim’s now a girl, and his smart-ass tendencies are gone. Maybe that’s a good thing, but the fact that he was a smart-ass was the most attractive characteristic he had. No one can write Tim like Gaiman, and it’s certainly not him writing this story. Peter Gross does a terrible job with a character with so much potential. Artist Michael Lark isn’t so great, either. His work on Scene of the Crime was ten times better, while here it’s just lazy.

One can always count on John Constantine for Christmas spirit in the Hellblazer story “Another Bloody Christmas.” Written and drawn by Dave Gibbons, it’s one of the best stories Winter’s Edge has to offer this year. Not only is it expertly written, but the artwork is some of the best Hellblazer has ever seen, and it definitely ranks up there with Steve Dillon and Sean Phillips.

For John, it’s just another lousy Christmas. He’s out of cigarettes and has to walk around in search of a shop that’s open (even the 24-hour places are closed) with a hole in one shoe, letting the slush in to freeze his foot. To make matters worse, he stumbles across the burned up body of a man who conjured up a demon from a plague pit with the Eezee-Glide Ouija Board he got for Christmas. The bodies keep piling up as John makes his way to the demon and a pack of cigarettes. Easily the most entertaining story here.

Another entertaining story is “Borealis” from The Dreaming. It reads like a Native American myth, complete with the Mother Raven and a bear that eats the sun. The Dreaming, which is normally a boring comic, shines through with this one story penned by Caitlin R. Kiernan. Artist Shawn McManus matches Kiernan’s storytelling with child-like, yet brutally bloody, artwork. All in all, a highly entertaining story that could possibly be a real Native American myth, it’s that well written.

The funniest story comes, naturally, from Transmetropolitan writer Warren Ellis and artist Darick Robertson. “Next Winters” takes up a mere 17 panels, but the joke is unbelievable. Spider Jerusalem, beyond a doubt the most vile, contemptibly vicious character ever to walk a comic book, tells us how much he hates Christmas but loves winter. For his take on Christmas, check out last year’s Winter’s Edge—it’s hilarious what he says about Santa Claus. This year, one could question why he loves winter so much. “Not just because I like to see old people suffering,” he assures us. He loves the change winter brings, because “every new winter, things got a bit better.” According to this loveable journalist, snow used to burn people. He also talks about his addiction to news. He keeps watching it “just in case the president suffers a fatal aircraft toilet accident that chucks his intestines over the city like streamers at a ticker-tape parade.” There’s also a hilarious bit involving puppies and wood-chippers.

This year, he has a new toy: the Frost-Biter 7-K, a multiple snowball launcher he uses to annihilate his filthy assistants. Grinning with this gun on his shoulder, flicking his cigarette butt at us, he says,” Spider Jerusalem: more famous than Jesus, better dressed than Santa Claus, wouldn’t be seen dead on a cross, and has never been caught up a chimney. So I deserve your money more.” That’s the Christmas spirit!

One of the new monthlies being offered up by Vertigo is “the Great Satan,” and here appears the first story, “Minor Characters.” Written by Jamie Delano (the mastermind behind the first 39 issues of Hellblazer and the highly creative, if depressing, series 20/20 Vision) and drawn by Goran Sudzuka, it’s mildly interesting and highly confusing. The story feels like there’s something missing, which will hopefully be presented when the series actually starts, and thus cannot stand on its own as a story. Sudzuka is a pretty talented artist reminiscent of Mark Buckingham. The verdict on the story, however, is still out.

Another new monthly is Deadenders, which offers “The Morning After.” Writer Ed Brubaker is an excellent writer, but he writes about the same thing all the time. Scene of the Crime was the best thing he ever wrote, and even that involved teen angst (except the teen in that case had grown up to be a private investigator). Prez was also very intelligently written, but it was the ultimate in teen angst. Brubaker is great at portraying that angst, but that seems to be all he ever writes about. Here is teen angst again, but this time it’s in the future. Beezer is the teen in question, and he wants nothing to do with his family, he drinks and does massive amounts of drugs to escape his reality, he’s got a crush on the local waitress, and he spends Christmas morning offering up his indulgences of the night past to the porcelain god. It’s great stuff, but it’s the same old stuff Brubaker’s been doing, this time with Warren Pleece drawing it. Pleece is a terrible artist and always will be, but to his credit, this is the best artwork he’s ever done, even if it is shit.

Over the past twenty-some years, Swamp Thing has been an on again, off again series. The last Swamp Thing series, which lasted a little over 170 issues, ended a few years ago. This Winter’s Edge marks the return, once again, of a Swamp Thing title. This time, it’s quite different. Rather than having Swamp Thing Alec Holland as the main character, his daughter Tefe takes the spotlight. It’s highly doubtful that there can be Swamp Thing without Alec, and this story, “Sow and Ye Shall reap,” isn’t too great. Writer Brian K. Vaughan fully grasps Tefe’s character and her abilities, but his story is highly uninteresting. It’s a struggle to get through this eight-page story. Artist Roger Petersen isn’t much different—his artwork is blocky and messy.

There are some good stories and some bad stories in Winter’s Edge #3, but it’s worth it. The price may be a bit steep at seven bucks, but it’s Christmas. Indulge. The good stories are certainly worth it.

GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #18: VERTIGO

It always makes me happy when I see Vertigo doing one of their preview books. These days, they're for free, although in the past they've charged, and I've willingly paid. Once upon a time, Vertigo was my favorite comics company, since they put out the best books I'd ever read (PREACHER, TRANSMETROPOLITAN, 100 BULLETS, hell, you know me and what I like). (And yes, I know that TRANSMET started as a Helix book. Quit nitpicking.) I'm more of an Avatar Press kind of guy now. (Big surprise, considering they've worked with Vertigo greats like Ennis, Ellis, Delano, etc.)


This new preview is nice, in that it reminds everyone what Vertigo is doing right now with great books like AMERICAN VAMPIRE, FBP and so on, but it's also giving us a peek of what's to come. Sad to say, their new fare doesn't look very interesting to me. BODIES has some great creative-types attached to it, but the story doesn't look very appealing. I love Peter Milligan's work, but THE NAMES looks like heavy-handed crap. THE KITCHEN could be interesting. It's a hard-crime look at the 'Seventies in Hell's Kitchen, but told from the female perspective. What they sample, though, doesn't look that great. I'll probably give it a shot.


The one that looks most promising is SUICIDERS. I'm a fan of Lee Bermejo's artwork, but this will be the first time I'll get a taste of his writing skills. I love the cover, and the sample is just over the top awesome. Of the new batch, I look forward to this one the most. I'm glad to see it's a monthly, although I have no idea how Bermejo will get that much work done. Have you seen his art? It's insanely intricate. Writing and illustrating this book should put him through the ringer, but I love what I'm seeing so far.

C2E2 2013: THE VERTIGO PANEL

This was one of the stranger panels I went to, and all the credit/blame goes to Brian Azzarello.  Shawn McManus, Andrew Pepoy, and Will Dennis were also present for this flabbergasting clusterfuck.  Azzarello had something scathing to say about everybody and everything.  He was so surly, I wondered if maybe he’d had a few too many before taking to the stage.

No, he hadn’t been drinking, but he is a smart man.  He’s aware that Vertigo is on the very brink of shutting down.  Let’s face it, they got Constantine out of there because they didn’t want to lose him.  The only strong title they have are the FABLES related ones (I don’t count AMERICAN VAMPIRE because it’s on hiatus).  Azzarello earned a name for himself doing things like JONNY DOUBLE and 100 BULLETS, in addition to a bunch of short work for FLINCH and STRANGE ADVENTURES.  So . . . he doesn’t want Vertigo to go away.

Everyone on this panel was being wishy-washy about their own work, but Azzarello tried pumping them up.  In fact, it seemed like he was channeling Bull Murray from SCROOGED.  He wanted you to be deathly afraid of missing any of these issues.

Anyway, on to the announcements.  BROTHER LONO is not necessarily a sequel to 100 BULLETS, but it is a spin-off.  Someone, I forget who, said that this was their Laverne and Shirley.  Apparently, Azzarello and artist Eduardo Risso hashed this mini-series out in a taxi in Spain.  It looks like Lono is a religious man now, trying to atone for his life of crime.  Of course, it can’t work out very well for him.  It is an Azzarello book, after all.

Dennis mentioned that Azzarello and he were supposed to go over the final corrections the previous night in the bar, but they’d gotten drunk instead.  As a result, they started going over the corrections then and there.  Like, right in front of us.  At the fucking panel.

While they did that, the announcements continued.  They showed us the cover to FAIREST #17, but they said the cover of #15 was top secret.  They mentioned that they were starting an arc about a new character soon, but that’s all they had to say.  [NOTE:  We now know that the reason they couldn’t show the cover to 15 was because they were bringing Prince Charming back.]

FABLES #131 was next, but they talked more about Pepoy than the book.  Apparently, Pepoy had known writer Bill Willingham since the respective ages of 14 and early 20’s.  Pepoy brought his own table and set up next to Willingham at a previous Chicago con, and this led to his first Vertigo work.  Willingham brought him up to the big leagues.  Also, Pepoy has a weird fixation with the band, Men Without Hats.  He took a lot of shit for it.

THE WAKE is a book from Scott Snyder and Sean Murphy that will be released sometime in May.  It’s a horror book, but they didn’t say much else. [NOTE:  I have since read the first issue, and I still can’t tell you what it’s about.  I think we’ll finally get let in on the plot in issue 2.]

Around this point, someone mentioned a book that was on the New York Times bestseller list, and Azzarello lost his shit yet again.  “Listen, everyone is on the fucking New York Times bestseller list.  It’s overrated.  Do you people actually care about the New York Times bestseller list?”  He has a point.  Just because something is a bestseller doesn’t mean it’s good.

Anyway, speaking of Scott Snyder, AMERICAN VAMPIRE is a long way off from resuming.  In the meantime, he has a mini-series about Travis, the vampire hunter with the wooden fangs, called THE LONG ROAD TO HELL.  Fuck yeah!  He’s one of my favorite characters, aside from Skinner Sweet, of course.

Jeff Lemire has TRILLIUM coming soon.  It’s touted as the Last Love Story Ever Told.  It takes place in two different eras with two people, one from each, who fall in love with each other.  They called it THE NOTEBOOK with ray guns.  That sounds pretty cool.  Azzarello, tired of the wishy-washy marketing job done by the others, broke in yet again with, “Has Lemire written anything that sucks?  No?  Then it’s going to be a great book!”

The last announcement was COLLIDER, a new book from Simon Oliver, who did THE EXTERMINATORS (which I might feature on Forgotten Comic Books someday, even though it wasn’t that long ago).

They opened up for questions, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to stick around or not, because I wanted to make the John Scalzi signing.  Eh, fuck it.  What the hell?  I got in line to ask a question.

You all probably have an idea of what I asked.  It’s the question I always ask when I have Vertigo people around.  Or when I have Garth Ennis around.  I’d ask if Steve Dillon were around, but I’ve never met the guy.  But while I was waiting in line, someone in front of me asked what work the panelists were really enjoying these days.  Pepoy said that he liked a lot of stuff coming out of Artists Alley, and he mentioned Kevin Bandt in particular.  Holy shit!  I know Kevin Bandt!  When I got home, I couldn’t rush to Facebook fast enough to tell him about Pepoy’s shout-out.

Then, it was my turn.  Yes, I asked about the final, unpublished PREACHER story, the one about the Sex Investigators.  Vertigo refused to do it because of the content.  I demanded answers.  Dennis said that it probably wasn’t going to happen, but then Azzarello blasted my balls off.  “NO!  The book’s not going to happen!  Why would you ask that stupid question?”

Dennis said that he was trying to let me down easy.  I slinked off, notifying everyone that I was going to weep myself to sleep that night.  I guess I will never get a better response to that question, so I’m going to have to retire it.  When Azzarello, who looks—coincidentally, I’m sure—a lot like the God of War in WONDER WOMAN, says something like that, I’m pretty sure it’s the truth.

So there you have it.  The biggest scoop I will ever get at one of these panels.  The last PREACHER story is never going to happen.  What a grim and sad ending to a strange and savage panel.

COOL SHIT 1-3-13

G.I. JOE:  COBRA #20:  With all the attention I pay to THE TRANSFORMERS here, one would think I’d bring up G.I. JOE a bit more often.  The thing is, all three books have been lagging, ever since they did that stupid Hunt for Snake-Eyes thing.  Let’s face it, the only way that story arc could have worked out in an awesome, unexpected way was if Snake-Eyes really did turn out to be a traitor, and he died in a very obvious, very gruesome fashion.  Now that the bullshit is out of the way, we can get back to the grown-up G.I. JOE kind of action IDW has been getting us hooked on ever since they picked up the series.  Flint and Lady Jaye are in serious trouble as they infiltrate a Red Oktober installation on a mission that doesn’t even exist on paper.  Now that they’ve been captured by a crew of thugs and murderers who have no regard for human life, it falls on Joe HQ to sort things out behind the scenes.  The problem:  the only person who seems capable of doing that is Tomax Paolo, who has been a prisoner of the Joes for . . . how long now?  Coming soon, they’re going to discontinue the three series in favor of three new series.  Personally, I think we’d be better served with one series, considering how for the past couple of years, we’ve been treated to one long story broken up over three monthlies.  Might as well just consolidate the whole thing.  I can understand having one main JOE book and then having a SPECIAL MISSIONS book, just like back in the ‘Eighties and ‘Nineties, but come on.  I have faith in the storytelling, but do we really need three JOE books?  That's kind of like breaking up an adaptation of THE HOBBIT into three movies--oh, wait.

AMERICAN VAMPIRE #34:  Now that we’ve been through several decades worth of story, we’ve finally reached the mid-point, according to writer Scott Snyder.  At first glance, it’s a sedate issue, but when you think more about it, it’s a harbinger of things to come, and is thus a very important issue.  With a bit of quick exposition, we learn the fate of Will Bunting, the first chronicler of Skinner Sweet’s life, and who has replaced Bunting at the VMS.  We also get to see Abilena Book in her old age as she denies having been granted visions by being bitten by Sweet years earlier.  We get to meet the new enemy of the series, and we get a massive slap to the face in regards to how things are going to go for the rest of the series.  Here’s the problem:  THEY’RE GOING ON HIATUS.  Snyder says the next story is written, but he also says that they’re taking some time off to recharge their batteries (and to give the artist more time to illustrate the series, as he doesn't want to take any more breaks).  I can only hope that Vertigo will actually still be around when they do come back.  Many of you are familiar with my ranting and raving in regards to HELLBLAZER’s cancellation, and how I believe that Vertigo will be gone by the end of 2013.  I love FABLES and all the related titles, but I’m pretty sure they could survive in the DCU and make everyone a lot of money there.  Right now, AMERICAN VAMPIRE is the only book that has me hoping that Vertigo will survive.  They’ve done a lot of great work over the years, including my two favorite books of all time (PREACHER and TRANSMETROPOLITAN, even though the latter did, indeed, start out at the short-lived Helix).  HELLBLAZER, the Lansdale JONAH HEX, THE SANDMAN, 100 BULLETS, I could go on forever about all the wonderful books they’ve done.  Maybe Shelly Bond can do great things now that she’s in charge (and I know she’s edited many good books that I’ve enjoyed over the years), but considering all the really, really, really, really, really bad decisions DC has made recently, Vertigo is a dog with rabies.  It’s only a matter of time before someone puts it down.  I hope AMERICAN VAMPIRE gets finished before that happens.

FORGOTTEN COMIC BOOKS #3: SCARAB

It happened during the infancy of Vertigo. THE SANDMAN was far from over. Garth Ennis and Steve Dillon were wowing people on HELLBLAZER. ANIMAL MAN, DOOM PATROL, and SHADE, THE CHANGING MAN were still going. Joe R. Lansdale’s reimagining of JONAH HEX had just ended. PREACHER and TRANSMETROPOLITAN weren’t even twinkles in their creators’ eyes yet. Exciting things were happening in the world of comics.



And a little book, an 8-issue miniseries by the name of SCARAB, flew under everyone’s radar and was quickly forgotten. Not by me, though.


How to describe SCARAB? Imagine if John Constantine was a superhero, and that’s about as close as you can get. Scot Eaton’s mind-blowing artwork reminds one of the way things used to be during Delano’s run on HELLBLAZER, or Moore’s run on SWAMP THING. It really changes the way a reader reads a comic book.


The story? It comes from a little-known British writer, John Smith, who had only been known to Americans at the time from a fill-in story on HELLBLAZER. I wish he’d gotten a few more issues in on Vertigo’s flagship book, though, he was that good.


SCARAB concerns itself with Louis Sendak, an old man who used to be a Golden Age DC superhero (although he has no official DC history; this is his first appearance) called Scarab. He is the guardian of a doorway in his house that leads to the Labyrinth, a place where William S. Burroughs and Lewis Carroll would have been at home, brain-fucking each other for eternity. Decades ago, his wife Eleanor disappeared into the Labyrinth, and he’s been looking for her ever since. However, in his old age, he’s given up, and he no longer wears the mantle of the Scarab. All of this changes when the Sicari, a ghastly creature from a long line of assassin sorcerers, seeks to find his home in the Labyrinth, but first he must find it.


As a result of this struggle, Louis is brutally attacked by the Sicari, who then rushes into the Labyrinth. Louis drags his broken and bloody body to the Scarabaeus, the device that transforms him into the Scarab, and healed, he chases the Sicari down just in time to save Eleanor from dying at the assassin’s hands, but not in time to save her spirit.


Now, the old man stands vigil over the youthful body of his wife, who still breathes, but her spirit is lost in the Net, a world of orgasmic power that not even Timothy Leary on his biggest LSD binge could describe. I can’t pile enough accolades on Eaton’s artwork. He does things that the human mind wasn’t meant to envision.


The same holds true for Smith’s storytelling. When relating Eleanor’s power-surge through the Net, he hits the proper stream-of-consciousness beat. He does even better when describing Louis’s dilemma. What can he do to save his wife? What can he do to save himself?


With a little help from the Phantom Stranger, he figures out a way to transform his weak and elderly body into what it once was in his prime. He also becomes the Scarab more often, fighting villains that would have Batman shitting out his entire digestive system. I think even Superman would have a difficult time getting his mind around this stuff. Constantine could handle it. Swamp Thing, too. But none of the superheroes could.


Take, for example, the 2-issue arc, “Moveable Feasts.” In this little tale, all of the men in a little North Carolina town named Whitehaven get involved in a self-castration cult before drowning themselves in the ocean. The women are left behind, impregnated by nothing less than the great god Pan, even little old ladies who couldn’t conceive and little girls years before their first menstruation. The only man left behind, a guy who broke his leg and was therefore stuck in the hospital, is a raving drunk, angry that he missed his chance at honoring Pan by cutting off his dick and drowning himself. Oh, and after a vicious struggle, Pan raped him, too. Yes, he was impregnated, as well.


Or how about the garden in “Paradise Defiled?” People who have lost all hope on earth can sometimes wander into a torture garden, where a fallen angel sculpts their bodies into infernal works of art.


And should I even mention “The Scream over Hiroshima?” I will, if only to say that 50,000 people dying all at once in the blink of an eye will undoubtedly taint the spiritual world . . . .


Stuart Moore, the editor of this book, stated that SCARAB was an experiment of sorts. Vertigo is a horrific place to be . . . but it also falls under the DCU. Is it possible to have a superhero book in their Vertigo line?


This was his answer. John Smith’s deviant, insane ramblings combined with Scot Eaton’s rip-your-soul-out-an-inch-at-a-time artwork. They planned for eight issues, and if there was enough of an interest in Louis Sendak’s world, then there would have been more.


Sadly, while reader response was good, there simply weren’t enough readers. SCARAB disappeared almost as quickly as it appeared. You won’t find a trade collection of this anywhere, and if you’re lucky, you’ll find the single issues.


It’s worth it, if you do. No comics experience should be without it. You’ll look at what comics are capable of with new eyes, I guarantee it. Besides, you want to know what happens when Louis finally finds Eleanor’s spirit. You want to see the joining that happens. You want to see how this mind-fuck of a book ends.


Don’t let SCARAB fall by the wayside.

COOL SHIT 10-21-10

KICK-ASS 2 #1:  Issue one just came out, and already I’m wondering if Mark Millar sold the movie rights to it.  The man somehow manages to get movies made of his work before it’s even finished.  Does he have a pact with the devil?  Maybe, but regardless, he’s got a metric shit-ton of talent.  If you’re reading this, you probably don’t need me to tell you that.  Kick-Ass and Hit-Girl are back, and if you only know them from the movie, you need to pick up the books.  They’re infinitely more fucked up, although their hearts are in the same place.  Apparently, Dave Lizewski’s antics as Kick-Ass has garnered a lot of attention, and people are imitating him left and right.  It only makes sense that a group of these imitators would eventually form a Justice League situation, and this seems to be the thrust of the new series.  Aside from this, it’s a sheer pleasure to watch Hit-Girl beat the shit out of Kick-Ass before sending a team of “grown men with severe learning difficulties” after him . . . for training.  The best part, though:  Doctor Gravity’s explanation of his Gravity Pole.  I’d tell you to buy this book, but you probably already have.  (I could probably do without the tagline, though:  “Taste the awesome!”  I’d rather not, thank you.)

VERTIGO RESURRECTED #1:  There isn’t a whole lot I could say about this issue.  Most of it contains reprints from older Vertigo books, and honestly, I’ve reviewed them before, waaaay back when I was in college.  The main purpose of this book is to finally release the HELLBLAZER story that got Warren Ellis fired from the book:  “Shoot.”  It was originally scheduled to be released around the same time that Columbine happened.  Vertigo wanted to pull it, Ellis didn’t want to, so he was let go.  Honestly, the story isn’t much at first.  I can easily see why it was postponed (the first page depicts a teenager shooting another teenager in the face, after all), but the first half of the story is about the protagonist pondering about why someone would do something like this while listening to recorded footage of the Jonestown massacre.  Nothing big in the realm of storytelling.  However, the moment when John Constantine shows up in the protagonist’s office becomes a game changer.  I won’t say how it changes (that would be criminal), but it is very, very shocking and intelligent stuff.  The last panel is so chilling, I don’t have the words for it.  This is what art should be, and Vertigo pussied out ten years ago.  And they’re on the cutting edge of storytelling, in my opinion.  Not as much as Avatar, perhaps, but they’re definitely risk takers.  It says a lot that they didn’t run this tale.  It’s a potent story, just make sure you stay with it.