GOODNIGHT, FUCKERS #40: I HOPE HE MADE IT

I was driving home from work when I saw one of the most ridiculous things I've seen in a while. At first, I didn't even know what it was, but it looked funny as all fuck. In the middle of the road, I saw what looked like a fairly big bird making a mad dash across the street. He was in such a hurry, his wings were pinwheeling frantically, just flopping about like empty socks in the wind. He looked like an absolute mess as he ran so quickly that he fell several times flat on his face. It never deterred him; he just kept getting back up and running.


As I got closer, I realized it was a duck. Not an adult yet, but not a baby, either. I would say his age was the equivalent of our preteens in the very last moments of being preteens. He didn't even have feathers, but it looked like they'd grow any day now.


The funny thing is, he didn't look scared. He looked like he was late for an important business meeting. He looked like a methed-up white rabbit, in fact.


I slowed down as he stumbled and staggered across my turn lane. It took him forever to hop up onto the median, but for some reason, he didn't want to continue in that direction. Instead, the crazy bastard jumped back down in front of me so close I was afraid that if I moved, I'd run the poor devil over. And then I saw him run under the car in front of me, hiding behind one of the wheels. We were at a stop light, and it was just about to turn green. Thankfully, just before I got out of my car, the bugger jumped up, got on the median and dropped to the other side. He rushed across the street, headed toward the area where Salt Creek runs under the road.


I considered getting out of my car and picking him up, helping him get across the road safely. But first of all, I didn't want to freak him out any more than he already was. Secondly, he was still pretty young. I know that if the young of some species are touched by people, they adopt a human scent, and the parents will abandon them. I didn't want to ruin the poor fucker's life.


I hope he made it to whatever he was late for. Maybe he was just trying to get home before his parents grounded him or something. That was probably it. It's a good thing they didn't know that he was running across the street without looking both ways . . .